Little Johnny

[JJohnson 0]

The teacher walks into her classroom one morning, looks at the assembled smiling faces of her 2nd grade class and announces: " Class, today we are going to play the Alphabet game!"
Murmurs of excitement spread across the room, and one child asks," How do we play this game, dear teacher?" The teacher explains." Well, I the teacher shall select a letter of the alphabet and one of you, the students shall provide to me a word that begins with that letter. Pretty easy huh? Let's start at the begining, with the letter A."
Little Johnny immediatley shoots his hand up in the air shouting," ME,ME,ME,ME!" The teacher knows however that Johnny will say something dirty like Asshole, so she picks Little Cindy. Cindy stands up and says, " A, A is for apple." "Oh very good", says the teacher, " Let's continue. How about the letter B?"
Again little Johnny nearly leaps from his seat, screaming," ME,ME, Oh I gotta have B!!" But the teacher quickly has words like bitch and bastard spring to mind and decides to call on Keith. Keith stands up and says," B. B is for bicycle."
The game continues and every letter Little Johnny pratically flys out of his chair begging for a turn and each time the teacher thinks of a nasty word that Little Johnny will shout out. Finally at the letter R, all of the other students have had a turn, some of them twice and poor Little Johnny is squirming in his seat mumbling,"Please, please, please please.....R,R,R,R,R,R,R I gotts to have R." The teacher thinks for a few minutes and cannot come up with a bad R word. Relucantly she says," Okay Little Johnny, heres your chance. R"
Little Johnny stands up slowly in his moment of triumph, knowing he has the best R word in the history of R words. He eyes the class, his gaze coming to rest on the petrified teacher. "R. R is for Rats." he says slowly. Very quickly he spreads his hands out in front of him about 2 feet apart and shouts," RATS, BIG FUCKING RATS WITH DICKS THIS BIG!!!!"

I love that joke,
JJ

JJ

"Call me Darth Balls"

[hobbes4star 0]

bwaahhhhh

if fun were easy it wouldn't be worth having, right?

[pop 0]

One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle?

Wait until Christmas!" Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again.

The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo. Ask me again some other time."

Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.

The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.

Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were 'pulling out,' and mommy said that 'you should wait because she was coming, too....'

"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna stuck with your $80,000 mortgage!"

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[JJohnson 0]

I always evision Little ohnny looking like Calvin. It seems to fit.

JJ

JJ

"Call me Darth Balls"

[Jimbo 0]

Quote

The game continues and every letter Little Johnny pratically flys out of his chair begging for a turn and each time the teacher thinks of a nasty word that Little Johnny will shout out. Finally at the letter R, all of the other students have had a turn, some of them twice and poor Little Johnny is squirming in his seat mumbling,"Please, please, please please.....R,R,R,R,R,R,R I gotts to have R." The teacher thinks for a few minutes and cannot come up with a bad R word. Relucantly she says," Okay Little Johnny, heres your chance. R"
Little Johnny stands up slowly in his moment of triumph, knowing he has the best R word in the history of R words. He eyes the class, his gaze coming to rest on the petrified teacher. "R. R is for Rats." he says slowly. Very quickly he spreads his hands out in front of him about 2 feet apart and shouts," RATS, BIG FUCKING RATS WITH DICKS THIS BIG!!!!"

"Please please please please....U,U,U,U,U I gotta to have U" The teacher thinks for a few minutes and cannot come up with a bad U word. Reluctantly she say, "Okay Little Johnny, here's your chance. U." Little Johnny stands up slowly in his moment of triumph, knowing he has the best U word in the history of U words. He eyes the class, his gaze coming to rest on the petrified teacher. "U. U is for Urinate. But if you had bigger tits you'd be a 10!"

That's the way I heard it.

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[Remster 30]

I like the way you think.....

Remster

[CrazyThomas 0]

Little Johnny jokes are always funny. Had to bump this up again.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came....

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period," reported Johnny.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself!"


Thomas

[turtlespeed 226]

Nice!!!

Off the topic.

Guy walking with his girlfriend over a bridge.
They were arguing about his infadelity.
She says that it's ok as long as it never happens again.

He says, thanks, and that she's a good sport about the whole thing.

She stops and looks at him and says that she loves him.

And . . .

I'm pregnant . . .

And . . .

I'm not having an abortion.


he nods. . .

And . . .

If you don't marry me, I'll jump off this bridge RIGHT NOW!



He says Damn, you ARE good sport.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Jonno5 0]

So they continue with the alphabet and reach "W", once again Jonny has his hand up.Teacher having nobody else to turn to finally asks Jonny what his word is. "Womb" he replies with a straight face."Very good" she says...."like your mothers Womb". "Naaaa" says
Jonny "like two elephants fucking...whooomb whooomb!!!!!"

[CrazyThomas 0]

more little johnny jokes:

One day little Johnny goes camping with his grandpa. While they are fishing his grandpa starts drinking beer. Little Johnny ask whats that?
Grandpa replies “beer”
Johnny - can i have some?
Grandpa - does your dick touch your ass hole ?
Johnny – no
Grandpa - then theres your answer
Later that day they are hunting and grandpa starts drinking whiskey
Johnny - whats that?
Grandpa – whiskey
Johnny - can i have some?
Grandpa - does your dick touch your ass hole?
Johnny – no
Grandpa - then theres your answer
Later that night Johnny has cookies his mom gave him
Grandpa - whats that?
Johnny – cookies
Grandpa - can i have some?
Johnny - does your dick touch your ass hole?
Grandpa – yes
Johnny - then go fuck yourself because mommy gave these to me

and then.....

One day little Johny came home from school. He walked in and heard all this comotion from his aprents room...So he walks upstairs and opens the door. There are mom and dad poundin away, johnny says, "Daddy, what are you doing?", Dad says " I'am playing poker, and moms my wild card," Johnny says "ok". SO, he walks down the hallway a little further and comes by his brothers room. He opens the door and there are brother and girlfriend going at it, poundin away. Johnny says "Brother..what are you doing?," Brother says "Ah...Im like dad im playing Poker, and shes my wild card," Johnny says "OK" and walks out again, and goes to his room. Later on, When mom and dad were gone, Dad went walking past Johnny's room, and there is all this poundin going on...So Dad walks in and see's Johnny sitting there wackin off...Dad says "JOHNNY WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOIN?" Johnny says, "I'm playing Poker like you and brother, but with a hand like this, you dont need a wild card!"


Thomas

[CrazyThomas 0]

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!

another

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt nauseous.
"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"

She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."

So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.

"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom.

Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."


Thomas

[BillyVance 35]

Just because I didn't feel like starting a new thread....

Johnny's Little Sister:

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother,

'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the play ground!'

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was it?'
Sally replied, 'No...salty... '
Mom Fainted

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[JohnDeere 0]

Quote

Just because I didn't feel like starting a new thread....

Johnny's Little Sister:

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother,

'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the play ground!'

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small, was it?'
Sally replied, 'No...salty... '
Mom Fainted

You being a dad with 2 (?) daughters..... and me a dad with with 3 daughters.....thats not funny at all....

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!

[The_Don 0]

Face it & embrace it.

The day will come & you will hate it, but think about it ,you screwed some ones daughter.

Just sayin...


EDA. You too Billy.

I am NOT being loud.
I'm being enthusiastic!

[BillyVance 35]

Quote

Face it & embrace it.

The day will come & you will hate it, but think about it ,you screwed some ones daughter.

Just sayin...


EDA. You too Billy.

Yeah, I did.... but she was 29 at the time (my to-be-wife).

Might as well get some laughs now. It won't be funny later.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[JohnDeere 0]

Quote

Quote

Face it & embrace it.

The day will come & you will hate it, but think about it ,you screwed some ones daughter.

Just sayin...


EDA. You too Billy.

Yeah, I did.... but she was 29 at the time (my to-be-wife).

Might as well get some laughs now. It won't be funny later.

+1 she was 30..... Not in her teens.....I feel sorry for the fucker the gets close to any of my daughters...... I just hope to not be in jail within the next 10 years......

Nothing opens like a Deere!

You ignorant fool! Checks are for workers!