How to stop alien abductions & mind control

[SpeedRacer 1]

Everything you need right here:
http://www.stopabductions.com/

Tell all your friends!

Speed Racer
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[amstalder 0]

OOO. I think Im going to go make one!

[Andy9o8 2]

I have to laugh. This dumbass takes 4 hours to construct one helmet. I can bang out a damn good foil hat in about a minute. Works just as well, too (better, in some regards).

[kallend 2,146]

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I have to laugh. This dumbass takes 4 hours to construct one helmet. I can bang out a damn good foil hat in about a minute. Works just as well, too (better, in some regards).

zapatopi.net/afdb/

But how do you know it works as well? Did you do a double-blind trial?

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[skybill 22]

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I have to laugh. This dumbass takes 4 hours to construct one helmet. I can bang out a damn good foil hat in about a minute. Works just as well, too (better, in some regards).

Hi Andy,
Yup, tin foil also renolds wrap!! When I worked at Weber Aircraft in Birdbank CA, I saw this one dude leaving the plant surenuff' sportin' one of those air-cooled mail man's hats covered in you guessed it "Renolds wrap!!" My bud Burroughs who did our QC said,"That's Otto, he says it keeps the "Rays" off him!!" They're everywhere but there's a special breed in the San Fernando Valley!!

SCR-2034, SCS-680

III%,
Deli-out

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

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I have to laugh. This dumbass takes 4 hours to construct one helmet. I can bang out a damn good foil hat in about a minute. Works just as well, too (better, in some regards).

Am I the only one who noticed that they don't claim a 100% success rate?

They admit to having 4 failures, but provide reasonable excuses why they happened

Don't use velcro to secure the helmet, it makes it too easy for the aliens to take it off and re-establish mind control.
Even the tin-hatters know don't like velcro

Edit to add:

Quade, look at the bottom of the "Where to obtain materials" page. He doesn't sell anything.

"Michael Menkin, the inventor, can help you find sources for materials although he can't give you specific recommendations because the website is a public service and instructional. There is nothing for sale on the website. The inventor has no financial connection with any of the sources provided on the website."

Direct copy and paste. He's not making money. He's protecting us from the aliens

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[Herky 0]

My favorite line was this, "Note final layer of tape on helmet. Your helmet or whatever hat you use for a 'thought screen' should be well taped, as you will sleep in it and wear it as often as possible."

Although it makes logical sense, most abductions occur when you are asleep, then your jerk friends just claim you were dreaming. Luckily if "Signs" taught us anything, all you need to do is carry a squirt gun with you at all time.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

I thought the line "They are good at manipulating your spouse to have a conflict with you about wearing the helmet. " was very clever.

If your family doesn't like you wearing the helmet, it's because the aliens are trying to get you.

This is one of the funnier sites I've seen in a while.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[skybill 22]

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I thought the line "They are good at manipulating your spouse to have a conflict with you about wearing the helmet. " was very clever.

If your family doesn't like you wearing the helmet, it's because the aliens are trying to get you.

This is one of the funnier sites I've seen in a while.

Hi Joe,
It's not just the tin foil hats!! I remember driving up the PCH from Huntington Beach to Douglas Aircraft and regularly I'd see this guy drivin' along and he had on his head this pyramid shaped "device" made out of what looked like coat hanger wire!! Then I saw them on display at Mom's Market in Costa Mesa!! The pyramid shape is supposed draw the powers of the cosmos to its core which while you are wearing it is the middle of your head!!!! Tinfoil hats, pyramids, they're everywhere!!

SCR-2034, SCS-680

III%,
Deli-out

[SpeedRacer 1]

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The pyramid shape is supposed draw the powers of the cosmos to its core which while you are wearing it is the middle of your head!!!!

Couldn't that actually AMPLIFY the aliens' mind-control rays???

Speed Racer
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[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

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The pyramid shape is supposed draw the powers of the cosmos to its core which while you are wearing it is the middle of your head!!!!

Couldn't that actually AMPLIFY the aliens' mind-control rays???

No.

The pyramid is a good shape.

It only amplifies positive waves.

That's the thing about this level of "science". It differentiates between good and bad.

Of course, if the alien mind control is good for them, then how the pyramid decides which good takes precedence is beyond my understanding of these things.

But hey, it's all scientifically proven, just read the testimonials on the websites

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[SpeedRacer 1]

They need to make an Underpants model to stop all that "probing."

Speed Racer
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[Andy9o8 2]

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They need to make an Underpants model to stop all that "probing."

Actually, they do.

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

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They need to make an Underpants model to stop all that "probing."

Actually, they do.

Somehow I doubt that is made with "Velostat".

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[skydiver30960 0]

DUDE! He's not wearing one of the hats in the pictures of him making the hats!

He's a wildman! Talk about living on the edge!

Elvisio "no tinfoil for me" Rodriguez

[tbrown 26]

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I have to laugh. This dumbass takes 4 hours to construct one helmet. I can bang out a damn good foil hat in about a minute. Works just as well, too (better, in some regards).

Can you make one with a little spinning propellor ? It would help 98% of the people wearing the hats to escape from the aliens who are trying to rip the helmet off - just run to the edge of the nearest cliff, tall building, bridge, etc. and leap !

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[riddler 0]

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Two of those failures were encounters with alien-human hybrids.

Will you people please stop fucking the aliens??? I know it's you filthy-minded skydivers that are creating these "alien-human" hybrids with your perverse sexual antics.

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[Andy9o8 2]

>>tbrown: Can you make one with a little spinning propellor ?

Yes, but I outsource that work.

>>riddler: Will you people please stop fucking the aliens???

We'll stop fucking them when they stop fucking with us.

[DavidB 0]

So, aliens can travel here yet they can't undo a buckle?

When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

[riddler 0]

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We'll stop fucking them when they stop fucking with us.

If they can control your mind, they sure as heck can give you a decent "beer-google". Then you wake up next to a lizard, or some purple sludge with a brain.

Speaking of sleeping with lizards, is anyone else annoyed that "V" has taken a hiatus until the Olympics is over?

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD