npgraphicdesign 3 #1 August 31, 2009 One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... --------------------------------------- My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the TV?" I replied "Dust". And that's how the fight started..... --------------------------------------- A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And that's how the fight started..... --------------------------------------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.. I bought her a scale. And that's how the fight started..... **** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****** I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' And that's when the fight started.... --------------------------------------- My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' And that's when the fight started.... --------------------------------------- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. And that's when the fight started..... --------------------------------------- I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started..... --------------------------------------- My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And that's when the fight started... --------------------------------------- After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too' And that's how the fight got started..... . --------------------------------------- I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' The waiter said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight got started.... --------------------------------------- Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's how the fight got started..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misternatural 0 #2 August 31, 2009 Nikita mentioned the Yankees and their 82 wins-at a clam bar in Boston...... Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires. D S #3.1415 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #3 August 31, 2009 Quote Nikita mentioned the Yankees and their 82 wins-at a clam bar in Boston...... Touché! That definitely belongs on there! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
buff 0 #4 August 31, 2009 My girlfriend found out that I was initiated by a Bumpy Rodriguez Brother - and that's how the fight started. It's called the Hillbilly Hop N Pop dude. If you're gonna be stupid, you better be tough. That's fucked up. Watermelons do not grow on trees! ~Skymama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iambeav2 0 #5 August 31, 2009 Hell, my ex g/f found out that I got initiated at the Rodriguez Reunion of '08...don't matter by who, but she was a jumper and knew the ceremony...and that's how the fight started. Damn funny thing is she got shitfaced drunk, cocked a depressed attitude and passed out in the tent...I kept drinkin, haha....it's not the fact that you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone...it's the fact that you don't appreciate what you have until someone appreciates it for you! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #6 August 31, 2009 "I met this dwarf skydiver who wasn't much taller than 4 feet, but had this custom made rig that fit him perfectly. We decided to do a 5 way in which he would be the base since he drops like a cannonball and we all would chase him down and do a spider formation. Well, I misjudged my approach and ended up 5 feet directly above his burble, and dropped right on him, taking out the formation. After we all landed safely, he waddled up to me and said "I am not happy!" "Well, which one are you?" And that's when the fight started. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #7 August 31, 2009 QuoteWell, I misjudged my approach and ended up 5 feet directly above his burble, and dropped right on him, taking out the formation. After we all landed safely, he waddled up to me and said "I am not happy!" "Well, which one are you?" I walked away without knowing it edited for accuracyYou are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #8 August 31, 2009 Bry-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
c10edges 0 #9 August 31, 2009 This made my day. It was pretty shifty. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
