skymama 37 #1 September 23, 2008 I'm trying to help a friend who really wants to see his 1 year old daughter. He and his wife separated and she left FL before the baby was born and moved in with an attorney in Louisiana. He's a blue collar worker and doesn't have the means right now to hire an attorney in LA. He has paid child support every week from the time she was born and the mom cashes the checks. He is supposed to have joint custody, but when his wife has traveled to FL with the baby, she's only allowed him to see her for a few hours at a time and never overnight. When he mentions that he'd like to have the baby for a week alone at a time, she tells him that he's crazy if he thinks that is ever going to happen and hangs up on him. So, I'm just trying to help him figure out what his rights are and how can he go to court to fight for his rights to see his daughter when he lives in another state. Anyone have any advice? This situation infuriates me and I want to help. Here is a man who is trying to be a loving dad and the mom won't let him because of her personal feelings for him!She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nutz 0 #2 September 23, 2008 Unfortunately there are a lot of women and men out there who use children to get back at their former spouses. The only thing he can do is hire an attorney and fight her - sorry. "Don't! Get! Eliminated!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #3 September 23, 2008 Every state has different laws. He is in for a long expensive battle no matter where he is. Here area few sad facts.. Child support and Child Custody/Visitation are completely separate issues in most states. In otherwords, Simply paying Child Support does not guarantee Visitation and Visitation right cannot be withheld for failure to pay child support. The courts will almost always side with the mother in any of these cases. He needs to talk to a Lawyer in his area to find out what his options are. I was in a very similar situation when my daughter was Born. Her mother and I were never married and had split up before she even found out she was pregnant. I started paying child support before my daughter was even born. After a couple years, My ex played this same game with me and told me I couldn’t see my daughter. I got a lawyer and we first filed a Petition to Legitimize with the court and requested that the court set Child Support and Visitation at that time. Once I had a Court Order stating what my rights were, I could then make sure I had my visitation. Without that, I basically had absolutely no rights at all. If the mother moves away, in some states there is nothing the non-custodial parent can about that other than travel to wherever the mom moves to pick up their child at the set times. Your friend has a tough road ahead, I wish them the best. It is VERY difficult for non-custodial Parents in most states that want to part of their children’s lives. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 898 #4 September 23, 2008 I would have him reach out to the Dept. of Revenue Child Support Services to start. NEVER pay the ex direct! NEVER NEVER NEVER It doesn't count in court...They may also provide some resources - and Florida can (and has ) trumped other state's court orders in favor of the process here. Best bet, find a way to pay an attorney though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #5 September 23, 2008 I went thru- a lot with a custody issues and from what I know he has to file for visitations with the court here. If she has nothing on record in California with the courts then it is set for here. She will then have to have an attorney in both areas. She will then be told she can petition to have the case transferred from here to California. I have just receive a crash course in this a few weeks back due to a custody issue with my brother I adopted. Each situation is different but he will need an attorney here to help with all the paperwork. It isn't an easy process. Good luck with this.TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #6 September 23, 2008 So, let me get this straight...he can file for visitation here, even though she lives in LA? Mark- would he contact the state of FL or LA to run his payments through? The baby was born in LA, if that makes a difference.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #7 September 23, 2008 I just wondered how convenient it is for her that she moved in with an attorney? "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #8 September 23, 2008 I know...he feels like he's fighting an uphill battle. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #9 September 23, 2008 Quote I know...he feels like he's fighting an uphill battle. She probably looked for an attorney to date on purpose just to spite the guy... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #10 September 23, 2008 QuoteI know...he feels like he's fighting an uphill battle. He is. Does he have any form of custody agreement that has been signed by a Judge right now? Has a Court Ordered him to pay Child Support? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #11 September 23, 2008 No, the court hasn't ordered him to pay support. He's just been doing it to do the right thing and to show the the courts that he cares. He wasn't listed on the original birth certificate, although she just sent him a form to have him listed as the Father. They aren't officially divorced yet either, she's been dragging her feet on that for some reason.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #12 September 23, 2008 QuoteSo, let me get this straight...he can file for visitation here, even though she lives in LA? Mark- would he contact the state of FL or LA to run his payments through? The baby was born in LA, if that makes a difference. Correct. It gets tricky. More than likely the case will get transferred to the county the mother lives in but it goes on record that he has file and she is denying him his rights. Now, she will have to return to florida for the court case and then she can ask to have it transferred. It might get denied it might not. The other problem he might run into is getting her served with the papers for court. That is the situation I am in now. Making sure the other party has been served. The best thing to do is get him a set up to meet with an attorney here and find out his rights. I think it was 150-200 when i sat down with an attorney here.TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #13 September 23, 2008 You know my attitude on this: he needs to get into a lawyer's office immediately. There are some things he might be able to do in FL, and there are other things he must do in LA. But he needs a lawyer now to begin the process of evaluating his situation and advising him, at a minimum. I realize he's broke. About a year or so ago, I wrote you and another woman, I think in the Women's forum, a long post on various ways to hook up with a legal aid lawyer. I did a search, but can't find the post yet, and I'm tight on time right now. Maybe you can find it. But there are legal aid services in every county in FL, so your friend should search them out. He must not delay! Oh, 1 more thing: he MUST NOT take legal advice from ANYONE BUT A LAWYER. I cannot stress this enough. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #14 September 23, 2008 a) Stop paying Support right NOW. Not another dime. (It isn’t even child support technically, he is just giving money to the ex.) b) Give that money to a Lawyer so that he can actually get some rights. Right now he has NONE and the fact he is giving her money will not mean squat to a court. c) Stop all communication with the Mother. It will not do him any good and generally only make things worse as emotions take over on both sides. Let the lawyers do their job. 16 years ago, My petition to legitimize only cost me about $1500 and the lawyer took payments from me. Best money I ever spent. Let the courts set the rules then you have something to go on. Till then all he is doing is making things worse in trying to deal with a bitter Ex. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #15 September 23, 2008 I found that post and just texted him the # for legal aid in his county. Thanks! I also told him to stop making payments and told him that might be a way to get his name on the Birth Certificate soon so he can start proceedings for visitation. Money talks with this woman! He expressed his gratitude to you all. Thanks so much! She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 898 #16 September 23, 2008 THIS is the right answer. My last attorney needed for child support - $1500. That was a little over 2 years ago. LA may be slightly different, make sure he has copies of ALL payments made to date. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #17 September 23, 2008 Actually Andy gave the only correct answer in my opinion: QuoteOh, 1 more thing: he MUST NOT take legal advice from ANYONE BUT A LAWYER. I cannot stress this enough. No one should take chances with their right to be involved in their Childs life or depend on an Ex to “Do the right thing”. Hire the best lawyer you possibly can. Sell whatever you can and finance the rest if needed. Whatever it takes but get a Lawyer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 898 #18 September 23, 2008 Agreed. It seems you and I have had damn near the exact experience, every time we discuss this here. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #19 September 23, 2008 QuoteSo, let me get this straight...he can file for visitation here, even though she lives in LA? That depends on how long ago she moved with the baby. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Enforcement Act ("UCCJEA") and the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act ("PKPA") provide which state will have jurisdiction. If the baby has been in Louisiana for more than 180 days, he's gonna have to go through Louisiana to do it. Also, considering that the baby has probably been gone for a while, things aren't immediately in his favor. They aren't gonna look at what he wants or what the mother wants - it should be the "best interests" of the child in most places. And as much as it is tough to say this, this WILL be a problem for the dad. Here's why: The baby may not really even know "dad" anymore. Because of this, to simply let dad have the baby for a week will, naturally, be a shock to the baby. The status quo is usually what they go off of, and for dad to have anything but limited visits right now probably won't be in the child's best interest. What he's got ahead of him is the next 15 years. His visitation will be small, at first, but should, over time, gradually increase. That's about the best he probably has to look forward to. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #20 September 23, 2008 Quote The baby may not really even know "dad" anymore. Because of this, to simply let dad have the baby for a week will, naturally, be a shock to the baby. The status quo is usually what they go off of, and for dad to have anything but limited visits right now probably won't be in the child's best interest. What he's got ahead of him is the next 15 years. His visitation will be small, at first, but should, over time, gradually increase. That's about the best he probably has to look forward to. What he said. My divorce was of the standard military variety...when I got back from overseas my wife wanted one. Note the differences here: we were married, my name was on the birth certificate, and the child had lived with me/us for the first 6 months of her life (I was gone the second 6 months). I still had to work my way through a visitation plan like described above, i.e. up to 8 hours, 3 days per week, until that was the "norm" in my daughter's life, after which we expanded to include overnights, and eventually weekends. One thing working in my favor in this regard was moving to where my ex-wife lived, that is...within a block and a half of her. So each day my daughter would go for a walk with one of us, either with her mom to my house or with me to her mom's house. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like this is feasible in this case, unless your friend is willing to move to LA. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #21 September 23, 2008 Re: "stop making child support payments." If it's a court-ordered child support payment, to advise that could put this poor guy into an even bigger world of hurt. That's also called "deadbeat dad" by many. It can also be punishable by contempt. And trust me, that is no fun. I'd ask that you reconsider that advice immediately. The odds of something really bad happening are real. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 898 #22 September 23, 2008 In the state of Florida, if they aren't made through the DOR, they don't count. I've had family lawyers and judges tell me to NOT pay her directly. I would fully agree with you on if it's court ordered...that's another thing all together. LA may in fact recognize direct payments, but by all means keep the receipts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #23 September 23, 2008 QuoteRe: "stop making child support payments." If it's a court-ordered child support payment, to advise that could put this poor guy into an even bigger world of hurt. That's also called "deadbeat dad" by many. It can also be punishable by contempt. And trust me, that is no fun. I'd ask that you reconsider that advice immediately. The odds of something really bad happening are real. I just logged-on, saw the advice, and was about to post "WAIT!! - it might be court-ordered!" - when I read this. I agree with Jerry (Lawrocket) 100%. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #24 September 24, 2008 QuoteThe baby may not really even know "dad" anymore The mother may not either. Child Support Fraud has become such a big issue in Florida that the state allows a father to request a paternity test for up to a year. I definitely support that. Given that his ex has left the state, has anyone thought that the baby may be from the attorney in LA? He may not be the father. She sent him the paper work for paternity. That will quickly lock in the child support payments, without any visitation. That would suck if it wasn't even his. It doesn't sound like he needs to trust her a lot. It sounds like she is setting him up legally for child support. I'll bet her current roommate has coached her on this. "Free cash for 18 years. No responsibility." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #25 September 24, 2008 Wow, so many things to consider but there seems to be one constant theme- he's not going to see his daughter very much. The baby looks quite a bit like him. On appearances alone, I would think that he's the real father. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
