BillyVance 35 #1 March 26, 2008 Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharimcm 0 #2 March 26, 2008 The question I am pondering is would I get fired if I take my skirt off at work... It has this little wire clasp thingie that keeps jabbing me in the side and it's quite uncomfortable. I work at a fairly conservative office (besides the CEO screaming obscenities in his office), so I'm not thinking they'll go for it... Grrrr... Three more hours to freedom. "I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #3 March 26, 2008 Can you cry under water? Yes, crying is from the inside How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Not sure Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? You have to pay the extra penny because you werent solicited for your thoughts... Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? No everyone wears fur in heaven Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Easier to stack and hold in place in the car, cheaper to make a square box What disease did cured ham actually have? the ability to rot faster How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Ummmmm no answer, Ive no idea nor can I make something up Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? because sleeping like a baby is carefree, less worry, much better then the sleep of an adult with stresses of the world... If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? No its called a signing Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Movies have a big enough screen to be in, but TVs generally are smaller and therefore you can only be on them Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? So they can watch just in case Jeb makes the leap without getting snagged ... Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. but they dont wish to see you bending over to take off your pants.... its like the whole naked pickle jar opener thing ...ewwww Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? ummmm Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? because toasters are sold to all human beings not just decent ones If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Because its from the slavery times and is about a master who is dead or killed so the slave doesnt care. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Sure If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Because then it would not be Gilligans island it would be the love boat Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Because pluto is a pet and goofy is not If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Because he cant find roadrunner on the menu If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? babies If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 42 Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? no Why did you just try singing the two songs above? to compare Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? a asteroid isnt a polup Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? no Ive a feeling you werent looking for answers Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #4 March 26, 2008 I'm surprised you didn't have an answer for all of them! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lastchance 0 #5 March 26, 2008 Why do they put braille dots on drive up ATM machines? Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together? Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Why do they make the seat cushions in an airliner a floatation device insted of a parachute? If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get teflon to stick to the pan? If the little black box in an airliner is so indestructable, why don't they make the airliner out of the same material. I may be getting old but I got to see all the cool bands. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewEckhardt 0 #6 March 26, 2008 Quote If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? The island has Ginger and Mary Ann, only Gilligan and the Skipper for competition, and the professor is a smart man. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #7 March 26, 2008 I'm pondering why I cannot get onto the Hotmail site right now. There could be that email I've been waiting for. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #8 March 26, 2008 QuoteIf the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The island has Ginger and Mary Ann, only Gilligan and the Skipper for competition, and the professor is a smart man I would think Mr. Howell has the advantage. He's the one with the money and Lovey only puts out so much. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #9 March 26, 2008 Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Just in case you fart when you bend over.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #10 March 26, 2008 I tried, only one of my answers was right, kinda par for the course Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #11 March 26, 2008 Quote I would think Mr. Howell has the advantage. He's the one with the money and Lovey only puts out so much. Yeah, but the professor was hot. And money's not worth much when you're stranded on an island. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #12 March 26, 2008 QuoteI would think Mr. Howell has the advantage. He's the one with the money and Lovey only puts out so much. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, but the professor was hot. And money's not worth much when you're stranded on an island. It takes a lot of money to keep Ginger in all those designer gowns, which makes me ponder why she had all those gowns if it was only a 3 hour tour. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #13 March 26, 2008 Quote Why do they put braille dots on drive up ATM machines? Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together? Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Why do they make the seat cushions in an airliner a floatation device insted of a parachute? If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get teflon to stick to the pan? If the little black box in an airliner is so indestructable, why don't they make the airliner out of the same material. When are you and Billy going to attribute all this material you are stealing from Steven Wright?"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #14 March 26, 2008 Quote Quote Why do they put braille dots on drive up ATM machines? Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together? Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Why do they make the seat cushions in an airliner a floatation device insted of a parachute? If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they get teflon to stick to the pan? If the little black box in an airliner is so indestructable, why don't they make the airliner out of the same material. When are you and Billy going to attribute all this material you are stealing from Steven Wright? Hey, I just post what I get in the email. I have no idea who came up with this stuff."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #15 March 26, 2008 Don't forget the cost to keep Mary Ann in all of that Mary Jane. --"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #16 March 26, 2008 Hence, Mr. Howell getting all the action with Mary Ann and Ginger. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #17 March 26, 2008 Quote Hence, Mr. Howell getting all the action with Mary Ann and Ginger. But money is useless unless there is someone to buy it from. Obviously, Mr & Mrs Howell and Ginger would not know how to grow anything. Gilligan or Skipper, or Mary Ann herself are the most likely to have grown up on a farm. And the professor may have taken a botany class, so any of these four could have been the grower. Why go with a middleman if you can just go to the source?"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lastchance 0 #18 March 26, 2008 All of these came home to me on an E mail somebody sent to my wife at work. If they all came from Steven Wright then more power to him. I like all his material. Just sending on what I've read. So now according to you whenever I hear a joke, I have to trace it back to it's root and give credit to the person who made it up in the first place. I may be getting old but I got to see all the cool bands. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #19 March 26, 2008 All jokes trace back to funks. Just credit him and you'll be golden. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #20 March 26, 2008 at least now I know who besides Billy has way to much time on their handsYou are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #21 March 26, 2008 Quote at least now I know who besides Billy has way to much time on their hands I figured my post count alone would have proven that Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #22 March 26, 2008 Quote at least now I know who besides Billy has way to much time on their hands -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I figured my post count alone would have proven that Glad I don't fall into your category. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #23 March 26, 2008 Cause your sooooo far behind me cough cough Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #24 March 26, 2008 Would you like a Halls Mentholyptis for that cough? _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #25 March 26, 2008 Quote Would you like a Halls Mentholyptis for that cough? You totally just hyjacked Billys thread And no, I prefer cherry secrets thank you very much Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
