How cold is it?

[Gene03 0]

Just got these musing from a friend and thought it worthy of passing on...


Thermoanalysis in Northern Illinois.

Unless y'all haven't noticed, live a hermit's life in a cave, or are smoking Cohibas or other herbals along with drinking rum with fruit and parasols on a beach in Belize, which by the way, would afford you the comfort and peice of mind to not give a shit, the lack of random standard molecular motions that occur and radiate energy to effect a normal range of comfort for human beings is severely deficient at approximately 42.3 degrees north and 89.6 degrees west. This phenomena has put to task our collective thermotaxis to quite a degree.

My internal thermoscope detected this initially when outside, bundled up as if I was the Michelin man and waddling like a penguin. I was trying to clear the latest snow off our drive but could only shovel for 10 minutes at a time due to the onset of frostbite and hypothermia.

Theurgists may counsel this cold snap as a divine, supernatural, or magical aid to our human affairs. Most people however, beg deference and use cliches like, "It's colder than a witches' mams." My analogies to this weather anomaly are listed at the end of this discourse.

The thermodynamicist in my soul and as a practicing thermomalist has led me to posit the following themotic concept relevant to the recent occurrences.

Last night, the coefficient of cloud cover waned as with the moon at this time. Meld this with the inherent Wx lag time(~26 days) from winter solstice along with the jet stream curving below us to the south, dipping to approx. 12,000' - 15,000' MSL, which sucked in a deep high pressure(~30.89" of Hg). Notwithstanding the VAD winds that were not out of normalcy range however, this did allow the thermal gradient a degree of entropy especially at or near the thermojunction which in turn accelerated thermolysis of the earth to, in effect, become a thermosiphon.

Should you visualize atmospheric thermoclines, they would appear as a huge swirrling pyramid extending well into the thermoshphere where, at such a juncture, they would warp not unlike a lenticular cloud over a high mountain peak. The difference being that the thermospheric thermoclines would be rippled much like the crinolines of a square dancer.

The results, in common terms, show that the temperature dropped down to 247.16 degrees Kelvin last night, rose to 252.1 degrees this afternoon, and are forecast to bottom out tonight at around 240.9 degrees Kelvin or Absolute(scale derived by Wm. Thompson Lord Kelvin to quantify temperature in space).

A more obscure scientific scale, but still used in a prominent western country, is the Gabriel Daniel Fahrenheit scale with the following mathematically produced: It got down to -14.8 last night, up to -3.3 this afternoon, and is forecast to be -26 tonight.

The above was primarily compiled using Billy Bob's "Small Book of Big Words", Jim Bob's "Big Book of Small Words", my trusty TI-30Xa, and personal observation.

What does this all mean, you ask ?

I'll tell you..............................





It's Fucking Cold Outside
How cold is it ?

It's so cold..........................................that,

1) Congress has their hands in their own pockets for a change.
2) Amy Winehouse called a plumber to fix her crack pipe.
3) The Senate let an Illinois wannabe take a seat just to warm up.
4) The thing on Donald Trump's head is hibernating in his armpit.
5) We put ice cubes in the dog's water to warm it up.
6) Rod "the sonofabitch" Blago is elated thinking he's getting a transfer to Georgia after being impeached, twice.
7) Jesse Jackson and Dick Cheney were seen hugging for warmth.
8) Madonna wants to adopt an Inuit child.
9) Reporters are throwing shoes at Al Gore.

AND

10) Men in Illinois have quit making any references to their junk or manhood due to the current shrinkage factor.

“The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes (Polish writer, poet and satirist 1906-1966)