JohnMitchell 16 #1 December 21, 2009 What do you say, ladies? I always hear that I spoil Vskydiver, but I feel pretty spoiled in return. I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. Is that still stuff guys should do, or is chivalry dead, thank goodness? Does it really work for us guys? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Conundrum 1 #2 December 21, 2009 QuoteI expect him to open my doors, but it won't get him anywhere. I have arms and am capable of opening my own doors, BUT it's certainly appreciated when someone else does it. If he doesn't, though, I don't look at him any differently. QuoteHe better pay for dinner and a movie, but don't expect anything. This one's just ridiculous. Again, appreciated when it happens, but certainly not a requirement. Neither party should pay for everything all the time. Any woman who thinks that's the way it should be is mental and probably has the "your money is our money and my money is my money" attitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites npgraphicdesign 3 #3 December 21, 2009 Quote What do you say, ladies? I always hear that I spoil Vskydiver, but I feel pretty spoiled in return. I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. Is that still stuff guys should do, or is chivalry dead, thank goodness? Does it really work for us guys? I don't think it's a matter of 'does it work for us guys.' It's a matter of being brought up that way, and that's how my family raised me in Russia. So, I do it regardless. So no, chivalry is not dead. But some people are slowly killing it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites npgraphicdesign 3 #4 December 21, 2009 Quote Any woman who thinks that's the way it should be is mental and probably has the "your money is our money and my money is my money" attitude. Did you just describe my last g/f or what? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites NWFlyer 2 #5 December 21, 2009 Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JerryBaumchen 1,468 #6 December 21, 2009 Hi John, QuoteI was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. I wasn't raised that way but it is something that I do without being asked. QuoteIs that still stuff guys should do IMO, yes. However, I have known some women that really do not like it when I offer. A few to the point of actually getting mad at me. Quoteis chivalry dead I hope not. QuoteDoes it really 'work' for us guys? That is not why I do it. I do think that I am quite old fashioned, though. JerryBaumchen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JohnMitchell 16 #7 December 21, 2009 Quote However, I have known some women that really do not like it when I offer. A few to the point of actually getting mad at me. I've heard of that. I also hear guys say it's too much work, but, hey, what could be better than making them feel special? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites cocheese 0 #8 December 21, 2009 I used to be such a sweet sweet thing til they got a hold of me....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZnhuOEUFXA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skyrider 0 #9 December 21, 2009 fuck yes, ...if ya expect the cunt to give you a blow job later, ya best treat her like a queen when folks are looking! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skyrider 0 #10 December 21, 2009 OOOopppss, I forgot , [/sarcasim] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites freethefly 6 #11 December 21, 2009 Quote What do you say, ladies? I always hear that I spoil Vskydiver, but I feel pretty spoiled in return. I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. Is that still stuff guys should do, or is chivalry dead, thank goodness? Does it really work for us guys? To hell with the ladies! John, I have little choice but to ask you to kindly hand over your Man Card and to relinquish your secret key to the Man Club (I have already passed you transgression on to our President, Hefner. I was informed by his little furry bunny spies that you have been a target for sometime now. Apparently, you have harbored these feeling for quite awhile. The council is deeply dismayed. John, grow a pair! Com'on son, jump on a winning team! Tag along as we march through the moist tangled valley of the more difficult gender and spike firmly into the mound our staff of dominance. However... we have seen your woman and will completely understand if you ignore our advice."...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites wolfriverjoe 1,523 #12 December 21, 2009 Quote Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. I have to agree with this. I'll hold a door for anyone, man or woman, and will say "Thank you" to anyone who does it for me. IMO, basic politeness toward everyone makes the world a bit better (at risk of going to SC, doesn't it say "Goodwill toward all mankind" somewhere?) I tend to be a little more chivalrous when I am with a woman, as opposed to toward women strangers in public. Funny but true: Satuday night I went out to a pizza place for dinner with a woman friend. Afterwards, I unlocked and opened the car door for her. She was reasonably impressed, but laughed when I explained that the drivers-side lock was unreliable in the cold, and I didn't want to have to screw around with it, so it was easier to open her side, and unlock my side with the power locks."There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy "~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites IMGR2 0 #13 December 21, 2009 The door on the Otter is pretty heavy so I open it for them....lol On a serious note, I used to be the gentleman till I was suckered in by a player. I was a perfect gentleman all the way up to the moment I found out she was also sleeping with a close friend of mine. Then my attitude went to the gutter. The woman I am with now is awesome, she takes me for what I am worth and vise versa. I really don't deserve her, she is amazing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites xtravrtsoul 0 #14 December 21, 2009 Quote Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. Amen! You create life, life does not create you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JohnMitchell 16 #15 December 21, 2009 Quote To hell with the ladies! John, I have little choice but to ask you to kindly hand over