3-way - quid pro quo?

[ryoder 1,590]

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Sounds reasonable to me, if it's something that they both really want to do - not just one agreeing to do it because the other really wants to.

I'm sure they both realize that there are risks involved, so I guess they just have to decide if they think it will be worth it.

I'll bet that is the same speech you give to couples considering doing a tandem, isn't it?

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[d_squared431 0]

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Are you calling Bolas a man?

Since he was wearing a jumpsuit, and not a thong on this occassion, yes.

Lmao...

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[Shotgun 1]

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Sounds reasonable to me, if it's something that they both really want to do - not just one agreeing to do it because the other really wants to.

I'm sure they both realize that there are risks involved, so I guess they just have to decide if they think it will be worth it.

I'll bet that is the same speech you give to couples considering doing a tandem, isn't it?

Hmm, no..... My speech I give to couples considering doing a tandem is, "Hell no! Stay away from those freaks! They will ruin your marriage and drink all of your beer!"

[jcd11235 0]

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So what do you think? Reasonable request?

Yes, it's a reasonable request.

Math tutoring available. Only $6! per hour! First lesson: Factorials!

[Baksteen 84]

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Sounds reasonable to me, if it's something that they both really want to do - not just one agreeing to do it because the other really wants to.

I'm sure they both realize that there are risks involved, so I guess they just have to decide if they think it will be worth it.

It sounds to me as if the OP's friend already made up her mind. She's open to the suggestion, if her partner is to hers.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess..



I'll bet that is the same speech you give to couples considering doing a tandem, isn't it?

A tandem??
Two virgins being strapped to their instructors 'cuz they are afraid to do it by themselves or alternatively want to try it only once just to be able to say they did it?

You live and learn.

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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Only 1 man in a 3-way.

I guess I am old fashion but I have to agree with you. The first thought that pops in my mind when someone says three way would be 1guy and 2 women.

I think I'm really old fashioned but I think of MMF.
Deedy, that's male/male/female. You know I like the initial thing.....

Always be kinder than you feel.

[d_squared431 0]

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Only 1 man in a 3-way.

I guess I am old fashion but I have to agree with you. The first thought that pops in my mind when someone says three way would be 1guy and 2 women.

I think I'm really old fashioned but I think of MMF.
Deedy, that's male/male/female. You know I like the initial thing.....

I'm glad you cleared up the MMF abr. for me so I didn't have to PM you again to ask...

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[SkyDekker 1,465]

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So what do you think? Reasonable request?

I think the request is reasonable. I do think that lots of communication needs to happen. Both for the reason of the first request and the reason behind the request in return.

Bringing others into your "bedroom" can be a lot of fun, and can actually make relationships much closer. However, the key is communication, a mutual understanding of the drive behind it, clear and understood boundaries and the trust and respect that ensures that mutual agreements are kept, even in "the heat of the moment".

[Andy9o8 2]

Shouldn't this be moved to General Skydiving?



What?

[LisaH 0]

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So what do you think? Reasonable request?

I think the request is reasonable. I do think that lots of communication needs to happen. Both for the reason of the first request and the reason behind the request in return.

Bringing others into your "bedroom" can be a lot of fun, and can actually make relationships much closer. However, the key is communication, a mutual understanding of the drive behind it, clear and understood boundaries and the trust and respect that ensures that mutual agreements are kept, even in "the heat of the moment".

I don't agree with this.

A 3-way can destroy a relationship. And it usually does. Jealousy eventually rears it's ugly head.

If it is 3 consenting adults that are not involved with each other, that's a different story. It's all fun.

Edit to add: Been there, done that. And would never do it again while in a relationship.

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[porpoishead 8]

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It's all fun.

how do you know....

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[SkyDekker 1,465]

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A 3-way can destroy a relationship. And it usually does. Jealousy eventually rears it's ugly head.

Of course it can, usually cause the people involved in the relationship weren't being honest with each other.

