Personal Statement for College Application

[airtwardo 7]

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...talk about why & what happened in those 4 years that caused you to change.

But...I wouldn't go into too much detail about drinking stale cooler water because of a DZ hangover, or the whole sleeping with Divot thing, regardless of how traumatic it was!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[MakeItHappen 15]

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What kind of school are we talking about? How competitive is the application process? I'm assuming this is for a 4 year public university, yes?
What all is included in your application/portfolio?

Lets just say I will have no social life whatsoever the next 6-7 years.
The application process really isn't all that demanding; the G.P.A. requirement is 2.5 on a 4.0 scale. But you have to do your absolute best in order to get into the graduate pharmacy program. Hence why I'm not going to have a life outside of school for a long time starting soon.

Here ya go:

To Whom it May Concern:

I am a graduate of the school of hard knocks. This previous education has taught me that I need to apply myself more, be diligent in my studies and cultivate the self-discipline required to succeed.

I have set my sights on a B.S. in molecular biology, as a stepping stone to becoming a pharmacist. I realize this is a difficult challenge. I am willing to apply myself more today than yesterday because of the life lessons I learned at the school of hard knocks. My motivation is sustained by early lessons about what an aimless life yields.

I implore you to render a favorable decision to my admission to the great university of [insert name here].

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Make It Happen
Parachute History
DiveMaker

[RALFFERS 0]

Please critique this & let me know what you think. I used examples of various life experiences in effort to be remembered & standout from the rest; I hope what I wrote is fitting & appropriate.

In my own critique of this I think that:

1) some of the words I use are repetative (the word "I" for example)

2) The language is not as sophisticated as I would like it to be. However, that could just be me being too critical of myself.

What I'm asking in essence is - does it grab your attention & hold your interest?

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I will never forget the day in the fall of 1996 that my sister walked into my bedroom while my best friend and I were playing video games and spoke the words: “dad has cancer”. I didn't understand what I had just heard, it was almost as though I didn't hear it at all; I wasn't prepared to comprehend the implications that the statement carried. My dad and I didn't always get along, but in that moment the world stopped turning; all our differences did not matter anymore. To this day every time I think of him, I see my sister standing at the foot of my bedroom door, her statement repeating itself over and over in my mind.

Within a couple of weeks a nurse from hospice came every day to provide all the medical car my father required; we did not want him to die alone, he deserved to spend his last days at home with all of us as a family together at his side. His dying words to me are words that I will never forget; they are also a large part of the reason I now find myself writing this essay. I stood at his bedside, and with a very faint voice, all he could say was: “school, school - whatever you do make sure you go to school”. It was clear that he understood something I couldn't grasp then – something I now acknowledge as an adult. He was aware that as a person with a disability I would encounter many hardships and trials in the realm of employment and my professional life. Education is the only solution; the look of concern in my father's eyes conveyed that very clearly. His cautious plea resonates in my mind to this day; it is synonymous with success. Although I have never considered myself disabled, my having Cerebral Palsy has presented a fair amount of difficulty nevertheless. 14 years later I understand the concern my father had and why it was shared without exception by my entire family.

I avow that having a 2.20 is not ideal, but I'm not the same person I was 4 years ago; I am no longer the carefree student attending a community college. Life has taught me a tough lesson in what it is like not to have a college education; reaping the consequences that I have has proved to by a life-changing experience. Not only do I need much more than an Associates of Arts degree in order to prove myself a valuable asset, but I need the maximum amount of education in order to be that valuable asset. As a result, my goals, aspirations, ambitions and perspective have all changed dramatically. Furthermore, I genuinely want to go back in pursuit of higher education.

I aspire to attain a PharmD degree because I thoroughly enjoy science, and have a veritable compassion for working with, and helping people. Moreover, pharmacy eliminates potential barriers in the the workplace pertaining to my disability. It is a very rewarding & fitting career, in both personal and financial aspects.

I did not often exercise in the course of my life – I was of the opinion that I my physical condition was decent and my Cerebral Palsy was not going to worsen. However, that all changed the day I made my first skydive. It was yet another life-changing experience; the friends and bonds I have made are truly one of life's priceless treasures. The sport is about so much more than just jumping out of airplanes. Currently I am not able to jump due to expense, but that has not hindered me from vigorously going to the gym and beginning a regime with a physical therapist to overcome the obstacles set before me. Since may 12, 2007 I vowed to do whatever it took to skydive; despite being disabled and having limited financial resources. In much the same respect, I will not allow an average G.P.A. to deter me from achieving my academic and financial goals.

I implore you to make a favorable decision with regard to my admission into the pre pharmacy program. UIC is known for academic excellence and having a diverse student body. People become successful professionals in a variety of fields because of the quality of instruction received. I want nothing more and nothing less than to become a part of such an institution.

maybe I should take out the reference to skyiding, due to fear of someone finding this website & judging me based on some of my posts??... On the other hand, I think it fits the context of what I'm trying to express.

Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself -

"from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of

[Belgian_Draft 0]

One of the most valuable friends I made in college was a rank-and-file English professor. She was always willing to give advice on projects, essays, and reports that I was required to write all through my college career. Try to make an appointment to visit an English prof at the college you are applying to or the one where you recieved your AA. They can point you in the direction you need to go and most likely will be willing to proofread and critique your essay.
Best of luck to you and study hard!

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
object we are trying to hit.