BillyVance 35 #1 September 5, 2008 College Football Time... Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints. Women's Accessories: NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for. Stadium Size: NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people. SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. Fathers: NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath. SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference. Campus Decor: NORTH: Statues of founding fathers. SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners. Homecoming Queen: NORTH: Also a physics major. SOUTH: Also Miss America. Heroes: NORTH: Rudy Giuliani SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning, or Bo Jackson and Herschel Walker Getting Tickets: NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus. SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets. Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game: NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday. SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class. Parking: NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking. SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday. Game Day: NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never Broadcast from their campus. Tailgating: NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down. SOUTH : 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band or Lynyrd Skynyrd,... who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Getting to the Stadium: NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in. SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's third largest city. Concessions: NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda. SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon. When National Anthem is Played: NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up. SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony. The Smell in the Air After the First Score: NORTH: Nothing changes. SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon. Commentary (Male): NORTH: "Nice play." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Commentary (Female): NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport." SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." Announcers: NORTH: Neutral and paid. SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. After the Game: NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends. SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game. Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football! ______________________________ And for SEC Fans: HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard. At GEORGIA: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions. At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one. At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator. At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion. At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours. At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season. At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama. At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS". At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished. At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team. At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jewels 0 #2 September 5, 2008 Excellent! I shared that with my cousin, who is a female football fan from Texas. DEAD ON!TPM Sister #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deisel 38 #3 September 5, 2008 Awesome! I grew up playing football in Louisiana (LSU - SEC football rules the universe) and went to college in Illinois. They just don't get it up there...The brave may not live forever, but the timid never live at all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #4 September 6, 2008 GO DAWGS!!!Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #5 September 6, 2008 QuoteGO DAWGS!!! September 27. That should be an interesting game. Roll Tide!"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #6 September 6, 2008 I just hope I can see it here in Texas. Cable company doesn't offer ESPN Gameplan. I can only hope that Georgia keeps a ranking towards the top and maybe the schedule they have in front of them will keep them broadcast on the mainstream channels.Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
denete 3 #7 September 6, 2008 You can smell Fall in the air up here. I've been to about 70 UGA games and 7 bowl games with them...and I'm not really a huge football fan. But, SEC football is something else. There still isn't another conference that puts out the level of squads that you'll see in the SEC in general. Woof!SCR #14809 "our attitude is the thing most capable of keeping us safe" (look, grab, look, grab, peel, punch, punch, arch) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #8 September 6, 2008 Quote I just hope I can see it here in Texas. Cable company doesn't offer ESPN Gameplan. I can only hope that Georgia keeps a ranking towards the top and maybe the schedule they have in front of them will keep them broadcast on the mainstream channels. I couldn't find what channel this game is going to be on since it hasn't been picked up yet. See here: http://www.secsports.com/index.php?s=&change_well_id=2&url_article_id=5905 But it most definitely will or should be on national TV. Georgia has a murderous schedule though, and it doesn't help that they've lost two defensive linemen starters for the season already. I hope both UGA and Bama meet undefeated. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #9 September 6, 2008 Quote But it most definitely will or should be on national TV. Hopefully! I always get screwed with regional coverage on the networks. I mean, does anyone really give a flying fuck about the Longhorns, Aggies or those Oklahoma teams? Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #10 September 6, 2008 Quote Quote But it most definitely will or should be on national TV. Hopefully! I always get screwed with regional coverage on the networks. I mean, does anyone really give a flying fuck about the Longhorns, Aggies or those Oklahoma teams? Nobody in the Southeast gives a fuck about any of those teams, not this year anyhow. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #11 September 6, 2008 To heck with college football, it's NFL time!!! Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #12 September 6, 2008 Quote To heck with college football, it's NFL time!!! NFL? Those bunch of over-paid crybabies? Nah.... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #13 September 8, 2008 SEC RULES! Well, that is... until they start beating the SHIT out of each other! AP Poll (9/7/08) 1. Southern Cal 2. Georgia 3. Oklahoma 4. Florida 5. Ohio State 6. Missouri 7. LSU 8. Texas 9. Auburn 10. Wisconsin 11. Alabama 12. Texas Tech 13. Kansas 14. East Carolina 15. Arizona State Hmmm... Georgia's got to play at Arizona State this Saturday, don't they? Good luck Dawgs! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
monkycndo 0 #14 September 8, 2008 How did I miss this thread? Go local sports team and/or college. ra50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #15 September 8, 2008 Nope, UGA is at South Carolina this coming week. After losing to Vanderbilt, South Carolina will probably be fired up. We'll see what happens.Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #16 September 8, 2008 Quote Nope, UGA is at South Carolina this coming week. After losing to Vanderbilt, South Carolina will probably be fired up. We'll see what happens. Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, I think UGA will have revenge on their minds after last year's debacle. Bama plays at Arkansas the weekend before the UGA game. Just hope we don't get caught looking ahead!"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #17 September 8, 2008 QuoteHow did I miss this thread? Go local sports team and/or college. ra You are going to have to calm the fuck down! One day you'll realize that there's more to life than watching these teams on tv.You are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #18 September 12, 2008 Quote Quote Nope, UGA is at South Carolina this coming week. After losing to Vanderbilt, South Carolina will probably be fired up. We'll see what happens. Oh yeah, I forgot. Well, I think UGA will have revenge on their minds after last year's debacle. Bama plays at Arkansas the weekend before the UGA game. Just hope we don't get caught looking ahead! Georgia's finally going to be on TV this weekend and the fuckin hurricane will probably knock my power out late Friday/early Saturday. WTF!!!Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #19 September 14, 2008 Quote Georgia's finally going to be on TV this weekend and the fuckin hurricane will probably knock my power out late Friday/early Saturday. WTF!!! Thankfully I was wrong, though I might have preferred to not see this game. Now the SEC starts beating up on themselves. Oy! Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #20 September 14, 2008 Quote Quote Georgia's finally going to be on TV this weekend and the fuckin hurricane will probably knock my power out late Friday/early Saturday. WTF!!! Thankfully I was wrong, though I might have preferred to not see this game. Now the SEC starts beating up on themselves. Oy! Did you see Auburn - Miss State? Another slobberknocker. Set the series record for lowest total points scored.... 5!!! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingJ 0 #21 September 14, 2008 Quote Did you see Auburn - Miss State? Another slobberknocker. Set the series record for lowest total points scored.... 5!!! Saw a bit here and there, but the game did nothing to keep my interest. I could hardly keep still sitting inside to watch the Georgia game after sitting around for the last two days with everything in town closed for the storm.Killing threads since 2004. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
