corpkid 0 #1 May 10, 2011 Anyone ever been in a situation where your closest two friends happen to be a married couple, and then they decide to get divorced (and it's ugly) and you are caught in the middle dodging shrapnel? If so - I could use some advice... I'm trying to stay out of it but they keep dragging me back in. My primary concern is not losing either as a friend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 855 #2 May 10, 2011 Pick one. It will be next to impossible to stay friends with both. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #3 May 10, 2011 Divorce is harsh. Even if both parties are not fighting it's harsh. If you can stay away untill it's over that would be your best bet. Limit your exposure. Tell them you are going skydiving. Good luck to you and your friends. It's not fun.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #4 May 10, 2011 You’re friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
corpkid 0 #5 May 10, 2011 Quote Pick one. It will be next to impossible to stay friends with both. That's what my mom also said, unfortunately. I have to call them and ask them to remove me from the middle. I woke up today to 2 messages from her and 3 from him overnight. I'm never getting married. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
corpkid 0 #6 May 10, 2011 Quote You’re friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver? Dude - way to blow my cover! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhreeZone 20 #7 May 10, 2011 This is the best answer around. After a few years you might be able to regain the friendship of the one but you are stuck picking one now.Yesterday is history And tomorrow is a mystery Parachutemanuals.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,544 #8 May 10, 2011 QuoteI have to call them and ask them to remove me from the middleThat's it. One will get pissed with you, the other one will be OK with it -- that'll make your decision easier. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Divalent 145 #9 May 10, 2011 Okay, I'll be the contrarian: Tell them both that you love and care and are concerned about each of them, and that while you recognize the pain and hurt they might be going through now, and that you will not be dragged by either of them into "picking sides" or be forced to pass judgment based on one persons version of recent events. I recommend this for several reasons, the paramount one is that its for your own sanity. But if you do really care for them, by remaining an unbiased neutral friendly party, you will be in a much better position to actually help guide them away from petty destructive acts and do what is best for the long term happiness of both. Good luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MX304 0 #10 May 10, 2011 I'm dealing with that now. I fully agree with everyone who has said to stay out of it. I have distanced myself from the situation and will deal with it down the road. It's not an easy thing... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #11 May 10, 2011 Suggest to them that you all get together for a 3-way.Then maybe they will both avoid you. "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andy9o8 2 #13 May 10, 2011 QuoteOkay, I'll be the contrarian: Tell them both that you love and care and are concerned about each of them, and that while you recognize the pain and hurt they might be going through now, and that you will not be dragged by either of them into "picking sides" or be forced to pass judgment based on one persons version of recent events. I recommend this for several reasons, the paramount one is that its for your own sanity. But if you do really care for them, by remaining an unbiased neutral friendly party, you will be in a much better position to actually help guide them away from petty destructive acts and do what is best for the long term happiness of both. Good luck. This is exactly what I was fixin' to say myself. I disagree with those who say "pick one". As tough as it is, do your best to pick neither, and to let neither claim dibs on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 855 #14 May 10, 2011 Or just tap that ass now and be done with the both of them.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pyrotech 0 #15 May 10, 2011 I've been through the same, and both parties were relentless in dragging me in and bitching about the other one. Sadly, I don't hang out with either of them anymore. It sucks; it almost feels like they're divorcing you too, since you're sorta in the middle of it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver30960 0 #16 May 10, 2011 Wow. Never been in this situation, but I'm the kind of person who would probably try to do the "I want to be friends with you both, keep me out of it" route. If that didn't work, then I'd kick them both to the curb rather than pick one. Situations like this are a perfect example of why I don't have friends. Yeah, sure it is... Elvisio " and for no other reasons" Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #17 May 10, 2011 I haven't been put in this position on a divorce, but I have for breakups, and my response is similar to others' "I love you, but do not put me in the middle of your shit." I feel like I can be empathetic without taking sides (there might be a few exceptions, like an abusive relationship, where the only right thing to do is to take sides, but most breakups are just messy, complicated emotional things, not the outcome of abusive behavior). If one friend absolutely demanded I take sides against the other, that would probably be where I distance myself from the situation."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpwally 0 #18 May 10, 2011 Yeah,,thats best ....tell them to sort themselves out and to call you when its really over. It is very unfair for them to suck you in like that. You didn't make them get married so you don't need to sort it out for them either.......you need to give them space,,walk away,,,go skydive. Watching friends hurt is tough but but life goes on...smile, be nice, enjoy life FB # - 1083 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #19 May 10, 2011 Tried to stay friends with both my mates who divorced a few years ago - they ended up surprising everyone and getting re-married!!! I was glad I hadn't taken sides Every time one of them started to bitch to me about the other, I was sympathetic but I refused to get in the middle. I just occasionally reminded them they had been together 3 (?) years AND gotten married, which either meant the other person was a decent human being, or they were a moron!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stem13 0 #20 May 10, 2011 That's really tough - going through situations like this everyone wants the help and support of their best friend, but because you act as such for both parties involved, I can see how that is terribly awkward for you... If possible I'd say make it clear to them that as their best friend you wish that you can be an outlet for them, but that it comprimises your relationship with the other person as well and you don't wish that to be. If you are able to allow each to vent without it getting to you and without offering any advice, then that would be best. But make clear that as soon as they start trying to skew YOUR view of the other person, that you will have to tell them to stop. My parents went through a really nasty divorce, but years later they were able to come together to be friends. I would suggest not "choosing" a side, but either making it clear to both that you are in a very awkward position that you wish not to be in, or making it clear that you want NOTHING to do with their current problems (which will also lead to a strain in your friendships I am sure).some sort of crazy liquor cheeseburger party Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #21 May 11, 2011 Quote Or just tap that ass now and be done with the both of them.... I came here to say this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,422 #22 May 11, 2011 Have sex with her. He'll find out. You'll lose them both. Misery gone and some pussy in the process. Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #23 May 11, 2011 Quote Have sex with her. He'll find out. You'll lose them both. Misery gone and some pussy in the process. I have been waiting for these responses, WTH did thewy take so longYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #24 May 11, 2011 Maybe she's over a size 8. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #25 May 11, 2011 Quote Have sex with her him. He'll She’ll find out. You'll lose them both. Misery gone and some pussy ass in the process. If my memory serves me correctly I fixed it for you. Either way would probably work though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
