Girlfalldown 0 #1 July 21, 2005 From an IM with a good friend ".. women somehow seem to dig the asshole thing.. I guess that's why I'm not really getting any huh? :P damn.. train me bitch" So I thought I'd give ya'll a little insight on how to be an asshole. Please feel free to add stuff as you see fit. This isn't in any sort of order of importance. Also it's all in good fun. I know women fuck with men just as bad. 1. It's important that the first time you hook up you make her think you think she's the sexiest most interesting woman in the world. Have a magnificent night. Then don't call her for two weeks and when you do act like she's again the most interesting and wonderful woman in the world. This will confuse her into thinking you actually like her. 2. Never send her an emal or IM first. If they IM you, wait at least an hour to respond with a couple of words, only to be distant. If she emails don't respond for at least a day. 3. When you're together and you're talking with friends about stuff the two of you did always hide the fact that she was with you. Say I instead of we. Me instead of us. Make it seem like you don't want anyone to know you're with her 4. Leave the seat up. 5. After you have sex don't get a towel. Just get up and leave her there and hop in the shower. 6. Never let her spend the night but if she does, get up while she's in bed still in the morning just make coffee and breakfast for yourself and eat it while you sit on the couch watching tv. 7.if you guys plan on doing something friday night show up at her place and just go sit on the couch. when she asks if you want to go eat say you've already eaten. Then turn the tv on and start clicking chanels and ignoring her. 8. ooh and make her drive the longer distance to come see you even if it means she has to drive 2 hours. This is especially good if you happen to work right by your house and it would only take you 20 minutes to get to her place. 9. Never EVER hint on a public forum that you have a girlfriend. Especially if she's on the same forum. This could hurt your chances of hooking up with other forum members when you have to go out of town on business. 10. Shake your head and look away when she talks a lot. That way it'll look like you think she's a complete idiot. Start with that. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #2 July 21, 2005 ooh I got one!!!! When you tell her youre going to call, or go out. Dont. Wait for her to call and act like you dont know what the hell she is talking about!Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #3 July 21, 2005 Quoteooh I got one!!!! When you tell her youre going to call, or go out. Dont. Wait for her to call and act like you dont know what the hell she is talking about! That's a good one! How 'bout this one: Tell her you haven't slept with anyone but her so that she'll let you slide that condom off and get some skin on skin even though you've been whoring around town for months! -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaGimp 0 #4 July 21, 2005 your telling all my secrets......STOP IT!!!! "Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #5 July 21, 2005 Quoteyour telling all my secrets......STOP IT!!!! The world has to know! -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaGimp 0 #6 July 21, 2005 QuoteQuoteyour telling all my secrets......STOP IT!!!! The world has to know! but then how am i gona get hot women off dropzone to sleep with me????"Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #7 July 21, 2005 noice! During sex call her 3 or 4 different names, then ask. No, really what was your name again. If shes got a hot roomate, ask her for a BJ why your date is getting ready.Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skysprite 0 #8 July 21, 2005 You're gonna start a how to be a bitch thread next, right? I wanna play too! ~skysprite Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #9 July 21, 2005 QuoteYou're gonna start a how to be a bitch thread next, right? I wanna play too! No way! A guy has to start that. You really need to experience these things first hand to be able to put them on paper. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #10 July 21, 2005 Take her out to a nice restaurant, when the check comes just hand it to her and dismiss yourself to the men's room. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #11 July 21, 2005 QuoteTake her out to a nice restaurant, when the check comes just hand it to her and dismiss yourself to the men's room. Or forget your wallet like 3 times in a row! (actually that was me and it was a total accident and I felt AWFUL about it and totally made up for it) -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #12 July 21, 2005 Hey, bitch, your pie-hole is moving and there's sound coming out of it, but it isn't making any sense so I'm ignoring you. Do this phonetically, like Japanese people doing karaoke: "Doo u whant eh": 1: "Sahndwhich" 2: "Blojahb" Otherwise just shut up and avoid eye contact and clean the toilets a lot. (Wow, being invited to be an assh*le is fun!) BIOTCH! