You know you're old when...

[BillyVance 35]

So Airtwardo, how many of these apply to you?

- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

- No one expects you to run into a burning building.

- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

- Things you buy now won't wear out.

- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

- You can eat dinner at 4:00

- You can live without sex but not without glasses.

- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

- You got cable for the weather channel.

- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

- You send money to PBS.

- You sing along with the elevator music.

- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

- Your back goes out more than you do.

- Your ears are hairier than your head.

- Your eyes won't get much worse.

- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[jonstark 8]

Not to be indelicate but you left out having to say "Huh?" whenever someone asks you a question.

jon

[shropshire 0]

Nope. I don't see any of those........ not without my glasses on

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Baksteen 84]

You stop wondering where the next drink is coming from, in favour of worrying where the next lavatory is at.

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

[airtwardo 7]

- No one expects you to run into a burning building.

Quote

Or a variation of that theme...

Was at a parachute meet a while back and the wind suddenly gusted to 30-40 mph for about 30 seconds...ALL the paperwork on the judges table went blowing out into the North 40, everyone excepting for a couple of us 'old guys' went sprinting after it...

We ole fossils just kinda gave each other a 'Fuck THAT' look!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[FlyingJ 0]

To steal a line from the movie The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman...

When you begin living by the three cardinal rules:

-never pass up a bathroom

-never waste a hard-on

-never trust a fart

Killing threads since 2004.

[NickDG 23]

When you meet the father of a friend you B.A.S.E. jump with, and you're old enough to be his father . . .

When you start a new job in a hospital as an Emergency Room Tech/EMT and the patients call you Doctor . . .

When you start losing the ability to actually remember what Jacques Istel looked like . . .

When you can finally spend a weekend at the beach, instead of the drop zone, and not feel like you're missing something . . .

And finally, you know you're old when you know people who you taught to be skydiving instructors who have offspring that are now skydiving instructors. This, of course, makes you a Grand Instructor . . .

NickD

[kschilk 0]

The first section of the newspaper you look at, is the obituaries.

"T'was ever thus."

[popsjumper 2]

...a 30-something calls you "Sir".

...somebody comes running over to "help" you lift that tandem rig

...things that used to be hard no longer get that way.

...food becomes more important than sex

...anything becomes more important than sex

...you're looking for a GF that's NOT your age.



and for Jim...
...everybody on DZ.com rags on you for being old.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[airtwardo 7]

and for Jim...
...everybody on DZ.com rags on you for being old.

Quote

I keep tryin' to tell you guys...it's not the years it's the MILES!



Ya can buy a brand new sports car, keep it polished up in the garage and only drive it on Sunday...




~Or~


...you can park it in the street, run it hard on the road every day, take it out to the track on weekends...

Shun the 'freeway'...go 4 wheeling in the boonies, hill climbing in the Rockies, keep it juiced with 'nitro', and only maintain it when whatever breaks, happens to coincide with a period of free time and extra money...in other words almost NEVER!

Ya don't 'detail' it...you hose out the beef jerky wrappers once a month...ya don't change the oil, just keep addin' STP...the shocks are shot but the brakes are like new 'cause they don't get used.

Current stickers and insurance?? HA! Maybe next week.

Paint fades, scratches rust, dents rattle ...but the miles just on keep rollin'.
May not be as fast or efficient as the 'newer' models and takes a bit to get 'er warmed up, but holdin' the road is no problem...

Come 'trade it' time, the garage queen may look better and is is worth more money, but the wreck with the broken seats, cracked glass & all the dents has a lot more character, and TONS more stories!




THAT'S why I look the way I do...




BTW~ I'm 50...this ride is 'only' HALF over!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[PLFKING 4]

1) When you just found out how old Twardo is, and relize you're the same age, and it doesn't bother you in the slightest.

2) When you've just asked your best female friend to be your best man at your wedding, and everyone but your fiancee is giving you shit about it, but you tell them all to fuck off.
Who was it that said "One of the perks of getting old is that you care less and less about who you piss off ?


Don

"When in doubt I whip it out,
I got me a rock-and-roll band.
It's a free-for-all."