BillyVance 35 #1 January 21, 2009 A bit of a take-off from the stupid things you did as a kid thread. Most of mine involve speeding, incidents of road rage, evading police and hiding once I got out of eye-sight (twice) and fooling police into pulling over the wrong car (same color as mine) when I merged over in front of it while it was leading a long line of cars and made it to my exit, and as I turned off, I looked back and the cop had the other car stopped. I've calmed down quite a bit since my kid was born. If there is one incident that had me wondering how the fuck I ever got out of it would be this: my friend and I went out to hunting grounds owned by the landfill authority (he was a garbage truck driver) to have fun shooting at targets (we had cardboard targets with us) with his high powered hunting rifles. It was a bit cold that day. We found a clearing about a mile and a half down a dirt road from the landfill itself. Anyway, after an hour of shooting, we cleaned up and got ready to leave. I made the mistake of driving my truck in a half circle off the hard dirt right into the muck, instead of backing straight out to the larger hard ground. We tried everything to get the truck out to no avail. It was getting dark and we were 2 miles from civilization. Fuck. My friend said there are some vehicles at the landfill that sometimes have the keys in them, and that we would walk back there and see what we could do. Long cold walk.... after first checking the shed for anything that we could possibly use (nothing), we started climbing the side of the landfill (dirt path for dump trucks) as he said there were large compacting equipment and trucks up there. We finally got up there and boy did the place stink like hell. We tried the pickup truck up there but it wouldn't start. Then we went over to a giant earth-moving vehicle with tires 6 feet tall. There was a chain in the cab with hooks and a place to attach it to on the back of the vehicle. What luck, he was able to get it started! That is the first and only time I've ever ridden in anything like that and boy it was something. So we rode that damn thing in the moonlight back to my truck, set it up and hooked the truck up, pulled it right out of the muck like it was nothing. Awesome. So, I drove the truck back to the landfill with my friend following in the giant earth mover, which had no lights on it. Let me tell you this, looking in the rear view mirror at that full-moon lit thing made it look really spooky, like something out of the original The Shining movie, maybe. I drove up to the top of the landfill, waited for my friend to park the vehicle back where it was, and we got on home, dirty, smelly and fucking cold. Best thing about this was? I got to miss my mother-in-law's birthday dinner celebration out at a restaurant! I did find a note on the kitchen table from my wife saying she was very pissed off and worried about me, and felt I was rude to not get home in time to celebrate her mom's birthday. When they did get home, all was cool once I explained the situation as I was completely exhausted mentally and physically. Wow what a night that was. Definitely a lot more fun and exciting than some stupid fuck-ass in-law birthday celebration. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 917 #2 January 21, 2009 In no particular order: First time drinking tequila, escorted home by shore patrol. 3 times.Captain's Mast. I was stationed at the "cornfield cruiser" in NJ, we had to conduct all Navy business in Philly. A carload of us - in USN car no less had gone over for the day. 2 of us finished our business in very short order. Damned if the EM club wasn't open when we finished. We drank the rest of the day playing pool and were quite hammered by EOB. The other guy with me was the driver. The other guys were pissed we drank without them. So we picked up a few cases for the drive back. It was winter. It's fun doing donuts on the highway at speed. Until the transmission falls out. We were all present at captain's mast. Captain couldn't stop laughing. Captains Mast #2, stopped at the gate for a search. Opened the door and fireworks just started falling out. Marine officer on duty was NOT please with my quantity of firecrackers as he had to count them individually. Apparently, even in the early 80's, the US Military frowns on bringing explosives and incendiary devices onto a nuclear re-coring facility. Got married. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
councilman24 37 #3 January 21, 2009 You got escorted home three time the first time you drank tequila or you got escorted home 3 different times CLAIMING it was your first time drinking tequila?Hmm, walking through a house size bonfire after suitable Jack, after riding out to the fire lying on the roof of the pickup. I'm old for my age. Terry Urban D-8631 FAA DPRE Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 917 #4 January 21, 2009 First time drinking it, 2 Fingers brand. Escorted home 3 times, same night. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #5 January 21, 2009 Hanger BASE jumping. Someone will have to find and post the pics for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #6 January 21, 2009 Quote Got married. You stole my answer! She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #7 January 21, 2009 Quote Hanger BASE jumping. Someone will have to find and post the pics for me. Did that too, one Christmas at my home DZ. Climbed a 20 foot ladder and jumped off it onto the giant christmas tree we had set up in there. Just one of those drunken stunts we did. Only a few actually was able to hang onto the tree. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #8 January 21, 2009 The year before I got married, my wife (GF at the time) and I went to Georgia to a horse farm that her co-worker owned, and we rode one of their horses. The one I got was a bit twitchy. One little prod in the kidneys and she was off like a rocket with me hanging on for dear life, and not knowing what the fuck to do, the fucking horse did an about face near the corner of the corral and threw me right the fuck off, badly spraining my ankle, busting a rib and giving me a light concussion. I got up slowly and got back on while muttering "if I owned you, you fucking cocksucker, I'd ship you off to the glue factory!" and made sure she'd walk slowly back to the barn but the up and down motion was too painful for me so I got off. Haven't ridden a goddamn horse since (9 years and counting)"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brains 2 #9 January 21, 2009 Lots of stupid drinking things, lots of bored skydiver on weather hold things. I got a pair of Heely's at the age of 33 and five days later broke my tib/fib on my left leg in my own kitchen I thought that was pretty stupid Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
poe62 0 #10 January 21, 2009 I hit the wrong button on my garage door opener (I have two doors). I was tired and in a hurry, and I ended up backing my car through the closed side. ~Nikki http://www.facebook.com/poe62 Irgity Dirgity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #11 January 21, 2009 Broke into a funeral parlor to steal a body to send back to the ship. This happened July 4th 1983. The plan was hatched after eating some high power LSD and drinking large amounts of alcohol. I thought it would be extremely funny to get a body of someone about our age (I was 23yo at the time), pour alcohol on him and put him in a taxi. We were going to tell a cabbie that our good friend was drunk and to take him to the USS Okinawa at pier 4. With bic lighter in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other (my friend, Rick happened to find the stash of wine the funeral parlor had for the greiving), I searched until I came upon a body lying on a table covered by a white sheet. As I approached, the body, whom turned out to be a woman, sat straight up and began to scream "Who are you!". Not quite sure what to say, as I was just scared out of my skin, I began to jump up and down yelling "I'm a ghost, I'm a ghost!". I then turned and ran past Rick, who was still at the the refrigerator drinking wine and eating grapes. As I past him I informed him that there was someone in the building. I jumped out of a second floor window that we came through, with Rick right in back of me. Hitting the ground running I past a police car and kept on going until I got to the house I was renting about a mile from the funeral parlor. A few seconds later sirens filled the dark night as I rolled a hog leg to calm my nerves. I learned later that there is a law that requires that a watch person be present where bodies are kept."...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #12 January 21, 2009 I'll let you know IF I ever become an adult (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #13 January 21, 2009 That story started out sounding like the end of the Blake Edwards film "S.O.B".I worked in a hospital for a few years prior to college. They often hired local college kids to do cleaning/waxing of floors on the midnight shift when there was minimal foot traffic. One kid was fresh from a Chicago ghetto, and jumpy as hell. His co-workers figured out he was also scared to death of bodies, when he didn't want to do the floor of the hallway that dead-ended in the morgue. So one night they got the maintenance man to lie down on an empty morgue table, and draped a sheet over him. Then they found the jumpy kid and after a lot of coaxing, he was finally persuaded to look in the morgue door at the "body" on the table. When the door opened, that was the maintenance man's cue to sit up and moan. The poor kid screamed bloody murder and made a beeline to the nearest restroom where he barricaded himself for hours. "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrophyHusband 0 #14 January 21, 2009 when i was in the navy i got back to the ship late one evening drunk and hungry. i slipped into the goat locker and made myself a bowl of cereal and the ate it before leaving. fortunately i didn't get caught, but if you've been in the navy, you know exactly how stupid that was. "Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama www.kjandmegan.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybill 22 #15 January 21, 2009 Hi fly, What a trip, the USS Okinawa LPH-3!!! You were on it, what rate/div.??? I was on the Okiboat 11/69-11-70. PR-2 Paraloft, V-6 div. a few years before you. Good Story!!!SCR-2034, SCS-680 III%, Deli-out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 917 #16 January 21, 2009 At least I've only done it ONCE! Never again. Unless you ask me anyway. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkTL 0 #17 January 22, 2009 Had sex with an ex stripper without using a condom...Live life with no regrets Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #18 January 22, 2009 Quote Hi fly, What a trip, the USS Okinawa LPH-3!!! You were on it, what rate/div.??? I was on the Okiboat 11/69-11-70. PR-2 Paraloft, V-6 div. a few years before you. Good Story!!! Yup, the good old Okiboat, Smoke-anawa (called that due to the high number fires that would break out), or my all time favorite, the Broke-anawa (damn thing left us dead on the water far too many times). I was a Hull Maintenance Technician (HT). This rate was a combination of Damage Control and Shipfitter. While doing my mess crank duty, when I first came aboard, I was cleaning the overhead next to the skullery on the port side when I came across an old newspaper from 1962. A yardbird must had stuck it up there when he finished reading it. It dates back to just before the ship was christened. Seems to me that a lot of squids were gundecking and not doing their duty. Sadly the Okiboat is now an artificial reef up off of the Washingto coastline May the Proud Lady of the Pacific rest in peace."...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #19 January 22, 2009 Quote Had sex with an ex stripper without using a condom... Yikes... hope you did get tested for STDs. I had a one night stand with some girl I'd never met way back in my mid 20's. She wasn't bad looking, just turned out to be a fucking dipshit who could do nothing worthwhile but fuck every day. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 917 #20 January 22, 2009 Quote just turned out to be a fucking dipshit who could do nothing worthwhile but fuck every day. Please explain how this is bad? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #21 January 22, 2009 Quote Quote just turned out to be a fucking dipshit who could do nothing worthwhile but fuck every day. Please explain how this is bad? Well, having sex every day with a hottie is not a bad thing, but having sex with one that keeps trying to break your pole off with rough thrusts gets tiring after a while, and yes, she preferred to be on top. And no, she absolutely refused to do a BJ, thought that was yucky. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 917 #22 January 22, 2009 So you're personally in support of giving knobbers??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SarahC07 0 #23 January 22, 2009 the list is long and distinguished. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #24 January 22, 2009 Quote the list is long and distinguished. Like my johnson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chiquita24 0 #25 January 22, 2009 Quote "Who are you!". Not quite sure what to say, as I was just scared out of my skin, I began to jump up and down yelling "I'm a ghost, I'm a ghost!". I pictured this happening in my head and it cracked me up! That's some funny shit. "I'm a ghost!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
