Should my family and I move in with my mom to help her and let us save(serious)

[SivaGanesha 2]

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HUH????????????????????????

I thought I was being pretty clear but perhaps I need to explain further.

Basically I agree with you that part of the "circle of life" is being supportive of one's parents later in life because they were supportive in childhood. However I feel that that should extend to both parents--the mother and the father--as they get older, although I fully recognize that divorce can make things tricky.

Now what is being proposed in this thread is essentially a lot of great warm fuzzy feelings extended towards the mother--but the father is being completely cut out of the picture even though he, too, is presumably aging and will eventually need some support. Based on what I've heard--and given that we were all asked our opinions (which otherwise I'd keep to myself)--I'm not really comfortable with that.

The father's only failing mentioned in this thread was marital infidelity. So my question is--did he support, or help support, his son financially? Was he actively involved in his son's life? If the answer to those questions is 'no'--if he was an absentee, deadbeat, dad--then I could see the decision to cut him out of the picture now. But OTOH if the father supported the son then--even if he made mistakes in his treatment of the mother--I'm not really comfortable with the decision to push him aside.

I believe in karma and I would also note that Anvilbrother is now himself a father. What goes around comes around. Treating his father with respect now will help ensure that he, himself, is treated with respect as a father later in life.

I think Anvilbrother is doing all the right things when it comes to the financial planning and the building permits and so on. But I also think--with all due respect--that he is trying to keep himself busy with these practical matters to avoid addressing some deeper issues.

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[BillyVance 35]

What Anvil does as far as his father is concerned is his own business.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[SivaGanesha 2]

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What Anvil does as far as his father is concerned is his own business.

Well that's not a very friendly response given that our advice was sought and I've invested a little bit of time in providing it--and also I have some experience in life dealing with divorced parents which I'd hoped would be helpful. I hope that Anvil himself feels differently than you do. I hope that he appreciates the advice that he sought and was offered even though I would agree that the final decision as to what to do is up to him.

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[shropshire 0]

Sounds like a dream

But .. do you need to sell your place or could you rent it out?

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[BillyVance 35]

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What Anvil does as far as his father is concerned is his own business.

Well that's not a very friendly response given that our advice was sought and I've invested a little bit of time in providing it--and also I have some experience in life dealing with divorced parents which I'd hoped would be helpful. I hope that Anvil himself feels differently than you do. I hope that he appreciates the advice that he sought and was offered even though I would agree that the final decision as to what to do is up to him.

Anvil asked for advice on moving in with his mom, not on anything involving his dad.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[SivaGanesha 2]

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Anvil asked for advice on moving in with his mom, not on anything involving his dad.

Ultimately my advice regarding both parents is the same: make only short term decisions for now. Hold off on the long term decisions until things have had a chance to settle from the divorce a bit more.

I think shropshire offered some good advice. Rent the place out and save money that way--and let things settle from the divorce for a bit before making longer term decisions like selling.

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[Anvilbrother 0]

Yea he was there for me, but in the end the few things he did directly to me and my family made us thing the fucker was bipolar or loosing his mind. He was running around behind my back telling my friends not to talk to me or hang out with me, he told me he wanted to borrow my ATV to go riding at an off road park with his friends, then took the other woman there behind all our backs. Well just happened that one of my friends happened to be riding there that day too, and confronted him, he said pictures can be photoshoped, and threatened them not to say anything, they did the right thing and told me. We also had a dream to go in halves on a family camp on the river, we bought said camp, spent many days in the sun fixing it up, and in the whole process he was taking is mistress up there to screw her behind our backs.

He is in public service, and is a construction worker also, so he can take care of himself for all I care. In my letter to him I made it clear that we all make choices in life, his was to split up a 38 year old marriage by cheating instead of getting a divorce the right way then finding a new woman if he wanted to, and this was mine to cut all ties with him. Im sure time will heal these wounds, but for now mom is my priority behind my daughters and my wifes.

Thanks to everyone again for the support and suggestions

Postes r made from an iPad or iPhone. Spelling and gramhair mistakes guaranteed move along,

[CarrieByTheSea 0]

Listen, I am an only child and not one to share anything, much less a house, but FWIW...

I never mix business (saving money) with pleasure (helping mom).

My advice would be a way to have your cake and eat it, too: Help mom. Save money. Do not live together.

Have you considered how that might be possible?

"Nature is cruel, but we don't have to be." ~ Temple Grandin