shah269 0 #26 February 1, 2011 I'd rather have a clean canvas to work with. Well no duuuuhh! Name one guy who came out of a divorce better off than when he went in...maybe that last guy who married Madona! Hell I, having no kids, having paid for her education am eating $10k worth of legal and bank fees! Immagine if I had kids and my property was worth soemthing! You girls have us guys by the balls when it comes to a divorce. This little contract is the onlything any man has to pretect him and his assets if and when a young lady has what best could be described as "change of plans"Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deltron80 0 #27 February 1, 2011 When it comes to dealing with women, I think you're getting hung up on all this paperwork. All you need to do is smack them and yell, "get back in the kitchen!" That usually works for me. Hope that helps! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roxxx 0 #28 February 1, 2011 QuoteWhen it comes to dealing with women, I think you're getting hung up on all this paperwork. All you need to do is smack them and yell, "get back in the kitchen!" That usually works for me. Hope that helps! Yeah, and buy a ball-gag... The secret to a perfect marriage is not communication, it's lack there of, if you listen to each other, it'll only piss you off! I'd be on the phone if I wasn't required to w... nothing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #29 February 1, 2011 QuoteI'd rather have a clean canvas to work with. Well no duuuuhh! Name one guy who came out of a divorce better off than when he went in... Tom Arnold."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squirrel 0 #30 February 1, 2011 damn, reading this discussion makes me feel extremely lucky. been married 8 years, and no arguements. really. ________________________________ Where is Darwin when you need him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #31 February 1, 2011 Here is one a friend told me on our way to China. His friend, worked for Chase for 40 year. His retirement was worth well over $3mill. No joke money! The guy worked from 7am to 7pm. Had two kids. The wife worked. They had a nice house....the usual gig. 15 years in the girl suddenly finds god...or something like that....cuts the poor bastard off when it comes to sex and affection. Wants him to quit his job and bla bla bla. This goes on for 6 months to a year. Accuses the SOB of having an affair with his admin....asks for a divorce and puts a restraining order on the guy. Takes him for HALF of his retirement and 70% of his income + the home and limited visitation. The judge thought that was the right thing to do. So here is a guy in his 50's living on 30% of his income living in a one bedroom appartment kicking himesle for not having that little contract and hoping beyond hope that his X gets hit by a bus! Why the guy hasn't put a bullet in his brain is beyond me. One of the dumb ass engineers I know, married a human whale. Told her not to worry about work and to take it easy....so she did....she too found god 5 years in. Asked for a divorce. Took the dumb fuck for $50k. GET A CONTRACT! DON'T BE A DUMB ASS! How good would it feel when she has some sort of short circuit and cuts you off and wants to take half of what is yours to be able to pull out a piece of paper she signed and you signed and to say with a big fat shit eating grin on your face. "Suck on this! Take your shit and get the hell out of my house!" Look I'm sorry guys, it's not like "how it use to be". 70% of all divorces are started by the chick. And I assure you a good 50% of them have no clue why they did it in the first place but they would rather burn in hell than admit it! GET A CONTRACT!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #32 February 1, 2011 QuoteQuoteI'd rather have a clean canvas to work with. Well no duuuuhh! Name one guy who came out of a divorce better off than when he went in... Tom Arnold. Kevin Federline I would think too. Don't think he's much of a rapper. How much did he get off of Britney?"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squirrel 0 #33 February 1, 2011 well, its a good thing that we (her and I) both know there is no god. ________________________________ Where is Darwin when you need him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #34 February 3, 2011 QuoteQuoteI think if putting it in writing is the only way to discuss the things that are important in a lifelong commitment (marriage or not), YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE MARRIED TO THAT PERSON. Seriously, if you're getting married, you should have already discussed these things BEFORE you made that decision. And seriously, I do many of the chores around the house because it makes me feel good to be taking care of my husband. My husband does some of the chores as a surprise for me or when I am not feeling well, etc. We both love these things about the other. But to put in writing who does what chore and when, would really just make it a chore in my mind, and likely would just piss me off everytime I did that chore. Don't get me wrong, I am merely a newlywed, and by no means an expert, but if making a contract is the only way to discuss the big ticket topics, I think there may be a few problems. I really want to agree with you on this. It