61 Important Facts about Life...

[MaVriK 0]

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you

realize you're wrong.

2. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or

Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

3. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else

to say".

4. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'

to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an

overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

5. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every

year?

6. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she

hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet

stalking.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard.

This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be

ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

8. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink

to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks

when they’ve invented the lighter?

9. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re

going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be

going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction

from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or

phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no

one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching

directions on the sidewalk.

10. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was

younger.

11. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know”

feature on facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to

be friends with?

12. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t

work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix

the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to

fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq’s. We just

figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

13. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

14. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and

suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

15. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually

becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90

minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the

right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a

millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really

gets it.

16. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped

on ” highway blackout ” when, inevitably , I had to find a bathroom.

Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried

to walk over there, but ran into a girl coming the other way. We played

that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my

hand to guide myself past and that is when I realized, yup, that’s a mirror

I just tried to walk through. And the girl on the other side is me. Even

cats can recognize their own image.

17. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

18. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than

take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

19. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear

your computer history if you die.

20. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to

finish a text.

21. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the

spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

22. Was learning cursive really necessary?

23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and

hunger.

24. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron

test is absolutely petrifying.

25. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all

I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

26. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod

and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

27. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up

to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

28. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’

examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot.

Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s

G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

29. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each

other?

30. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and

instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

31. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I

know how to get out of my neighborhood.

32. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the

person died.

33. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the

shower first and THEN turn on the water.

34. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,

and you can wear them forever.

35. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

36. Bad decisions make good stories.

37. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their

profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the

Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

38. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would

probably just be completely invisible.

39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go

around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly

nervous? I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a

problem….

40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work

when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive

for the rest of the day.

41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t

want to have to restart my collection.

42. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are

going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

43. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me

if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I

did not make any changes to.

44. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching

TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I

keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a

matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be

friends after this?’

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?

Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to

voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing

anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

48. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle,

then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.

49. Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising

speed for pedophiles…

50. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,

but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

51. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not

know what time it is.

52. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

53. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to

answer when they call.

54. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I

find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact

that I was not aware of my condition in college.

55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to

with it.

56. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw

they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone

at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then

estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a

large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like

being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car

keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass

everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7

seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

58. The other day some kid asked me, ”what would happen if you ran over a

ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the

link takes me to a video instead of text.

60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they

drive behind obeys the speed limit.

61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well

~MaVriK~
"The Greatest Accomplishment in life is actually Living it"

[BDashe 0]

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=3655231;search_string=Kay%20Jewelers;#3655231

So there I was...

Making friends and playing nice since 1983

[AggieDave 6]

Quote

60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they

drive behind obeys the speed limit.

Yup.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[MaVriK 0]

DOH!

~MaVriK~
"The Greatest Accomplishment in life is actually Living it"

[kj126 0]

Cant make the guys laugh about it anymore though.

Got pulled over about a month ago (speeding) of course asked how fast I was going, i pulled out my radar gun that I use to measure swoop speed and said looks like about the same as you.

Still gave me the damn ticket...sheesh.

I Am Sofa King We Todd Did!!

[JohnDeere 0]

Quote

said looks like about the same as you.

Yea i tried that once...... After i was following the cop speeding, not using blinkers and cutting people off (both of us). Didnt turn out to well. I got a few tickets and almost went to jail

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!

[EvilEagle 0]

God, I almost cried at that 'ran over a ninja bit'.... classic!

[SKYgoonie 0]

3. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

LOL

i only pretend to know what im doing
D.S.#619