The_Don 0 #101 September 25, 2008 Let's see if this stays... What do parents say to Michael Jackson at the beach ? "Get out of my son" I am NOT being loud. I'm being enthusiastic! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johnski 0 #102 September 25, 2008 What's the best thing about fucking a transvestite? Reaching around the front and thinking you've gone all the way through!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #103 September 25, 2008 A man is on the phone with his wife's OB/GYN. Frantically he says: "Dr. my wife is pregnant and her contractions are less than two minutes apart!" Dr. says "Is this her first child?" Man says: "No you idiot, it's her husband." ba dum chhhhhhh! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
birdlike 0 #104 September 25, 2008 Quote What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene! What if she's Asian? Irene! Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #105 September 25, 2008 clicky"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
No_Phear 0 #106 September 25, 2008 Quote Actually, it's the navy that wear those. Our dress blues look like normal slacks I am aware of this, which is why it is a dinner plate for Marines..... (I'm Navy myself) Tact is not my specialty..... Dirty Sanchez #453 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DavidB 0 #107 September 25, 2008 AKA: 13 chances to say no.When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
birdlike 0 #108 September 25, 2008 What do 10,000,000 battered women all have in common? They don't fucking LISTEN!! Why does an Indian woman have that red dot on her forehead? It's from her husband (poking her there repeatedly) yelling, "Why are you so fuckin' ugly?!" Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 895 #109 September 25, 2008 10,000,000 battered women..... and I'm still eating mine plain? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DavidB 0 #110 September 25, 2008 What do you call a man with no arms & no legs hanging on the wall? Art!When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sletzer 3 #111 September 25, 2008 How do you know when it's bed time at Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little one.I will be kissing hands and shaking babies all afternoon. Thanks for all your support! *bows* SCS #8251 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
millertime24 8 #112 September 25, 2008 Airman vs. Soldier There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord AFB to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord AFB. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,....."Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, ..... "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says,...... "Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals" The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived this wreck" So the Air Force guy pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Army guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship" The Army guy replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, "Your turn!" The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."Muff #5048 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 1 #113 September 26, 2008 Quote Quote Actually, it's the navy that wear those. Our dress blues look like normal slacks I am aware of this, which is why it is a dinner plate for Marines..... (I'm Navy myself) Check it again... You said why do Marines' dress blues have... Little boy is peeing in a public restroom. Sailor walks in and the kid says, "WOW! Are you a real sailor? Can I wear your hat?" Sailor nods and puts his hat on the kid's head. The sailor then goes to the stall to shit. A minute goes by and then a Marine walks into the bathroom. The kid says, "WOW! Are you a real Marine?" The Marine quickly replies, "Ya, why? You wanna suck my dick?" The kid replies, "No, no, no! I'm not really a sailor, I'm just wearing the hat."Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
birdlike 0 #114 September 26, 2008 Why does a woman have legs? So she won't leave behind a trail like a snail.Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
No_Phear 0 #115 September 26, 2008 Quote Quote Quote Actually, it's the navy that wear those. Our dress blues look like normal slacks I am aware of this, which is why it is a dinner plate for Marines..... (I'm Navy myself) Check it again... You might want to look again, in my original post, I said enlisted dress blues, not marine dress blues. If you're going to make a comment, know what you're talking about. Tact is not my specialty..... Dirty Sanchez #453 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #116 September 26, 2008 Quote Why does a woman have legs? So she won't leave behind a trail like a snail. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #117 September 26, 2008 Quote Quote Quote Quote Actually, it's the navy that wear those. Our dress blues look like normal slacks I am aware of this, which is why it is a dinner plate for Marines..... (I'm Navy myself) Check it again... You might want to look again, in my original post, I said enlisted dress blues, not marine dress blues. If you're going to make a comment, know what you're talking about. I always knew you sailors had some kinda of weird homoerotic fantasies involving us marines. www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
No_Phear 0 #118 September 27, 2008 A Sailor and a Marine are at a urinal in the same head.... The Sailor finishes, and starts to leave... The Marine says "hey, aren't you gonna wash your hands? The Marines always wash thier hands after using the head." The Sailor turns and says "No, we sailors don't piss on our hands." Tact is not my specialty..... Dirty Sanchez #453 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billeisele 130 #119 September 27, 2008 The Indian With One Testicle There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!' The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.' Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! Why ??? OH, come on... take a guess !!! Think about it !!! Everyone knows... You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone !!!Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #120 September 27, 2008 A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies." ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #121 September 27, 2008 An old one What wood doesn't float? NatalieYou are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #122 September 27, 2008 Quote Did you hear the one about the midget that tried to jump the grand canyon? He fell short. [cricket chirping][/cricket chirping] And Irony dictates that Guppie01 visited the grand canyon last week. I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #123 September 27, 2008 Really, or did someone take her down into a drainage ditch and lie to her?You are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #124 September 27, 2008 Quote Really, or did someone take her down into a drainage ditch and lie to her? Damn. Thats harsh. It was a river, just not the colorado river.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