just seems wrong. But I find that we sometimes expect people to be normal and reasonable; only to find that the person we have been seeing has a totally different idea of what normal and reasonable is. I was married. I found out after we got married that there were a whole host of things we never even thought about. For instance, who is responsible for making sure we have enough money to pay the bills and actually paying the bills? I thought we would do it together (I was so naive). She thought her job was to spend however she wanted and I should figure out where the money would come from. I actually never got her to help me pay bills in almost 20 years of trying. I now think that at least a list of things to discuss in depth could be helpful. See we have discussed who pays the bills, etc. But see, I am still in college, so that topic is a HUGE one for us. We have even discussed the possibility of one of us staying home with the potential kids in our future. It is weird to me that these things WOULDN'T be discussed before marriage. If you marry someone who is different than what you expected when you walked down the alter, I don't think a prenup will necessarily open your eyes to that. People are very good at both blinding themselves to things and hiding things about themselves for a pretty extended period of time. I recognize there are still things I don't know about my husband, but all the big things were discussed extensively before we were even engaged. To me a prenup is more about who gets what shit in the event of divorce. Quite frankly, should I ever divorce I don't want his money, and likely any of the "our stuff." That will just be more bad memories for me. As for sex in a prenup, FOR GODS SAKE, seriously? Both men and women go through phases of low libido. It is normal. To mandate sex is merely going to create resentment. That is exactly what marriage needs. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #35 February 3, 2011 I don't get why people wouldn't be talking about all these issues way before getting married, or engaged. How do you want to marry someone you don't know? I mean sure, there will be little things that come up throughout the relationship, but come on... not knowing your money management, kids/stay at home parent, or frequency of sex? Why anyone would want to marry someone they don't know the major particulars about is beyond me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
anthonyfellows 0 #36 February 3, 2011 QuoteI don't get why people wouldn't be talking about all these issues way before getting married, or engaged. How do you want to marry someone you don't know? I mean sure, there will be little things that come up throughout the relationship, but come on... not knowing your money management, kids/stay at home parent, or frequency of sex? Why anyone would want to marry someone they don't know the major particulars about is beyond me. + a fuckin million!Serious relationships turn into work after a few weeks and I already got a fucking job :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ H.A.F. = Hard As Fuck ... Goddamn Amateurs Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #37 February 3, 2011 QuoteWhy anyone would want to marry someone they don't know the major particulars about is beyond me. Hmmmmm...you'll only know what the person wants you to know. People put of facades to make themselves appear to be better than they really are. Only time will tell because they can't keep up the facade forever. By then it's too late...you've already married the bozo.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #38 February 3, 2011 A pre-nup is about who gets what in the event of a divorce. It is not about who does the chores, how often anybody gets laid, etc. People can put whatever they want on paper and sign it, it doesn't mean there is a judge in the country who is going to enforce it, whatever enforce it means. Writing it down is just a planning tool. There are some good planning tools out there to help couples communicate about things. One site with some good tools is www.marriagebuilders.com. That's a Christian based site, but really most of their philosophy makes sense and is applicable and usable even for those of us without a Christian faith (i.e. most of it is based on psychology, not religion). I'm sure there are other sites that are not religion based."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #39 February 3, 2011 QuoteQuoteWhy anyone would want to marry someone they don't know the major particulars about is beyond me. Hmmmmm...you'll only know what the person wants you to know. People put of facades to make themselves appear to be better than they really are. Only time will tell because they can't keep up the facade forever. By then it's too late...you've already married the bozo. Not necessarily. If you're asking the questions, and they're not answering, that's a red flag. If they answer but lie and you get married and change, you should have been paying more attention to their character, because people don't suddenly become a different person once you get married. There are always signs/feelings/instincts about a person, but a lot of people choose to ignore those, get married anyway, and claim someone "changed" and isn't the person they married. And if you're one of those that get married after 6 months, you hardly know them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #40 February 3, 2011 People can put whatever they want on paper and sign it, it doesn't mean there is a judge in the country who is going to enforce it, A prenup is a contract. And any judge versed in contract law....which is 99.9999999% of them will have to enforce what is written and signed to in this contract unless acts called out are contrary to civil law. A prenup is the one and only tool a man has to protect himself and his assets if things go bad.