I don't know what you are basing the "and it usually does" part on. I see many threesomes, foursomes and multiples happen on a very frequent basis. Some end up in disaster, but the far majority don't.

[mamajumps 0]

I am all about being open minded and as long as there are ground rules, and both people in the relationship can be trusted and it is a secure thing, then I say go for it... HOWEVER, it should never be used as a tool to fix a broken relationship....

[LisaH 0]

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A 3-way can destroy a relationship. And it usually does. Jealousy eventually rears it's ugly head.

Of course it can, usually cause the people involved in the relationship weren't being honest with each other.

I don't know what you are basing the "and it usually does" part on. I see many threesomes, foursomes and multiples happen on a very frequent basis. Some end up in disaster, but the far majority don't.

Just from what I've seen and experienced.

Be yourself!
MooOOooOoo

[iambeav2 0]

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I am all about being open minded and as long as there are ground rules, and both people in the relationship can be trusted and it is a secure thing, then I say go for it... HOWEVER, it should never be used as a tool to fix a broken relationship....

So....what's up loverly

...it's not the fact that you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone...it's the fact that you don't appreciate what you have until someone appreciates it for you!

[nerdgirl 0]

Thanks for all the comments. Had not initially expected the plurality to see any kind/arrangement of a 3-way as a problem. Sometimes it’s neat to get unexpected responses.

My initial response at the time was “You’re not negotiating with the North Koreans; it’s not a quid pro quo thing.”

(Yes, that may represent the first direct comparison btw a 3-way and DPRK. )


I thought that the two scenarios should be disaggregated: him having a 2-way with his long-time girlfriend and another woman _from_ her having a 2-way with him and another man.

I didn’t see her willingness to help make her lover’s fantasy come true as an indicator of a negative trend in their relationship. The choices of two consenting adults who are committed to each other are their choices. (Not my choices, their choices.) For her, a 3-way was on the metaphorical table. Concur w/[Shotgun]: there are risks, both emotional and physical. Concur w/[SkyDekker] that really honest communication is likely to be a critical factor, along with respect for one’s partner (going both/all ways).


The reciprocal scenario was the point of disagreement between her & her boyfriend. Like [cocheese] & I suspect others, her boyfriend seems to have issues with the two guy configuration. Maybe he just doesn’t want to share her … or whatever reason; not worth speculating at the time, imo. It might be different for him. Yeah (agree w/[tigra] & [skydemon2]), it’s a double standard … real life is filled with double standards. This is not one that I’m going to invest my time/effort in fighting.

If the 2-guy scenario is off the table for him, pushing it seems counter-productive to a good relationship, imo … especially if it’s being pushed just for perceived equity, i.e., qui pro quo. Suggested they figure out some other fantasy of hers to pursue in which he is willing to participate.

/Marg

Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters.
Tibetan Buddhist saying

[Shotgun 1]

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The reciprocal scenario was the point of disagreement between her & her boyfriend.

Oh. I didn't understand that from the original post. If this is the case, then my guess is that - as a couple - they are not good candidates for the 3-way thing (either way).

Well, unless the "two women" thing is also a fantasy of hers, but it doesn't sound like it is.

[nerdgirl 0]

Sharing - with explicit permission – something from a dz.commer who prefers to maintain anonymity:

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Speaking from experience, if they're relationship is strong enough, it will transcend jealously. He will care as much about her wants and desires as he does his own and therefore, He will not have a problem with it. Why would he if he knows, not thinks, but knows he is the one.

It is possible and quite common to maintain deep and respectful love for our primary partner and yet, be attracted to others. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to share with another without taking from someone else.

If the relationship is built on honesty and deep respect for both involved, then adventures involving a third or some other multiple will do no harm and (here’s the part most people have a hard time believing) may actually do more to strengthen their relationship than anything else ever had before. Why? Because of the honesty of it all.