your Man Card and to relinquish your secret key to the Man Club You got it all wrong. It's about being the man and making them feel like a woman.Apparently, you have harbored these feeling for quite awhile. Why, yes, I have.The council is deeply dismayed. John, grow a pair! Com'on son, jump on a winning team! Tag along as we march through the moist tangled valley of the more difficult gender and spike firmly into the mound our staff of dominance. Sounds like a bunch of guys that sleep alone.However... we have seen your woman and will completely understand if you ignore our advice.' Hell, I got her because she thought I was a nice sweet guy. Shhh, don't tell her differently. Being polite and being a doormat are two way different things. I still let someone know what I want out of a relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites nerdgirl 0 #16 December 21, 2009 Yes. And John – I think the evidence may speak for itself. You’re successfully married to one of the most beautiful – inside and out – women around here. Quoting from the Tao of Divot: “Respect is the ‘Air’ in a relationship.” And that’s what it’s about. In both directions. /Marg Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters. Tibetan Buddhist saying Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites virgigirlie 0 #17 December 21, 2009 Quote Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. Awesome answer. I feel this way also. We can all do anything for ourselves, but it feels good to extend even a small courtesy to another (and to have that courtesy extended to you)."If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." ~Catherine Aird Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites davjohns 1 #18 December 21, 2009 I hold doors for everyone, but expecially women. I once had a woman I worked with who was a devout feminist. Apparently that meant she couldn't accept any courtesy from me. She would stop and refuse to continue if I opened a door for her. I told her the first time that she could go through or order lunch. I was going to hold the door for her. We never did quite get along after that. She never understood that my courtesy to others is not about who they are. It's about who I am.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites tigra 0 #19 December 21, 2009 Gentleman yes, doormat no. There seem to be a lot of people who really don't understand the difference. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites micduran 0 #20 December 21, 2009 Being a gentleman is always nice. Just like being a lady is nice. It is not expected, but it is appreciated and should be reciprocated. Like mutual respect. The thing that bothers me most is when a man opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc. in the beginning - setting an expectation. Then gets made into the relationship when the woman asks why he no longer does it. Again, you set the expectation. Be yourself and treat the people the way you will always treat them.Be patient with the faults of others; they have to be patient with yours. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites iluvtofly 0 #21 December 22, 2009 I used to always go out with the wrong guys. I never had anyone open doors for me or anything like that. Then one time I was simply hanging out with a guy and he would always let me walk in front, open every door (even the car), carry everything for me, and try to pay for everything. It felt nice. But at the same time I was so unused to it that it felt awkward. I complained about it a little at first. But then gave up when he kept doing it. (Mind you we were just friends hanging out, not a couple.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JohnMitchell 16 #22 December 22, 2009 See, you liked it. I think all women deserve to be treated like that by their guys. And I think he might have liked you more than he let on. But why he didn't let you know? That's a whole 'nother thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JohnMitchell 16 #23 December 22, 2009 Quote The thing that bothers me most is when a man opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc. in the beginning - setting an expectation. Then gets made into the relationship when the woman asks why he no longer does it. Yes, you shouldn't change the way you treat them just because you've "got them" now. You should want to keep that feeling alive. I see these old couples, in their 70's, maybe 80's, and the guy still dotes on his wife like she was the prom queen. That's cool. Edited to add: Since I still open V's doors, etc. she still fetches me beers and sammiches. Guys, I told you there was a pay off to all this stuff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Bolas 5 #24 December 22, 2009 Quote Yes. And John – I think the evidence may speak for itself. You’re successfully married to one of the most beautiful – inside and out – women around here. Quoting from the Tao of Divot: “Respect is the ‘Air’ in a relationship.” And that’s what it’s about. In both directions. /Marg Quoting Divot? Someone's rep is gonna change... Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites nerdgirl 0 #25 December 22, 2009 Quote Quote Yes. And John – I think the evidence may speak for itself. You’re successfully married to one of the most beautiful – inside and out – women around here. Quoting from the Tao of Divot: “Respect is the ‘Air’ in a relationship.” And that’s what it’s about. In both directions. Quoting Divot? Someone's rep is gonna change... Hey, if the material/data/ideas/concepts are good, I'm not going to discriminate against the source, which I think fits with my reputation. It's less about who wrote them than the quality of the words. Perhaps it's Divot's reputation that may need re-examining, eh? /Marg Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters. Tibetan Buddhist saying Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. 