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #41 February 3, 2011 Yes and no. I see peope taking this in different ways. If you and your SO put in writing that she will take out the garbage and she does not, you are hard pressed to enforce that. If you put in writing that you get the house if and when you get divorced, you are good to go. My point was that it is sometimes helpful to be very specific about what each person's expectations are. Some counselors use written agreements between family members to settle conflicts. It prevents the unhelpful answer that 'we'll try to get along better' and replaces it with something more specific, like 'Ed will not enter Samantha's room without her permision. Samantha will not raise her voice to Ed.' I know medical facilities often use written agreements with suicidal patients. The patient agrees not to hurt themselves and to contact someone if they are feeling like doing so. They use that to give them time to set up counseling without committing the patient to the hospital. There is some power to seeing something in writing and agreeing to it. It sometimes provokes thought and leads to a more in-depth discussion of things. I can see where it might be a useful tool for discussion and understanding; not a legally binding document. The legally binding document would be a device for facilitating the divorce. Honestly, how many people discuss expectations regarding household chores before they get married? It never crossed my mind. Of course, I was young and stupid.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #42 February 3, 2011 I'm 34, I have a retirement package, I have a condo...I'm going to have a prenup. Yeah it may not call out "Must have sex 3 times a week" but it will have language rearding the issue. And like any good contract it will be updated as things change. But in a court of contract law, as a dude it's the one and only thing you have on your side.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #43 February 3, 2011 A prenup is an "In case of emergency" /disaster recovery plan. The sole purpose of a DR plan is to know what to do/what happens in case of certain situations. It is not to specify normal procedures as they may change greatly. Want to make it comprehensive? "Both parties agree to communicate openly. No secrets."Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #44 February 3, 2011 True story: A relative got married to the sweetest girl you could imagine. Everyone was sooooo happy for him. On the wedding night (small wedding) as we were all leaving the chapel, she says to him (and we all laughed at the joke), "Things are going to change now, boy. You're married to ME!" None of us knew at the time just how serious she was. It took him 6 months to get out of it.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #45 February 3, 2011 "Things are going to change now, boy. You're married to ME!" Man that just isn't right.....some people need to be shot!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #46 February 3, 2011 Ouch! Pretty much my biggest fear.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #47 February 3, 2011 QuoteOuch! Pretty much my biggest fear. I had a friend get married - Her father walked up to him at the end of the wedding and said "I really hope you know what you just got yourself into" ......... ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #48 February 3, 2011 QuoteOuch! Pretty much my biggest fear. Seen it before haven't you. I've seen it more times than I can count! Girl goes from the nicest person on the planet to some sort of fire breathin man hating sea monster! It's what every dude fears! That cute girl you went out with who looked good and giggled and thought your friends were "cool" Now has developed a taste for butter straight from the tub, thinks all the skinny girls who are your friends have eating disorders, thinks sex once a month is ok, cooks using the microwave, sweat pants and sweat shirts are worn every day....and every night.....and wost of all....she cuts her hair! I think every dude should have a "Get this girl out of my life NOW" card.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rehmwa 2 #49 February 3, 2011 Quote.....and wost of all....she cuts her hair! ahhhhhh!!!!! - that's such a cliche'. adding 50 pounds and going straight to the shock value, low maintenance hair cut (cliche' maybe, but I've seen it more times than I can count) ... Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #50 February 3, 2011 Quote "Things are going to change now, boy. You're married to ME!" "A man marries a woman, hoping she won't change; A woman marries a man, hoping she can change him.""There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites