Should my family and I move in with my mom to help her and let us save(serious)

[Anvilbrother 0]

So my mom and dad just got divorced, and my mom ended up with about 4 acres of land and a +-2200sqft home. My wife, I, and our daughter get along great with her. The thing is mom is not old, but she plans to keep the home, and 4 acres of cutting grass, cleaning up, and maintaining and older home is nothing up her alley, although up to this point she has been a trooper! At some point she is not going to be able to do all these things by herself, nor should she.

My wife and it make out pretty well so this is not something we HAVE to do, just an opportunity, and we are looking to upgrade from our second starter home in a few years. Mom has been throwing it out there that we sell our home, move in with her for a year or so while saving up, and paying off our 2 vehicles, then build a really nice home on the back of the property. This will allow us to get our dream home so to speak, I will be on the property to keep up the place and watch over her, the family will be closer, it is still within the same good school district, and in a pretty quiet area on the edge of the city limits.

The few things my wife and I are thinking is moms house will need some improvements like insulation in the attic(easy), bathrooms redone($)and other updates before we will feel comfortable adding 3 more people to the home, which these updates really needs to be done anyways. The lack of privacy might be something, we have come accustomed to walking bare assed to the laundry room to get things, etc. We dont fight, so that wont be a big privacy issue, and the bedrooms will be remote so sex noise is not one either.

My mom AND my wife are pushing this, which is about 99% odd that a mother and daughter in law get along this well. We hang out with my mom and socialize more than anyone we know

Here are a rundown of the pros and cons

PROS
Save mortgage money
Pay off our two almost new vehicles fast
Half the utility cost
Mom will love to babysit so the wife and I will have a date nite
Mom can help out with cooking meals
I can keep up the yard for her
I gain an enclosed huge shop, and 2 outside covered concreted sheds
More room for daughter to play in a country atmosphere
Still in the same school district
Can watch over mom as she gets older
We can save up and build our dream home on the back of the property putting all the money into the home without sinking money into a lot like when you usually buy a home.


CONS
Lack of privacy
Will need to commit to selling our home and be there for a year to year half while the other house is being built
Only about 10 minutes more of a drive to work
Going through the hassle of selling a home

THINGS we will have to do to make this happen
Insulate moms house
Move my dogs and cats to her yard( not in house) no problem
Paint our house fix yard landscaping etc to sell our home
Put ALOT of stuff into storage
Do the updates probbaly around 20k into moms house


Any of you been in a similar situation, or have any guidance? Would you do it?

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[dgskydive 0]

If you get along with your mom...then do it.

I would be worried about the privacy. Sounds like you have a good deal though if that is what ya want. Get to build a custom home...nice

BTW, I voted get a Van

Dom

[SivaGanesha 2]

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Mom will love to babysit so the wife and I will have a date nite

What is your plan for when Mom has a date?

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[Anvilbrother 0]

I don't see her doing any kind of dating for the 1.5 yrs we will be in the house, and once we are moved to our new house I don't mind what she does dad was an ass and she deserves better

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[wmw999 2,589]

My then-husband and I lived with my parents while our house was being built. It worked OK.

My mother watched our son until he was almost three. That was magic, and was nothing but a plus.

I'd make sure that there was some sort of retreat for each of you (your mother and you guys) and go for it. By retreat I mean a place where you can go and just have some space. And given that I grew up in a house with 5 people and one bathroom, what exactly could need remodeling?

So I vote go for it.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[jtval 0]

You keep saying you're going to be there for a year to 1.5 years.
then you say you can watch over mom while she gets older.


1.5 years isn't going to do much for her age. how long are you planning to stay?

If you're going to spend 20K on her house alone it does NOT seem like a good investment if saving money is the key here.

you're not going to save money to fix you old house and throw $20,000 into your moms house just to leave in 1.5 years.

To me it seems like you may be expecting to live there way longer then 1.5 years.



So, I would say DON'T do it.
unless she's good with you permanently moving in.

