BillyVance 35 #1 May 7, 2009 [Stifler voice]I got shat on![/Stifler voice] This past Tuesday I took my wife and kid to the city for my wife's weekly pregnancy checkup, and afterwards met up with another couple and their 14 month old girl at a Chick-Fil-A place. They usually have the best and cleanest indoor jungle gym playsets. Anyway, my 3 year old girl and I decided to help the 14 month old girl climb through the jungle gym to ride the tube slide back down since her dad has a neuro-muscular disorder. So I sit her down on my lap and down we go. She stuck her hands out like a true roller coaster lover would and squealed. At the bottom, her dad retrieved her so I could wriggle myself out of the slide that I was almost too big for. When I got out, they had disappeared and my girl had gone back up through the jungle gym. So I went back to the table to chat with my wife and the other mother. It was then that I started to smell something, like poop. I asked my wife "did you fart?" "No". Just then my girl was standing next to me, and I instinctively reached down to check her pants, which were clean. Huh... But that smell didn't go away. 15 minutes later it was time to go and as I stood up, I finally noticed the source of the odor. Poop smeared on my jeans across the crotch! What the fuck? I asked the other dad if he took his daughter to the bathroom to clean her up. "yep, why?" "She left some of her mess on me." We all bust out laughing. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #2 May 7, 2009 Only you billy only you .....TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrwrong 0 #3 May 7, 2009 Yeah, blame the defenseless 14 month old kid... You mean old man “The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.” - George Bernard Shaw He who dies with the most toys, wins..... dudeist skydiver # 19515 Buy quality and cry once! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #4 May 7, 2009 I thought kids were potty trained by 14 months?Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #5 May 7, 2009 Quote I thought kids were potty trained by 14 months? some but not all...TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrwrong 0 #6 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote I thought kids were potty trained by 14 months? some but not all... I suspect that Billy can scare the shit out of any potty trained kid “The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.” - George Bernard Shaw He who dies with the most toys, wins..... dudeist skydiver # 19515 Buy quality and cry once! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TrophyHusband 0 #7 May 7, 2009 not even close. try 2 1/2 - 3 years, and even then there are lots of "accidents". "Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama www.kjandmegan.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rick 67 #8 May 7, 2009 Usually you gotta pay extra for thator so I've heard You can't be drunk all day if you don't start early! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #9 May 7, 2009 Quote Usually you gotta pay extra for thator so I've heard I was thinkin' the SAME thing! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #10 May 7, 2009 Quote not even close. try 2 1/2 - 3 years, and even then there are lots of "accidents". You're shitting me!! 3 years of changing diapers??? Man!!Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #11 May 7, 2009 Quotenot even close. try 2 1/2 - 3 years, and even then there are lots of "accidents". Yep. Made a lot of progress with my little girl lately, but yeah, accidents do happen."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #12 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote not even close. try 2 1/2 - 3 years, and even then there are lots of "accidents". You're shitting me!! 3 years of changing diapers??? Man!! Fun fun fun til your baby shits on you! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EXTremeWade 0 #13 May 7, 2009 Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #14 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote not even close. try 2 1/2 - 3 years, and even then there are lots of "accidents". Yep. Made a lot of progress with my little girl lately, but yeah, accidents do happen. And now you're getting ready to start it all over again. Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #15 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote Quote not even close. try 2 1/2 - 3 years, and even then there are lots of "accidents". Yep. Made a lot of progress with my little girl lately, but yeah, accidents do happen. And now you're getting ready to start it all over again. Yeah sure, rub it in, why dontcha? "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #16 May 7, 2009 Quote Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. Boy you got that right! Fortunately, I can hold my breath long enough to change a soiled diaper and clean her up. I'm that fast. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #17 May 7, 2009 Quote Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. OMG - This is the kinda stuff that proves I would've been a terrible mother. Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #18 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. OMG - This is the kinda stuff that proves I would've been a terrible mother. I don't think there is anybody that can get through their first shit diaper change without gagging or some kind of reaction, but most do get used to it."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #19 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote Quote Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. OMG - This is the kinda stuff that proves I would've been a terrible mother. I don't think there is anybody that can get through their first shit diaper change without gagging or some kind of reaction, but most do get used to it. I have the WEAKEST stomach!! Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #20 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. OMG - This is the kinda stuff that proves I would've been a terrible mother. This is another thread that makes me glad I didn't have children. Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #21 May 7, 2009 Quote Quote Quote Oh man...that butter-scotch ass milk...its the worst from small children..that dark brown/ yellow paste.. OMG - This is the kinda stuff that proves I would've been a terrible mother. This is another thread that makes me glad I didn't have children. + 1 Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pokerstar 0 #22 May 7, 2009 I would like to congratulate the DZ.Commer that had the forsight to plan this out and pay that small child! Well Done!Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber. --- The Dude --- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #23 May 7, 2009 You should have posted pics... you just KNOW Walt is lurking out there somewhere. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Glitch 0 #24 May 7, 2009 Relax ladies... it's really no big deal when its 'your' kid and besides, it kinda comes with the territory. Someone else's kid though... I'm more than willing to test the effectiveness of their diapers! When my oldest was about 6 mths old, I was laying on the floor kinda lifting her up and bouncing her playing the 'superman' thing (she loved it and would genuinely belly laugh!). On one particular occassion, while we were playing, my wife walked in and warned me not to do that cause she had just fed her. Yep... right on cue... my daughter hurled and I got tagged from top of my chest up. ...and yes, that included a mouthful on my end! We still laugh about it on occassion... but this illustrates my point - it's a whole different world when its your own. Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sletzer 3 #25 May 7, 2009 God damn I don't want kids anymore. I will be kissing hands and shaking babies all afternoon. Thanks for all your support! *bows* SCS #8251 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
