nerdgirl 0 #51 May 30, 2009 Quote So your friend is asking if her request for reciprocation was unreasonable? I don't think it is as much unreasonable as it is typical. God knows I've asked that question damn near everytime I've started dating someone new. More often than not I've received the same ultimatum which I too am unwilling to compromise on. My unwillingness to share a woman I may or may not be into trumps the desire to fulfill my fantasy to experience a FMF. What can I say...I like elbow room. But that is the end of the conversation. I won't bring it up again. That leads me to another question...who continues to initiate the conversation since you say it is ongoing? Much credit to you for respecting your partner’s/girlfriend’s responses. A few questions … not expecting answers, some you are likely to have thought of before … feel free, as always, to tell me it’s none of my business or throw all comments out the proverbial wondow. Are you bringing up the notional idea at 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years? Very different levels of trust. Are you bringing up the notional idea to 23-yo, 33-yo, or 43-yo women? While all skydiving women are more mature & secure than their non-skydiving sistahs (just like all skydiving men are more responsible, more attractive, and better lovers than their non-skydiving brethren), the insecurity level of your average 23-yo is higher than the 33 or 43-yo in the wider dating pool. (There are obvious exceptions at both ends of the chronological spectrum.) But strategically, if you’re looking to maximize the likelihood of getting what you want … I’m just saying … Do you have a fantasy that is *any* two women (w/reasonable constraints of attractiveness as defined by you and restrictions of law)? Or is it your partner + another woman? There’s everything right w/self-directed fantasies, imo, and there’s nothing wrong with one of those being the center of attention of two semi-random, consenting adult women, imo. If that’s it, the scenario [LisaH] noted in post #35: “3 consenting adults that are not involved with each other, that’s a different story. It’s all fun” might be strategically a better course of action. Especially if you’re not dating anyone. How are you asking? Putting the notional idea out there, perhaps playfully at first, and saying something to the extent that you’re not seeking a yes/no *right then* but was wondering if they’ve done it/thought about it/what would they think … and making it clear that the other person has some time to think about it and negotiate the situation with you. Putting someone on the spot with a surprise offer in any negotiation from a 3-way to nuclear nonproliferation – which is not to necessarily imply that’s what you’re doing; I obviously don’t know – is rarely a good tactic. Have you tried to find out why the lack of willingness? Some may not want to share you, some might think sharing is problematic, some might think it’s a referendum on her performance/behavior/attractiveness to you, some might have rational or irrational health concerns, some might be concerned about anonymity. Heck, when considering avocational choices, one of things that goes through my mind is “how would this sound if it came up in a Senate Confirmation hearing?” Because of that I’ve made choices like not getting a “B.” I’ve accepted that while I would like a BASE number, the risk of an illegal jump is not worth it *for me.* Some of those concerns you can work through (& might get what you want along with a good relationship). Some you can’t. Wisdom to know the difference, eh? W/r/t my friends in ATL, the impression I got was it’s an ongoing dialogue between the two of them. Marg … hmmm … maybe it *is* like negotiating with a foreign state … Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters. Tibetan Buddhist saying Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #52 May 30, 2009 lol this thread isn't about me and my pursuit of a threesome. Besides I don't necessarily pursue it as much as just keep an ear out for opportunities. It's just a fantasy and fantasies are better left fantasies so it's not a big deal to me. maybe i'll elaborate via pm www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #53 May 30, 2009 Quote lol this thread isn't about me and my pursuit of a threesome. Besides I don't necessarily pursue it as much as just keep an ear out for opportunities. It's just a fantasy and fantasies are better left fantasies so it's not a big deal to me. maybe i'll elaborate via pm Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #54 May 31, 2009 I was thinking about this thread, and trying to find some statistics about polyamorous relationships - whether they actually end at a higher rate than monogamous relationships, as many people seem to think they do. Anyhow I couldn't find any good stats, but I thought this paragraph was interesting (from a paper on therapy for polyamorous clients): QuotePolyamorous relationships end for a number of reasons. Most often, they end for the same reasons that monogamous relationships end (Ramey, 1975; Rubin and Adams, 1986) - differing needs, falling out of love, and so forth. The partners may need extra support during this time, as they may feel shame that they weren't able to make the relationship work. Often a polyamorous person has been a "representative for polyamory" among their monogamous friends, and they may fear that their more skeptical friends will take the ending of their relationship as evidence that polyamory isn't a viable lifestyle. Of course, when a monogamous relationship ends, it is not typically interpreted as evidence that monogamy is not a viable lifestyle. Likewise, the ending of a polyamorous union does not signify that polyamory is unviable. The therapist can help the client to see through this double standard, and express it to their friends. http://www.numenor.org/~gdw/psychologist/bipolycounseling.html It's not really relevant to this thread, since it sounds like your friend is talking about more of a one-time thing. But I was just curious, because every time this sort of topic comes up, a lot of people claim that non-monogamous relationships rarely work. And since I haven't had that same perception, I was just wondering if there is any way to tell whose perception is correct. (Probably not - not enough data on the subject?) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
molonlabe 0 #55 May 31, 2009 Dude, you got one of the classiest & smartest (=’s hottest) single dz.com chicas to talk about how to get 2 chicks to have a 3-way. Not sure whether to salute you & say thank you for your brilliant maneuvers, or call ya a dumbass for encouraging her to stop. Damned girl that was a hot! Dr. Marg, you're my nominee for the ultimate good girl/bad girl. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #56 June 1, 2009 Quote Dude, you got one of the classiest & smartest (=’s hottest) single dz.com chicas to talk about how to get 2 chicks to have a 3-way. Not sure whether to salute you & say thank you for your brilliant maneuvers, or call ya a dumbass for encouraging her to stop. Damned girl that was a hot! Dr. Marg, you're my nominee for the ultimate good girl/bad girl. lol I knew there would be no escaping ridicule. Who knew it would come from the first post of a brand knew account tho?! www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skittles_of_SDC 0 #57 June 2, 2009 Quote Only 1 man in a 3-way. 2 guys and 1 girl is called a devils 3 some for a reason. I guess if you don't cross swords and call no homo before hand it's ok? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
