JerryBaumchen 1,451 #1 June 2, 2009 A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip." The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault." JerryBaumchen An engineer Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #2 June 2, 2009 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The Engineer said, “In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit’s package.“ The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?“ The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?” And the HR Person said, “Certainly, …but you started it.“www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #3 June 2, 2009 Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" he was gone. Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff" he was also gone. The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm" Moral of the story is: "Always allow the boss to speak first"www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,087 #4 June 3, 2009 Ironically, when I graduated from MIT in 1987, two friends of mine (later married) got starting salaries of $70,000 a year - and company cars. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #5 June 3, 2009 The second worst thing I did in my life was to become an engineer. Took me 8 years to unbecome an engineer! I wouldn't recommend engineering to any one I care about. They spend 4 years stripping you of your humanity and your soul. Most of your professors either hate you for no reason what so ever, don't speak English or are allergic to soap and water or both. And all of the jokes.....they are all true for the most part. It takes a real strong guy or gal to fight the power and not become a engamanderd.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thedude325 0 #6 June 3, 2009 as an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBabe 0 #7 June 3, 2009 as an educated engineer and project manager by experience...i love these!!! Both sides are sooooo true Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #8 June 3, 2009 Quoteas an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! SO....how many girls in your class? I went to a big university. We have 6 out of 100 students. 1 was a friend / study buddy 2 were dating each other 3 were women by DNA but couldn't tell by shape or looks. And it didn't get better when I graduated. In my facility we say "If here eye brows aren't connected and she isn't wearing sweat pants to work....she's hot!"Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #9 June 3, 2009 A fat, bald middle-aged man arrives with a ladder, and ascends only half-way to the balloon. "Who are you?" asks the manager. "I'm middle management," replies the man, "but don't worry, I used to do something similar to engineering, back when we were starting fires with rocks and sticks." "What do you do now?" "I just sit in meetings all day and eat donuts, but I can translate", replied the middle-manager. "What did that other guy say, exactly?", said the woman. "He said you should land your balloon in the middle of that lake that's surrounded by electrical wires. I'm very sure that's what he said." "What if I die?", asked the woman. "It's not my fault. The weather was the problem. Or you're balloon wasn't built to specifications, but you never told us." "And if I live and make my meeting?" "Then it was all my idea."Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thedude325 0 #10 June 3, 2009 QuoteQuoteas an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! SO....how many girls in your class? I went to a big university. We have 6 out of 100 students. 1 was a friend / study buddy 2 were dating each other 3 were women by DNA but couldn't tell by shape or looks. And it didn't get better when I graduated. In my facility we say "If here eye brows aren't connected and she isn't wearing sweat pants to work....she's hot!" we have a little more than that. half are actually pretty damn hot. i wouldn't date an engineer though. i'm dating a nurse right now. (student nurse that is) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #11 June 3, 2009 Quote Ironically, when I graduated from MIT in 1987, two friends of mine (later married) got starting salaries of $70,000 a year - and company cars. You DO realize they're jokes right? www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #12 June 3, 2009 QuoteQuoteQuoteas an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! SO....how many girls in your class? I went to a big university. We have 6 out of 100 students. 1 was a friend / study buddy 2 were dating each other 3 were women by DNA but couldn't tell by shape or looks. And it didn't get better when I graduated. In my facility we say "If here eye brows aren't connected and she isn't wearing sweat pants to work....she's hot!" we have a little more than that. half are actually pretty damn hot. i wouldn't date an engineer though. i'm dating a nurse right now. (student nurse that is) Oh yeah 3 of the 6 were HOT! But two wer dating soo..... And yes, I know I'll start a poop storm, but I agree. Engineering girls are difficult to date.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBabe 0 #13 June 3, 2009 why, because they're smarter than you? (seriously, you seem like a nice dude...but do you have to be such a stereotype?) Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyjumpenfool 2 #14 June 3, 2009 Quoteas an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! As someone who teaches engineering, I find the above jokes offensive! So, keep em coming!! Q: What do engineers use for birth control? A: Their personalities. The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn't teach 10. There are at least 10 types of capacitors. 9. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work. 8. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook. 7. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use. 6. Always try to fix the hardware with software. 5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life. 4. Overtime pay? What overtime pay? 3. Managers, not engineers, rule the world. 2. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software. 1. Dilbert is a documentary.Birdshit & Fools Productions "Son, only two things fall from the sky." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #15 June 3, 2009 Quote why, because they're smarter than you? No not that, hell I like smarter women, smart is very very sexy. Engineering girls are well......angry at who I don't know for what I have no clue but when dating them it was me on both accounts. Great "study buddies" but a real relationship? No thanks. I mean ok if I did something wrong ok then yeah get angry at me and throw a fit. But if you feel that there is some sort of glass ceiling and your professor doesn't respect you due to your gender....don't scream at me! I just brought over dinner! Which is much better than your average dude engineer who just puts his head down and mumbles a few things and is passive aggressive for the rest of the year. Hence why I took as many humanities class I could. Just to stay somewhat human.