BillyVance 35 #1 July 23, 2008 Glasgow Sunday School I was testing the children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven. I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?''NO!' the children answered. 'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?' Again, the answer was, 'NO!' By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again. Again, they all answered, 'NO!' I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?' A six-year-old boy shouted out, 'YOU'VE GOT TAE BE FOOKIN' DEAD`"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JustChuteMeNow 0 #2 July 23, 2008 I will definitely be telling this one.Think of how stupid the average person is and realize that statistically half of them are stupider than that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
idrankwhat 0 #4 July 23, 2008 Good one!Let's keep 'em coming! A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate. "Yes. You have no ears." He quickly eliminated the first candidate. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate. "Yes. You have no ears." He quickly eliminated the second candidate. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate. "Yes. You're wearing contacts." Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?" "You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator 4 #5 July 24, 2008 so did he get the job?CLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08 CSA #720 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lilDevil 2 #6 July 24, 2008 ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #7 July 24, 2008 Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the towns only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny ... He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house ... walked home ... and left it there all night. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,589 #8 June 3, 2009 In the spirit of recycling, I'll just recycle this thread and add a new joke QuoteThe first testicular guard "cup" was used in hockey in 1874. The first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for hockey players to realize that the brain is also important. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyjumpenfool 2 #10 June 3, 2009 A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!" Birdshit & Fools Productions "Son, only two things fall from the sky." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