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Conundrum 1 #2 December 21, 2009 QuoteI expect him to open my doors, but it won't get him anywhere. I have arms and am capable of opening my own doors, BUT it's certainly appreciated when someone else does it. If he doesn't, though, I don't look at him any differently. QuoteHe better pay for dinner and a movie, but don't expect anything. This one's just ridiculous. Again, appreciated when it happens, but certainly not a requirement. Neither party should pay for everything all the time. Any woman who thinks that's the way it should be is mental and probably has the "your money is our money and my money is my money" attitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #3 December 21, 2009 Quote What do you say, ladies? I always hear that I spoil Vskydiver, but I feel pretty spoiled in return. I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. Is that still stuff guys should do, or is chivalry dead, thank goodness? Does it really work for us guys? I don't think it's a matter of 'does it work for us guys.' It's a matter of being brought up that way, and that's how my family raised me in Russia. So, I do it regardless. So no, chivalry is not dead. But some people are slowly killing it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #4 December 21, 2009 Quote Any woman who thinks that's the way it should be is mental and probably has the "your money is our money and my money is my money" attitude. Did you just describe my last g/f or what? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #5 December 21, 2009 Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. "There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JerryBaumchen 1,468 #6 December 21, 2009 Hi John, QuoteI was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. I wasn't raised that way but it is something that I do without being asked. QuoteIs that still stuff guys should do IMO, yes. However, I have known some women that really do not like it when I offer. A few to the point of actually getting mad at me. Quoteis chivalry dead I hope not. QuoteDoes it really 'work' for us guys? That is not why I do it. I do think that I am quite old fashioned, though. JerryBaumchen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #7 December 21, 2009 Quote However, I have known some women that really do not like it when I offer. A few to the point of actually getting mad at me. I've heard of that. I also hear guys say it's too much work, but, hey, what could be better than making them feel special? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #8 December 21, 2009 I used to be such a sweet sweet thing til they got a hold of me....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZnhuOEUFXA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyrider 0 #9 December 21, 2009 fuck yes, ...if ya expect the cunt to give you a blow job later, ya best treat her like a queen when folks are looking! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyrider 0 #10 December 21, 2009 OOOopppss, I forgot , [/sarcasim] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freethefly 6 #11 December 21, 2009 Quote What do you say, ladies? I always hear that I spoil Vskydiver, but I feel pretty spoiled in return. I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. Is that still stuff guys should do, or is chivalry dead, thank goodness? Does it really work for us guys? To hell with the ladies! John, I have little choice but to ask you to kindly hand over your Man Card and to relinquish your secret key to the Man Club (I have already passed you transgression on to our President, Hefner. I was informed by his little furry bunny spies that you have been a target for sometime now. Apparently, you have harbored these feeling for quite awhile. The council is deeply dismayed. John, grow a pair! Com'on son, jump on a winning team! Tag along as we march through the moist tangled valley of the more difficult gender and spike firmly into the mound our staff of dominance. However... we have seen your woman and will completely understand if you ignore our advice."...And once you're gone, you can't come back When you're out of the blue and into the black." Neil Young Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wolfriverjoe 1,523 #12 December 21, 2009 Quote Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. I have to agree with this. I'll hold a door for anyone, man or woman, and will say "Thank you" to anyone who does it for me. IMO, basic politeness toward everyone makes the world a bit better (at risk of going to SC, doesn't it say "Goodwill toward all mankind" somewhere?) I tend to be a little more chivalrous when I am with a woman, as opposed to toward women strangers in public. Funny but true: Satuday night I went out to a pizza place for dinner with a woman friend. Afterwards, I unlocked and opened the car door for her. She was reasonably impressed, but laughed when I explained that the drivers-side lock was unreliable in the cold, and I didn't want to have to screw around with it, so it was easier to open her side, and unlock my side with the power locks."There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy "~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IMGR2 0 #13 December 21, 2009 The door on the Otter is pretty heavy so I open it for them....lol On a serious note, I used to be the gentleman till I was suckered in by a player. I was a perfect gentleman all the way up to the moment I found out she was also sleeping with a close friend of mine. Then my attitude went to the gutter. The woman I am with now is awesome, she takes me for what I am worth and vise versa. I really don't deserve her, she is amazing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xtravrtsoul 0 #14 December 21, 2009 Quote Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. Amen! You create life, life does not create you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #15 December 21, 2009 Quote To hell with the ladies! John, I have little choice but to ask you to kindly hand over your Man Card and to relinquish your secret key to the Man Club You got it all wrong. It's about being the man and making them feel like a woman.Apparently, you have harbored these feeling for quite awhile. Why, yes, I have.The council is deeply dismayed. John, grow a pair! Com'on son, jump on a winning team! Tag along as we march through the moist tangled valley of the more difficult gender and spike firmly into the mound our staff of dominance. Sounds like a bunch of guys that sleep alone.However... we have seen your woman and will completely understand if you ignore our advice.' Hell, I got her because she thought I was a nice sweet guy. Shhh, don't tell her differently. Being polite and being a doormat