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,087 #16 June 3, 2009 > Engineering girls are well......angry . . . Hmm. Most of the "engineering girls" I knew were pretty happy people! Of course, we had a higher ratio of women to men in the place I lived in college (closer to 50/50) so that probably had something to do with it. It was also sort of the 'jock dorm' so we got all the athletic women. Maybe they're happier overall or something. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #17 June 4, 2009 Quote> Engineering girls are well......angry . . . Hmm. Most of the "engineering girls" I knew were pretty happy people! Of course, we had a higher ratio of women to men in the place I lived in college (closer to 50/50) so that probably had something to do with it. It was also sort of the 'jock dorm' so we got all the athletic women. Maybe they're happier overall or something. Oh yeah! When the population is more 50/50 than say 5/50 people are calmer and the population just happier.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LyraM45 0 #18 June 17, 2009 Quote Quote Quote Quote as an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! SO....how many girls in your class? I went to a big university. We have 6 out of 100 students. 1 was a friend / study buddy 2 were dating each other 3 were women by DNA but couldn't tell by shape or looks. And it didn't get better when I graduated. In my facility we say "If here eye brows aren't connected and she isn't wearing sweat pants to work....she's hot!" we have a little more than that. half are actually pretty damn hot. i wouldn't date an engineer though. i'm dating a nurse right now. (student nurse that is) Oh yeah 3 of the 6 were HOT! But two wer dating soo..... And yes, I know I'll start a poop storm, but I agree. Engineering girls are difficult to date. I went to an engineering and aeronautical university. A huge group of geeks, I'll tell ya, but the women there that I knew who were engineers definitely were not 'angry' and had no problems dating. I think that guys look for excuses as to why they can't get a female who is an engineer to go on a date; they rationalize it by saying things like "they're difficult," or, "angry." I think maybe its just that these women are smart enough to know who they want to deal with and who is way under their league. You might call that "picky," but I call that smart! S-M-R-T!! Apologies for the spelling (and grammar).... I got a B.S, not a B.A. :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #19 June 17, 2009 pffffft.....but not fun nor easy I went to class to be smart, once class was over the education ended and so did dealing with difficult people. So I hung out with the Psych and Socio girls who giggled and loved body shots. Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OlympiaStoica 0 #20 June 17, 2009 QuoteThe second worst thing I did in my life was to become an engineer. Took me 8 years to unbecome an engineer! I wouldn't recommend engineering to any one I care about. Dumbest thing I’ve read this week … make that this year. I started as an engineer and grew in ranks to manage engineers and technicians. It affords me financial independence and expensive hobbies such as travel and skydiving. O Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #21 June 17, 2009 Quote Dumbest thing I’ve read this week … make that this year. I started as an engineer and grew in ranks to manage engineers and technicians. It affords me financial independence and expensive hobbies such as travel and skydiving. O O I think it depends on where you work and where you went to school. I went to a very large university where I was a number. And then I graduated and ended up working for a very very large group. And sadly the group consisted of guys who were either, very geeky, very stubborn, very much out of touch or collected guns and lived with their parents at the age of 45 and consider a 2000 Civic to be premo ride. I'm sure if I had maybe had gone to a smaller university and had worked for a more forward leaning competitive company and slightly higher pay my attitude would be different. But in all honesty I'm glad I'm no longer an engineer. Being a manager is a breath of fresh air in that the quality of people I deal with on a day to day are of a much higher quality.....they moved out of their parents houses at 30. But long story short, if you have the brains to be an engineer, you can be one hell of a manager, have gotten you MBA in 4 years and had an easier life with almost twice the pay……but then again, I live by NYC and things are different here.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool-Aid 0 #22 June 19, 2009 Quote Quote Quote as an engineering student, i'm loving this thread! SO....how many girls in your class? I went to a big university. We have 6 out of 100 students. 1 was a friend / study buddy 2 were dating each other 3 were women by DNA but couldn't tell by shape or looks. And it didn't get better when I graduated. In my facility we say "If here eye brows aren't connected and she isn't wearing sweat pants to work....she's hot!" we have a little more than that. half are actually pretty damn hot. i wouldn't date an engineer though. i'm dating a nurse right now. (student nurse that is) Head Nurse I hope!Oh Yea!!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #23 June 19, 2009 The world needs engineers. My dad was in aerospace for 45 years. His work is on the Moon, orbiting the Earth, and carrying millions of passengers on flights every year. He gave me a love of aviation that led me to where I am today, and the analytical skills to achieve my goals. My oldest daughter is in an engineering college in Boston. I've met a lot of the kids, maybe 40% female, and, although extremely intelligent, they are a fun loving (hard partying) bunch of kids with full social lives. Few of them would be mistaken for football jocks, but most of them don't fit the couch potato geek mold. Many of the coeds were very pretty, but being a dad, I didn't notice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lauraliscious 0 #24 June 19, 2009 LOL, as an engineer, I love this thread! For the most part anyway. At my school about 25% of my (mechanical) engineering class were female. I never heard anyone crying or whining about glass ceilings or lack of respect from the professors due to gender. I don't know, maybe different schools are different. Enemiga Rodriguez, PMS #369, OrFun #25, Team Dirty Sanchez #116, Pelt Head #29, Muff #4091 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerryzflies 0 #25 June 19, 2009 The man doth protest too much, methinks. What's the matter, did you get bad grades or something?If you can't fix it with a hammer, the problem's electrical. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
