davidlayne 5 #1 January 13, 2009 A Father of three from Kingswood in Kent has drowned himself whilst using a bizarre home made mask he developed specifically for smelling his own farts. Clifford Shellbreaker who lived in a bungalow off Gravelly Bottom Road had a strange fascination for making culinary cocktails tailored specifically to create the most pungent farts. He would develop new recipes and then sit in his garden shed wearing a specially modified WW2 gas mask so that he could enjoy the full experience of his art. The filter of the mask had been sealed and a pipe extended to a pair of plastic incontinence pants. Mr Shellbreaker would guff into the pants and the smell would travel along the pipe straight into the mask so he could enjoy the totally undiluted benefit. His wife explained that soon after they were married she made him an egg and cress sandwich. Shortly afterwards he began farting. She recalled that the smell made her retch. Her husband thought this was funny and he then developed a fascination for cooking up all kinds of recipes to find out what sort of farts and smells he could create. After their first child was born and the house was "stinking" she banned him to the garden shed where for the last 21 years he has been enjoying the fruits of his labour. Kent County Coronor returning a verdict of accidental death said that "at 5.15pm on Sunday 14th December 2008 Mr Shellbreaker had consumed his latest recipe which had contained Whisky, Brown ale, baked beans, boiled eggs, curry powder, Tobasco sauce, Cabbage, sprouts and onions plus several as yet unidentified ingredients". He continued, "At 6.30pm he told his wife he was retiring to his shed". At 10.00pm she realised he had not returned and on entering his shed found his body slumped in his chair. Unfortunately the smell of his farts had rendered him unconscious. Tragically, he then he followed through with diarrhoea that filled the mask and sadly drowned himself.I don't care how many skydives you've got, until you stepped into complete darkness at 800' wearing 95 lbs of equipment and 42 lbs of parachute, son you are still a leg! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyjumpsteve 0 #3 January 13, 2009 Didga think that was really true? Quote http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i46165 .....I guess there is an Onion competitor out there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #4 January 13, 2009 I think that's the ultimate "Dutch Oven" right there.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wrightskyguy 1 #5 January 13, 2009 It doesn't sound that far fetched to me, I used to shoot wamp rats in my T-16 back home. John Wright World's most beloved skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
banesanura 1 #6 January 13, 2009 That's why this shit should be left to the professionals. no pun intended. Best Girl Scout Ever. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