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[SivaGanesha 2]

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I don't see her doing any kind of dating for the 1.5 yrs we will be in the house, and once we are moved to our new house I don't mind what she does dad was an ass and she deserves better

I would wait and see where she is going with that area of her life before making any really strong commitments. Even if right now she doesn't think she'll ever date again, she may eventually want some companionship as she gets older--and that's the one area of her life where kids/daughter-in-law/grandkids can't help her. You haven't said how old she is but my mother remarried at age 68 so it can certainly happen at any age. And it would certainly be more difficult for her to meet anyone if there are grandkids, etc, in tow.

If she needs help around the place you can always help without moving in.

It sounds like a really good plan that you have but if it truly is as good as everyone says, it will still be a good plan in a year or so once she's had a bit more of a chance to process the divorce.

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[Anvilbrother 0]

I will be moving about 200 yards behind her house and building my own house, so while she is still alive I will be there to take care of the house, yard and her. Once she is gone the front house will be mine to rent or tear down.

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[Anvilbrother 0]

Not sure if you caught this but I will only be in the house with her for about a year and a half then build on the same property as hers but a couple hundred yards away. We are still looking into the legality of building 2 houses on 1 lot, and if you have to devide it up to make it 2 lots or what.

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[SivaGanesha 2]

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Not sure if you caught this but I will only be in the house with her for about a year and a half then build on the same property as hers but a couple hundred yards away.

Yes I did catch that. I'm sure that in practice the grandkids will still be underfoot a great deal of the time if they are living basically next door. My mother met her new husband--my stepfather--when the grandkids (my bro's kids--I don't have kids) were a couple of continents, not a couple of hundred yards, away.

But OTOH your plan may be exactly what everyone wants and needs. Your mother may be done with the marriage phase of her life and may be quite happy to spend the rest of her life being a mother and a grandmother. It just sounds to me like you are in a big hurry to make some housing decisions for everyone concerned for the rest of your lives, and I'm not sure I see the urgency. Based on what you are saying it sounds like something that can be eased into and that's what I'd recommend.

Besides--you must have some reservations about this yourself. Both your mother and your wife sound like they are 100% certain about this plan. Unless you have some reservations or concerns there would be no need to ask the question. Since you did ask the question, I assume you have some concerns.

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[bluetwo 0]

I say absolutely, go for it! It's a great opportunity to do things that will be mutually beneficial. Obviously there's no promise it will work but that's life. It'll work if you really want it to.

My grandparents on my step-moms side have 8 acres and my uncle has been living with them and building a house on their land for several years now and it works out great for everybody.

_______________________________________

[Anvilbrother 0]

Its not a done deal, that's why im getting thoughts here. My wife is getting with a financial planner this week to get their feedback, I have to get with the local planning and zoning peeps to see if it can be done, and its not 100% that we build on the property, we can just as easily buy near, but the plan to move in and pay stuff off to build a house is the main goal. Thanks everyone for the feedback so far keep it coming, my wife might come comment also.

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[NewGuy2005 53]

Go for it, but see an attorney before you do.

[BillyVance 35]

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Not sure if you caught this but I will only be in the house with her for about a year and a half then build on the same property as hers but a couple hundred yards away. We are still looking into the legality of building 2 houses on 1 lot, and if you have to divide it up to make it 2 lots or what.

I am sure that you could do that. All you need is a survey done and paperwork submitted at city/county hall. Every town/area is different though so what works for me, may not work for you. I may have missed other steps but only because I haven't done this kind of thing myself.

I have 3.2 acres and have thought about splitting a portion of it off to sell as a separate lot. It's a lot of mowing to do... but then if I sell it and the buyer builds a house, the new house will be no closer than 40 feet from mine, based on the setback rules. I like having extra elbow room.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[skymama 37]

My family and I moved in with my parents for a year about 10 years ago when we moved back to FL. The biggest con there was for me was that I went from running my own home to being the daughter again and my mom and I butted heads from two women wanting to run the household. It was never over anything major, but it was enough to make one want to clench her jaw.

For example, let's say your wife is cooking a dish that she's cooked for years, and your mom says, "you shouldn't do that like that, you should do it like this". Will that be a bother to your wife?

When I was at my son's college orientation, the housing officials mentioned that they have the students sit down together and fill out an agreement that covers the stupidest things, but in the end it saves a lot of arguments because when something comes up it can be pointed out that the other person did agree to things being a certain way. Maybe you should do something like that.

And to answer your question, I think it'd be a great idea for all parties involved as long as everyone is on the same page.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Glitch 0]

I voted to go for it.... There's nothing more important than family and I think its great that you're even considering this, versus letting your mom 'fend for herself' as she gets older. Kudo's!

The only thingy I can offer up, besides what others have mentioned, is the 'undermining of parental authority' thing that's bound to happen. I understand that Grandma has 'Grandma rights' and it's HER house, and stuff.... but I'd suggest talking through this issue with her up front and before hand. For example, when you tell your kid 'no ice cream for dessert cause you didn't eat all your veggies... G'ma can't / shouldn't invoke G'ma powers and treat them to ice cream. ...and vice versa! Maintain a united front (all 3 of ya), because eventually the kids will figure it out and start playing you folks like a fiddle if you don't!

Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born...

[skybytch 273]

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For example, when you tell your kid 'no ice cream for dessert cause you didn't eat all your veggies... G'ma can't / shouldn't invoke G'ma powers and treat them to ice cream. ...and vice versa!

An excellent point!

The cons don't seem to outweigh the pros, and none of the cons seem to be deal breakers for you. Go for it. I'll bet your kids will thank you years from now.

[SkyDekker 1,465]

The only thing I haven't seen mentioned is what your relationship with your Dad is like and how that will be affected by you moving in with mom.

[Anvilbrother 0]

Mom is on par with how we raise Lindsey she allows and disciplines just like we do. Dad is out of the picture, he cheated on her and used me numerous times as a way to be with the other woman so he is fucked in my book also...

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[skyflower_bloom 0]

Based on your detailed description, I would say go for it! Sounds like an all around positive situation, the cons and inconveniences are few and addressable. I agree with making sure that grandma knows her place in the parenting thing/discipline etc. but if that is not an issue now, then it hopefully won't become one later either..

It might help to get something either written up of informally discussed just to make sure there are some clear boundaries, but it doesn't sound like there are boundary issues to start with so shouldn't be hard- just that in any shared living situation, I think it can be useful to discuss expectations off the bat with everyone.

Best of luck, keep us posted, and blue skes!!
robyn

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

[azureriders 0]

I didn't vote as it would be self motivated for me to say go for it as I would like a chance to give you an estimate on fixing your place for sale, fixing mom's place to live in, and building the new home.

I assume Central is the city limits you fall within, if not then you will fall under East Baton Rouge parish codes as Central is the only city within the parish to have a separate permit office. Either way I am not for certain about putting two homes on one lot, although I don’t think you will have too much trouble.

Here in Livingston parish, I can put two residences on any lot as long as it is not within a restricted subdivision. I cannot put more than two without subdividing. I can also subdivide any acreage into as many as 9 lots without going through the planning commission or writing subdivision restrictions for the lots. It is simply just a matter of paying a few hundred for a surveyor to set the corners and file the plat at the clerk’s office.

As you know Livingston is much more rural than EBR and I am sure that you will have more red tape there, but I still don’t for see it being prohibiting.

If you have any trouble gathering the information, let me know and I will make some phone calls for you. I have done a lot of work in EBR and Central through the years, it is just most of it has been with in subdivisions.

[Anvilbrother 0]

That would be awesome! It's in central off denham road I'm gonna call ch2mhill today and see what's up. I will be in touch thanks:)

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[skyrider 0]

Part of being a family, is to be ther efor the people that were there for you when you were growing up...Just the circle of life!

BUT. How does "She" feel? She may love her privacy and alone time, My 82 yearold naighbor feels that way, she doesn;t want her kids moving in, she said she loves being alone since her husband died, (yet she does call me any time she needs someone!)

[SivaGanesha 2]

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Part of being a family, is to be there for the people that were there for you when you were growing up...Just the circle of life!

Was the father (despite his later infidelities with the "other woman") there for Anvilbrother when he was growing up?

"It's hard to have fun at 4-way unless your whole team gets down to the ground safely to do it again!"--Northern California Skydiving League re USPA Safety Day, March 8, 2014

[skyrider 0]

Quote

Quote

Part of being a family, is to be there for the people that were there for you when you were growing up...Just the circle of life!

Was the father (despite his later infidelities with the "other woman") there for Anvilbrother when he was growing up?

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