Gato 0 #1 February 3, 2010 Hello, my skydiving peeps.... It's been awhile since I've come to these sacred (*COUGH*) forums, so I'll ask you all to forgive my absence. If it's not out of line, I could use some good vibes. Last Wednesday, my wife decided (for the second time after saying it on Dec. 10th, going back on her decision on Dec. 21, and us "working" on it since then) that she wants out of our marriage. I won't go into much detail about the reasons why, because they sort-of don't matter anymore - I will say that there was no infidelity, though, and that it was mostly 13 years of built-up mutual resentment. On both our parts. Also, skydiving had very little, if anything, to do with it, for those of you who might say it's Altitude Induced Divorce Syndrome. Thankfully, we don't have any kids, and the only asset we have is a house with not much equity, so this will likely be a lot less messy than a lot of divorces. She doesn't want to drag it out, nor does she want to bleed me dry, or anything, and I'm not really vindictive at all. One good thing, on the same day: That afternoon, the company I'd been temping for since August formally offered me a position for more money than I'd anticipated. It's a position that will kick my ass with long hours, but I'll be traveling all over the world. Plus it will act as a stepping stone to bigger and better things - and maybe, just maybe....a second rig??? So I guess you can say that one door closes, and another one opens. How often do you suppose that shit happens on the same day? Thanks for reading this crap. I think I just wanted to get some things off my chest, and this community of people has been so good to me in the past. So I don't end on a sour note, here are two photos from the pieing I received last fall after my 100th - 14 people, 2 pies each. Nasty wonderful people.T.I.N.S. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #2 February 3, 2010 Good luck guy! I'm sorry to hear of your trouble, I hope you land on your feet, I'm sure you will!--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,587 #3 February 3, 2010 QuoteThankfully, we don't have any kids, and the only asset we have is a house with not much equity, so this will likely be a lot less messy than a lot of divorces. She doesn't want to drag it out, nor does she want to bleed me dry, or anything, and I'm not really vindictive at all.Regardless of how nice you both are about it, divorce sucks. But if you're nice, it sucks a lot less. Take care. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SARLDO 0 #4 February 3, 2010 QuoteQuoteThankfully, we don't have any kids, and the only asset we have is a house with not much equity, so this will likely be a lot less messy than a lot of divorces. She doesn't want to drag it out, nor does she want to bleed me dry, or anything, and I'm not really vindictive at all.Regardless of how nice you both are about it, divorce sucks. But if you're nice, it sucks a lot less. Take care. Wendy P. Very true. I'll tell you from experience of having ended an 18 year marriage, it sucks. However, now married again and happier than I have ever been in my life, you nailed it. One door closes, another opens. Good luck."Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest" ~Samuel Clemens MB#4300 Dudeist Skydiver #68 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #5 February 3, 2010 Get a Facebook page set up. Regularly (at least each month) post pics of you having good times. Only smiling pics. (This will make more sense later) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fossg 0 #6 February 3, 2010 I wish you the very best of luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeded 0 #7 February 3, 2010 good luck, its survivable.------------------------------------------ The Dude Abides. - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #8 February 3, 2010 Wishing you the best of luck in the shittest of situations! Bry-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gato 0 #9 February 3, 2010 Thanks, everybody - I really appreciate the support. I know this won't be easy, nor will it be fun. It absolutely sucks to be losing my companion. The Facebook thing......already on it since December. Come be my phucking friend!!!! --> Christophor V Hill. Phuck it. (Would it be out of line to say that I'm especially open to befriending a whole bunch of lady skydivers?) T.I.N.S. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davelepka 4 #10 February 3, 2010 QuoteShe doesn't want to drag it out, nor does she want to bleed me dry, or anything, and I'm not really vindictive at all All of that can change very quickly. Try and make it official before she has a chance to change her mind. Quotethe company I'd been temping for since August formally offered me a position for more money than I'd anticipated. This is why you need to knock out the paperwork ASAP, as in before you get the raise. Aside from the formalities, it may feel like the end of the world some times, but it's really just the beginning of a new world. A world where you keep all the money you make, come and go as you please, and are free to spend as much time as you want with much, much younger women. Enjoy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #11 February 3, 2010 Quote and are free to spend as much time as you want with much, much younger women. Enjoy. A 35 year old friend of mine just got divorced and is dating a "hot" woman in her 20's. He told me the sex is great, but he's really missing the intelligent conversations he used to have with his ex-wife. Younger isn't always better. To the OP- I agree with Wendy that you need to remember to be nice to each other. Don't fight over stuff, it's just stuff and it can all be replaced. Hopefully you'll be honest with yourself about the things you could have changed to make your marriage work and take those lessons into your next relationships. Good luck!She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davelepka 4 #12 February 3, 2010 QuoteA 35 year old friend of mine just got divorced and is dating a "hot" woman in her 20's. He told me the sex is great, but he's really missing the intelligent conversations he used to have with his ex-wife. There's also a chance he just misses any conversation with the woman he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with. This hot 20-something might be perfectly intelligent, but if she's into Kant, and your buddy and his ex dug Plato, the younger woman will always be fighting an uphill battle. Back to reality, it's just a bright spot in the horizon for a guy who might be in a dark place right now. Hopefully he'll meet a nice person who he connects with both physically and mentally, but until then he should enjoy his time with younger ladies, most likely drunk and exhibiting poor judgement. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #13 February 3, 2010 Wow...it's really going around isn't it? I'll sign my papers this Thursday to make it official. I'm not looking forward to single life. But hey we live right?Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #14 February 3, 2010 I made my first skydive on the first anniversary of my divorce, so I've been through it pretty recently. Getting divorced sucks, you've gotten good advice, finalize that thing while you are both in a non-vindictive, non-fighting mood. Be thankful you don't have kids. Getting divorced sucks, but being divorced is great! It can take a while to get there, though. Take care of yourself."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #15 February 3, 2010 13 years of built up resentment? Sounds like you made it further then you should have. Its a tough thing to go through but if you and the Mrs. didnt have the communication to bring up some of those issues and work through them then the "D" word is the only outcome. Living with someone, everyday, who has even a slight bit of resentment towards you(or you towards her) has got to wear you out. In a two years, If I were to ask, I think you'd say that "Yes, There were ALOT of good times but how could we have missed all the stuff that was wrong with the relationship?" Splitting from a long term relationship is never easy but if she wants out there is no saving it. You've tried. Now try to walk away with your dignity in tact and find a way to live a new life. Sounds like you'll be busy.My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #16 February 3, 2010 Quote Splitting from a long term relationship is never easy but if she wants out there is no saving it. You've tried. Now try to walk away with your dignity in tact and find a way to live a new life. Very well put! Best of luck Gato. stay frosty...like they say ~may you never live in boring times! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gato 0 #17 February 4, 2010 Quote A 35 year old friend of mine just got divorced and is dating a "hot" woman in her 20's. He told me the sex is great, but he's really missing the intelligent conversations he used to have with his ex-wife. Younger isn't always better. To the OP- I agree with Wendy that you need to remember to be nice to each other. Don't fight over stuff, it's just stuff and it can all be replaced. Hopefully you'll be honest with yourself about the things you could have changed to make your marriage work and take those lessons into your next relationships. Good luck! Thanks for this, Skymama - I agree with you, for what it's worth. I have a hardass and completely vulgar therapist who won't let me lie to myself, and she's helped me tremendously. She's helped me realize how important being communicative (which I was, believe it or not) really can be. Without going into detail about it, 90% of our problems can be traced to being too nice, not communicating what's really bothering us - by the time this was realized, she'd already begun the process of pulling away from me emotionally, and it was too late to go back. Very sad. She left the house the day after my 100th jump (Sept. 20) - and to be frank, the pain and hurt I feel now is nothing compared to what I felt then. I don't deny it, but I'm through wallowing in self pity. I'm more pissed off than anything for having sort-of wasted all this time trying to fix something she wasn't really interested in fixing. I really appreciate everyone's encouragement and kind words - I knew I loved this site for a reason. Love you guys!T.I.N.S. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #18 February 4, 2010 I delivered my signed papers tonight. It goes around. The process has ups and down. Sadness and hope. Ugliness and beauty. Satisfaction and regret. The beauty is in what lies ahead. So long as we can work through the pain and the feeling of disappointment, we can be better people, better spouses. I've learned my lessons. I think I'm a much better person. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #19 February 4, 2010 I haven't slept in about two weeks. Last night I spent begging her via text message to give therapy a shot....an honest shot! The one and only time she went she was apartment shopping the morning of. I gave this girl the world. I fought the US state department to have her in my life. And all I asked for was a bit of respect a bit affection. And now here we are. Honestly, I'm so down so depressed right now I fear I will not be able to ride my motorcycle or finish up my skydiving education Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #20 February 4, 2010 Quote Honestly, I'm so down so depressed right now I fear I will not be able to ride my motorcycle or finish up my skydiving education Can I have your bikeYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #21 February 4, 2010 It has 26k miles on it and is worth maybe $500....Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #22 February 4, 2010 QuoteIt has 26k miles on it and is worth maybe $500....26,000 miles is nothing the last one i sold had 300,000kmsYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andrewwhyte 1 #23 February 4, 2010 Quote A 35 year old friend of mine just got divorced and is dating a "hot" woman in her 20's. He told me the sex is great, but he's really missing the intelligent conversations he used to have with his ex-wife. Younger isn't always better. Best justification for polygamy yet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #24 February 4, 2010 Quote And all I asked for was a bit of respect a bit affection. Don't confuse the two, respect is something you earn. I don't doubt that you ARE owed some respect considering the time, money and love you willingly gave...however keep in mind that deserving it is one thing & being bitter because it's not forthcoming is another. Try giving yourself a break...be secure in the knowledge that you did all YOU could to make it work but it takes two. And as for the 'affection' part, like the song says, ya can't MAKE someone love you. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #25 February 4, 2010 Hey, I'm familiar with it. Consider my situation: A divorce lawyer getting a divorce from a divorce lawyer. Imagine how badly it could have gone. How well it goes or does not is dependent upon you. No, I didn't want it and after a couple of months of personal hell I then felt ready to move forward. Allow yourself to feel the hurt. It appears she just isn't interested. Let the hurt hit, deal with it, and when you're ready you can move forward. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