are two way different things. I still let someone know what I want out of a relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nerdgirl 0 #16 December 21, 2009 Yes. And John – I think the evidence may speak for itself. You’re successfully married to one of the most beautiful – inside and out – women around here. Quoting from the Tao of Divot: “Respect is the ‘Air’ in a relationship.” And that’s what it’s about. In both directions. /Marg Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters. Tibetan Buddhist saying Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgigirlie 0 #17 December 21, 2009 Quote Quote I was raised to open doors, fetch drinks, give up bus seats, etc. But see, so was I. I consider a lot of that to be basic politeness. Then again, if you're only doing those things for women, I guess it's chivalry. I'll hold doors for people, ask if anyone needs a drink when I'm going to get one (or at any point if they are a guest in my home). As for giving up bus seats - I'll do it for someone who seems to need the seat more than me - someone who is disabled, or schlepping a kid and/or a lot of stuff around, etc. Gender's not the determining factor there. I'll hold doors for people (I consider letting them close behind me when someone's just behind me to be rude), and if their hands are full, I'll make an effort to get ahead of someone to help them with a door. What I want most from men is to be treated like a human being, not an "other." I'd like to be respected for who I am, and allowed to be who I am, not told that I need to conform to some predetermined standard of "what a woman should be." Flip side is that I'll try to respect men for who they are as well. Kinda boring and it probably won't sell any self-help books or magazine articles, but I've found that treating people as individuals, regardless of gender, has worked pretty well for me so far. Awesome answer. I feel this way also. We can all do anything for ourselves, but it feels good to extend even a small courtesy to another (and to have that courtesy extended to you)."If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." ~Catherine Aird Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #18 December 21, 2009 I hold doors for everyone, but expecially women. I once had a woman I worked with who was a devout feminist. Apparently that meant she couldn't accept any courtesy from me. She would stop and refuse to continue if I opened a door for her. I told her the first time that she could go through or order lunch. I was going to hold the door for her. We never did quite get along after that. She never understood that my courtesy to others is not about who they are. It's about who I am.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #19 December 21, 2009 Gentleman yes, doormat no. There seem to be a lot of people who really don't understand the difference. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
micduran 0 #20 December 21, 2009 Being a gentleman is always nice. Just like being a lady is nice. It is not expected, but it is appreciated and should be reciprocated. Like mutual respect. The thing that bothers me most is when a man opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc. in the beginning - setting an expectation. Then gets made into the relationship when the woman asks why he no longer does it. Again, you set the expectation. Be yourself and treat the people the way you will always treat them.Be patient with the faults of others; they have to be patient with yours. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #21 December 22, 2009 I used to always go out with the wrong guys. I never had anyone open doors for me or anything like that. Then one time I was simply hanging out with a guy and he would always let me walk in front, open every door (even the car), carry everything for me, and try to pay for everything. It felt nice. But at the same time I was so unused to it that it felt awkward. I complained about it a little at first. But then gave up when he kept doing it. (Mind you we were just friends hanging out, not a couple.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #22 December 22, 2009 See, you liked it. I think all women deserve to be treated like that by their guys. And I think he might have liked you more than he let on. But why he didn't let you know? That's a whole 'nother thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #23 December 22, 2009 Quote The thing that bothers me most is when a man opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc. in the beginning - setting an expectation. Then gets made into the relationship when the woman asks why he no longer does it. Yes, you shouldn't change the way you treat them just because you've "got them" now. You should want to keep that feeling alive. I see these old couples, in their 70's, maybe 80's, and the guy still dotes on his wife like she was the prom queen. That's cool. Edited to add: Since I still open V's doors, etc. she still fetches me beers and sammiches. Guys, I told you there was a pay off to all this stuff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #24 December 22, 2009 Quote Yes. And John – I think the evidence may speak for itself. You’re successfully married to one of the most beautiful – inside and out – women around here. Quoting from the Tao of Divot: “Respect is the ‘Air’ in a relationship.” And that’s what it’s about. In both directions. /Marg Quoting Divot? Someone's rep is gonna change... Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nerdgirl 0 #25 December 22, 2009 Quote Quote Yes. And John – I think the evidence may speak for itself. You’re successfully married to one of the most beautiful – inside and out – women around here. Quoting from the Tao of Divot: “Respect is the ‘Air’ in a relationship.” And that’s what it’s about. In both directions. Quoting Divot? Someone's rep is gonna change... Hey, if the material/data/ideas/concepts are good, I'm not going to discriminate against the source, which I think fits with my reputation. It's less about who wrote them than the quality of the words. Perhaps it's Divot's reputation that may need re-examining, eh? /Marg Act as if everything you do matters, while laughing at yourself for thinking anything you do matters. Tibetan Buddhist saying Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