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #13 July 22, 2005 QuoteOr forget your wallet like 3 times in a row! (actually that was me and it was a total accident and I felt AWFUL about it and totally made up for it) Wow, if she's stupid enough to let you get to a 3rd time then she really deserves the all out asshole treatment. In fact you got a winner here...she's dumb enough to really fuck with. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #14 July 22, 2005 QuoteHey, bitch, your pie-hole is moving and there's sound coming out of it, but it isn't making any sense so I'm ignoring you. Do this phonetically, like Japanese people doing karaoke: "Doo u whant eh": 1: "Sahndwhich" 2: "Blojahb" Otherwise just shut up and avoid eye contact and clean the toilets a lot. (Wow, being invited to be an assh*le is fun!) BIOTCH! LMAO! Deuce you're so NOT an asshole. Good try though. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
brits17 0 #15 July 22, 2005 QuoteNo way! A guy has to start that. You really need to experience these things first hand to be able to put them on paper. Goodness! Where do you find these fuckers? ...the toilet seat, lol, thats my pet peeve. How about... get her drunk to take advantage of her for a night. Then do her friend the next day. Switch back and forth. Continue pattern for a game of sure thrill! _______________________ aerialkinetics.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaGimp 0 #16 July 22, 2005 so...shannon....im gona calll you tonight....k "Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #17 July 22, 2005 After she begs you to take her home with you.. Finally give in but tell her you are only going to let her Blow you!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #18 July 22, 2005 QuoteQuoteHey, bitch, your pie-hole is moving and there's sound coming out of it, but it isn't making any sense so I'm ignoring you. Do this phonetically, like Japanese people doing karaoke: "Doo u whant eh": 1: "Sahndwhich" 2: "Blojahb" Otherwise just shut up and avoid eye contact and clean the toilets a lot. (Wow, being invited to be an assh*le is fun!) BIOTCH! LMAO! Deuce you're so NOT an asshole. Good try though. OK that's pissing me off. I am an asshole. When I was left alone in the vonNovack house I fucked with the lasers on the sharks heads and everything. When Lewmonst let me stay over at her new digs I drooled all over the pillow case. I am evil. (Time to make dinner. All real assholes have dinner ready when their spouse gets home from work. Tonight it its asshole London broil, french fries, and salad) And if they don't like it they can make their own damn dinner! See? Aggression! Grrrrrr. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #19 July 22, 2005 QuoteTime to make dinner. All real assholes have dinner ready when their spouse gets home from work. Tonight it its asshole London broil, french fries, and salad) LOL nice try Deuce. But you're right...if they don't like your "a$$hole" dinner...Easy Mac works Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #20 July 22, 2005 you've forgotten the classic... fuck her in the ass without asking first, when your done, get up, wipe yourself on her curtains and steal her purse on the way out... ____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bbarnhouse 0 #21 July 22, 2005 Quotefuck her in the ass without asking first, when your done, get up, wipe yourself on her curtains and steal her purse on the way out... Wowza! With or without H & S? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
highfly 0 #22 July 22, 2005 Leave her with a Cleveland Steamer. www.myspace.com/durtymac Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vdschoor 0 #23 July 22, 2005 Quoteyou've forgotten the classic... fuck her in the ass without asking first, when your done, get up, wipe yourself on her curtains and steal her purse on the way out... But leave a 20 on the night stand, with a note on it.. 'Buy yourself something pretty...' Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #24 July 22, 2005 Make sure she doesn't have an orgasm, but (of course) you do, then afterwards tell her she needs to lose some weight, except for her breasts, which are waaaaaaaaaaaaay too small. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #25 July 22, 2005 Quoteyou've forgotten the classic... fuck her in the ass without asking first, when your done, get up, wipe yourself on her curtains and steal her purse on the way out... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But leave a 20 on the night stand, with a note on it.. 'Buy yourself something pretty...' and add 'Something like your mom picked out'. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