Imagine how wonderful it would be to say to your SO…”Today I met this person who made me so hot, I thought I was going to cum right there in the vegetable isle of supper market.”

One might say that to their best girl friend or buddy but why not to their wife or husband. Shouldn’t they be the ones that we are closest to in the whole world? We will be spending the rest of our lives with these people correct? We should at least be able to say what’s on our mind? Especially if it makes us hot.

When we can say that to our Primary love, and KNOW it will not hurt them, we have something truly special.

In short-
If he is unwilling to allow her the same greedy, consequence free experience that he himself desires, then the foundation upon which there relationship is built is unsound and it wont be long before that house of cards comes crashing down.

Think there are comments that range from valid to wise in there. The ones specific to the vegetable aisle and a 3-way resonate less for me personally than the more general ones on love & dynamics of working at a good relationship with an SO, whether it be about a 3-way, who gets to control the remote, or finances.

/Marg

Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters.
Tibetan Buddhist saying

[downwardspiral 0]

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I thought that the two scenarios should be disaggregated: him having a 2-way with his long-time girlfriend and another woman _from_ her having a 2-way with him and another man.

Was her requirement of reciprocation just her way of saying no? Or does she really want two men and bartering with here boyfriend's sexual fantasies is how she feels she can get it?

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[nerdgirl 0]

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I thought that the two scenarios should be disaggregated: him having a 2-way with his long-time girlfriend and another woman _from_ her having a 2-way with him and another man.

Was her requirement of reciprocation just her way of saying no?

I don't think so. But it might be ... I think they're both fantastic humans (which, to be explicit for the more salacious readers, does *not* mean I'm interested in a 3-way.) So I'm not an unbiased observor. I'd like to think that she would be more direct given her usual external/public behavior, but privately she may not be. I dunno.

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Or does she really want two men and bartering with here boyfriend's sexual fantasies is how she feels she can get it?

Maybe ... altho' my impression was more that it was his longtime fantasy (FMF), which she was game to pursue, and as a result of that she perceived a fairness/equity issue in pursuing a reciprocal 3-way in which she would be the center of attention.

I think it is that "bartering" or bargaining part that prickled me. Of course, there can be a fine line between bartering and compromise, the latter which is important in almost all relationships, including friendships and professional ones.

/Marg

Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters.
Tibetan Buddhist saying

[downwardspiral 0]

So your friend is asking if her request for reciprocation was unreasonable? I don't think it is as much unreasonable as it is typical.

God knows I've asked that question damn near everytime I've started dating someone new. More often than not I've received the same ultimatum which I too am unwilling to compromise on. My unwillingness to share a woman I may or may not be into trumps the desire to fulfill my fantasy to experience a FMF. What can I say...I like elbow room.

But that is the end of the conversation. I won't bring it up again. That leads me to another question...who continues to initiate the conversation since you say it is ongoing?


Oh yeah...I always get this too "I'm surprised you haven't experienced that yet"

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[Remster 30]

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So I'm not an unbiased observor.

I didnt realized you did video too.

Remster

[Shotgun 1]

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the desire to fulfill my fantasy to experience a FMF

Wow, I'm surprised you haven't experienced that yet. How old are you???

[downwardspiral 0]

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the desire to fulfill my fantasy to experience a FMF

Wow, I'm surprised you haven't experienced that yet. How old are you???

Oh you $%&@#!!!

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[tigra 0]

Ok, so you are willing to share a woman you "may or may not be into" with another woman but not with another man? That makes me think of the "Friends" episode when Ross begins to suspect his wife is gay- she agrees to a threesome with another woman and they all but kick Ross out of the bed!

Maybe your desire to be up close and personal with some girl on girl action trumps your natural instinct to be jealous and territorial? Or maybe you're just afraid of accidently bumping uglies with the wrong person if you do the MWM variety?

Not picking on you- I just think its an interesting double standard, and I think a fairly common one among men and women.