lawrocket 3 #51 December 16, 2009 The original post causes me some grave concern for the long term prospects of this marriage. I've been there and have a great deal of personal 20/20 vision right now. The feeling that you aren't first is a feeling that isn't forgotten easily - ever. It is an issue that should be openly discussed with your wife. Feeling second-best is not something you find acceptable. Nor should you. I know now that marriages take a lot more work than most realize. Love isn't enough. It also takes communication. Open, honest, non-defensive communication. It can be pretty damned tough to discuss feelings. You don't want to seem needy, right? You don't want to be in her way because you love her. This is not a discussion to be having with an internet group. This is a discussion to have with her. If you feel unwilling to tell her how you feel then it does not bode well. Things WILL get worse. It will be even harder to speak with her. Maybe she wants you to tell her that you feel you should be number one. Maybe not. Maybe she doesn't want to hear that. Maybe you are not. Maybe she has no idea you feel this way because you have not told her. It's so goddamned simple that most don't see it. I did not see it. Nor did she. Not until it was too late. The regret lies in the years of misunderstanding and hurt that could have been rectified had one of us just had the guts to be vulnerable. Talk to her. Tell her. Understand each other. Don't make it about what she is not doing but about what you want. What you need. Do you need her? Then tell her. If she needs you then she is in a place to tell you, as well. If you cannot trust each other to openly speak to each other then what relationship do you have now? It will only get more difficult. Don't let yourself be tormented. Speak and listen. Make sure your wife is not tormented by enabling her to speak and listen. Your marriage is counting on it... My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #52 December 16, 2009 Best advice of the thread!"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wolfriverjoe 1,523 #53 December 16, 2009 Quote Best advice of the thread! Yep. Especially the part about the communication being harder later. Been there"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy "~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #54 December 16, 2009 Quote Quote Best advice of the thread! Yep. Especially the part about the communication being harder later. Been there Yep, me too, but with an ex-fiance'. Thank God my wife must have open communication. She has really opened my eyes and made me a better person for it."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #55 December 16, 2009 If the situation was reversed and you were the husband not going to your wife after not seeing her for 3 months then this thread would turn out much differently. We would see advice like "quit being so fucking selfish and go see your wife." Instead we have advice like "man-up and quit whining." There are two sides to the story so I can only comment on your side but if I were in your shoes I'd feel like something isn't right with my marriage if my wife wasn't interested in driving a bit out of her way to see me for at least a day or two.www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #56 December 16, 2009 It looks like you're just looking at right now...When is she going to see her family again? If it's going to be a long time and she's going to be spending the foreseeable future with you, I don't blame her for wanting to spend a few extra days with her family. However, if the two of you are going to be separated again after the holidays, you should have priority and have a right to be pissed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #57 December 16, 2009 Quote Quote Best advice of the thread! Yep. Especially the part about the communication being harder later. Been there sometimes, even that isnt enough.. been there! “Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #58 December 16, 2009 Are you guys Officers? If so .... Jeeeeez (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Harmless 0 #59 December 16, 2009 Quote Are you guys Officers? If so .... Jeeeeez I wasn't gonna say it first, but my thoughts were Officers... wtf "Damn you Gravity, you win again" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #60 December 16, 2009 Not Me ... I used to work for a living (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #61 December 16, 2009 Quote Not Me ... I used to work for a living Me either.. and that consisted of taking the city boy officers camping.Hey I was having fun.. even if they weren't Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stewie 0 #62 December 17, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsM"Fuck that. I'll take a good ass-pounding over a bj any day." -- pyrotech Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #63 December 17, 2009 Quotehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsMTPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
georgerussia 0 #64 December 17, 2009 Quote I basically need a second opinion on whether I should drop it cause I'm being a douche, or pursue it farther. You're trying too hard. It is like tug-of-war - the harder you pull, the more pressure she puts. But if you suddenly drop it, and be the first to recover, you'd win :) Find yourself something to do, and next time she calls tell her something like "of course, stay there honey, no problem I understand it's boring for you here so I've made some plans, as you're not coming the next few days anyway, right?" I wouldn't be surprised if she books the first flight back. And if she doesn't, well, you know how much your marriage worth.* Don't pray for me if you wanna help - just send me a check. * Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #65 December 17, 2009 OP, you and your wife are the ones who have to learn how to talk to one another for you to have a healthy LONG relationship.TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usedtajump 1 #66 December 17, 2009 Quote That's Kentucky. You got that right!!! Never seen so many toothless people, male and female, in my long, sweet life as I've seen in this county in four years of living here. There needs to be a "toothless only" section in the restaurants around here.The older I get the less I care who I piss off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #67 December 17, 2009 Quote get a hooker It worked for tiger.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #68 December 17, 2009 Quote OP, you and your wife are the ones who have to learn how to talk to one another for you to have a healthy LONG relationship. 1) She can't talk with her mouth full - hence she should go see him. 2) The boy has had beer, but his wife never brought it to him - hence she should be there. 3) I'm sure since she has been gone - she hasn't brought him a sammich - hence she should be there with him - Three strikes! She needs to get her ass to his side.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #69 December 17, 2009 Quote Quote OP, you and your wife are the ones who have to learn how to talk to one another for you to have a healthy LONG relationship. 1) She can't talk with her mouth full - hence she should go see him. 2) The boy has had beer, but his wife never brought it to him - hence she should be there. 3) I'm sure since she has been gone - she hasn't brought him a sammich - hence she should be there with him - Three strikes! She needs to get her ass to his side. I am sure she will do all of those after she gets back from visiting with her family....TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #70 December 17, 2009 Quote Quote Quote OP, you and your wife are the ones who have to learn how to talk to one another for you to have a healthy LONG relationship. 1) She can't talk with her mouth full - hence she should go see him. 2) The boy has had beer, but his wife never brought it to him - hence she should be there. 3) I'm sure since she has been gone - she hasn't brought him a sammich - hence she should be there with him - Three strikes! She needs to get her ass to his side. I am sure she will do all of those after she gets back from visiting with her family.... By then there will be no need - Tigers hooker will have taken care of it for her. She obviously doesn't want the job anymore anyway.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #71 December 17, 2009 So, here is my first drunken rant. *** As far as advise regarding your rant: ~If she doesn't reach over and unlock your door for you, then she's a selfish broad who can't be trusted and you need to dump her right there. -Sonny ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #72 December 17, 2009 Yep, me too, but with an ex-fiance'. Thank God my wife must have open communication. She has really opened my eyes and made me a better person for it. *** News flash there Beethoven, don't you actually HAVE to have yer eyes open to communicate! Not fer nuthin' ya lucky bastage...but what's it like bein' able to just close yer eyes and that shuts the wife up?! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #73 December 17, 2009 Quote Yep, me too, but with an ex-fiance'. Thank God my wife must have open communication. She has really opened my eyes and made me a better person for it. *** News flash there Beethoven, don't you actually HAVE to have yer eyes open to communicate! Not fer nuthin' ya lucky bastage...but what's it like bein' able to just close yer eyes and that shuts the wife up?! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
