wednesday joke

[happythoughts 0]

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day... while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed
there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.

I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him... I am so sorry,... but he's dead."



Edna replied... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"

[ImGunnaJump 0]

"...I've learned that while the "needs" in life are important (food, water, shelter), it's the "wants" in life (ice cream, chocolate, sex) that make it worth the effort." Kbordson

[happythoughts 0]

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

[happythoughts 0]

Ralph awoke one day to realize that his member had inexplicably been growing larger and staying erect longer with each passing day.

He was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his sex organ had grown to nearly 20 inches and Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing and even walking.

So, he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the doctor explained that Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.


"Well," said the wife, "you are planning on lengthening Ralph's legs, aren't you?"

[idrankwhat 0]

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

[HSPScott 0]

Ghost Sex

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'



About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who Believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'



About 40 students raise their hands.



'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'



About 15 students raise their hand.



'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'



Three students raise their hands.



'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a Ghost?'



Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.



The professor takes off his glasses, and says 'Son, All the years I've bee n giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your Experience.'



The big redneck student replied with a nod and a Grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor Asks, 'So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'



Bubba replied,'Shiiiiiiit!!



From way back there I Thought you said 'Goats