shah269 0 #1 November 22, 2011 http://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/302967000 Not only can I do this job...but I can make it look good! I would make it look good! Not only would my pants be tight red valur but from space I will hit on ever single news caster who interviews me....even John Stewart! "Hi John, this is Shah in space, how have you been....you know it's lonely up here in the space station....lonely and cold John...will you come up and cuddle with me! You can be little spoon."Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sandi 0 #2 November 22, 2011 I meet all the requirements except for height. Apparently I'm two inches too short to be an astronaut. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #3 November 22, 2011 If I were on the ISS my room would be called the Sexasium and I would suffer from Sexlexia! I can see it now, an interview from space and I'm on Ellen. "Ellen, hi, how are you, this is Shah in space....so ever play that age old French game hide the summer sausage with your hot wife? Well I have this space sausage that I think will do just fine!"Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #4 November 22, 2011 Quote I meet all the requirements except for height. Apparently I'm two inches too short to be an astronaut. I bet you feel dirty for posting in this thread now, don't you...Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #5 November 22, 2011 Quote Quote I meet all the requirements except for height. Apparently I'm two inches too short to be an astronaut. I bet you feel dirty for posting in this thread now, don't you... Please! In my space ship all the girls will be cute little bonds! Or hot green chicks! And we will have pants free tuesdays....yeah free balling it in 0G! Now that's what I'm talking about!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hcsvader 1 #6 November 22, 2011 and you wonder why you are single?Have you seen my pants? it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream >:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #7 November 22, 2011 Quoteand you wonder why you are single? https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-evwFm5hDrPQ/TYGluVQToTI/AAAAAAAAAHU/0M538yF_YjM/zap+and+kif.jpg Hum......because Im too sexy...to sexy for this shirt? So sexy....it hurts? If I had that job, and I will, I would do all major interviews without a shirt on....but if I had to wear a shirt I would have all the buttons undone and start every interview with "Open hailing frequencies" and at the end them screaming "Kkkkkaaaaaaannnnn!!!!" Let's be honest have you seen your current lot of so called astronauts! I mean really look at them! What do young kids rather look at! Some dork rocking the buttoned up polo shirt look talking about how ants reproduce in space.....OR....a guy rocking a shirt one size too small, most likely pink, talking about what really matters...how great he is compared to all the other astronauts that came before him....or randomly starting fist fights because that Russian gave you a funny look and hitting on the female news casters. Be honest what would you rather catch on the evening news; Shah the Astronaut "Hi, who are you again....don't bore me with your name...I'm Shah the Astronaut....names are nothing to me....so I'm going to give you my number and you are going to sext me at least 4 times a day....yes I know we are on live TV, I have a tv up here watching myself watching you." OR Dullstronaut "On our 15th day in orbit we watched salt crystals form in a mild acidic solution and studied how ants use our pubic hairs to make little tunnels......he he he he...so facianting.....so nice....."Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver30960 0 #8 November 22, 2011 I'm there, dude. While my application will read more like one of the miners from Armageddon than the guys from The Right Stuff, at least I can tell my grandkids (not that there will be any) that I was considered by NASA for the Astronaut Training program! ...considered briefly then soundly rejected, sure. But considered nonetheless! Elvisio "first sombrero in space" Rodriguez EDIT FOR SPELLING: Because successful induction into the Astronaut Training Program probably requires being able to spell "astronaut" correctly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #9 November 22, 2011 If we take up a collection to help send Shah into space, can we get a guarantee they won't send him back? "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #10 November 22, 2011 They weren't miners... They were pussy roughnecks... Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #11 November 22, 2011 Quote can we get a guarantee they won't send him back? Can you imagine anyone wanting to keep him?Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #12 November 22, 2011 Quote If we take up a collection to help send Shah into space, can we get a guarantee they won't send him back? Please the ladies love the Shah! I'm their deep dark Persian dream come ture! I will be welcomed back with parades and fireworks and feasts of bacon! And when I come back all tan and hot rocking the one piece suit one size too small holding a severed Vulcan head in my right hand and some sort of Klingon Ail in my left...don't even think of offering me any virgins! Only strippers! Extra points will be given if they are green!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrubin 0 #13 November 22, 2011 I'll definitely apply when I meet all of the requirements. I've got the education done, now I'm just working on the required work experience."I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hcsvader 1 #14 November 22, 2011 Sorry, sometime I forget you are from Jersey... Continue on with your delusions.... You just want to be on record as saying "houston, we have a situation" Button up your shirt d-bag :pHave you seen my pants? it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream >:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #15 November 22, 2011 Quote You just want to be on record as saying "houston, we have a situation" Button up your shirt d-bag :p OH COME ON! You know you want to do it! If i ever went for this I would have get lots and lots of tats! I mean huge tribal stuff! After all that's what Kurk would have done! http://captainkirksguidetowomen.com/Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #16 November 22, 2011 QuoteIf i ever went for this I would have get lots and lots of tats! I mean huge tribal stuff! That's funny shit, right there! Hey, Vader: wanna get some tribals?Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,488 #17 November 22, 2011 Frequent travel may be required The mere fact that they had to put this in the description tends to make one think that it was a problem for one/some after entering the program.... ya know, like on Desert Storm when I had all those "now, wait a second, I joined for the college benefits, or to learn a trade (these were 11C's, mind you)... I didn't join the Army to go To WAR!!!! Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #18 November 23, 2011 I have met people from NASA who are afraid of flying....no joke! AFRAID of flying! How I did not kick their asses is a true testament of how amazing I really am!Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nanook 1 #19 November 23, 2011 Probably most of those jobs will be taken by active duty military with ivy league educations or civillians with the same._____________________________ "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #20 November 23, 2011 Quotehttp://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/302967000 Not only can I do this job...but I can make it look good! I would make it look good! Not only would my pants be tight red valur but from space I will hit on ever single news caster who interviews me....even John Stewart! "Hi John, this is Shah in space, how have you been....you know it's lonely up here in the space station....lonely and cold John...will you come up and cuddle with me! You can be little spoon." You do realize you would have to hang out with engineering chicks... and we all know how many of them are +8.... so you would never get laid again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #21 November 23, 2011 QuoteProbably most of those jobs will be taken by active duty military with ivy league educations or civillians with the same. Take left hand make fist, extend index finger and thumb place hand on forehead and read out loud "I am the best of the best of the best of the best of the zzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Yeah we need less of them and more of me! As for those size 8 engineering chicks....WHY THE HELL WOULD I HIT ON THEM! I'll be a freaking AstroFREAKINnaut! I'll be hitting on all the hot news casters on Faux news. it will go like this Shah The Astronaut "Hi, you sexy long legged, flat bellied, perky boobied amazineg assed hoty! Yeah I know that your teleprompter is sex to phoenix and well....you have no clue where Bombay is or why it's called Mumbai, but this I know.....you would look great covered in baby oil laying on my space blanket, Yes I know we are on live tv and ask me if i care...no baby i don't and neither will America because this is a long distance booty call and I be calling your booty!" And that is how you do it! Can one of those IV dorks do that! NOPE! Too busy trying to find useless crap like why ants get smarter in space or why Tang is only drank by Asian guys.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,488 #22 November 23, 2011 Quote it will go like this Shah The Astronaut "Hi, you sexy long legged, flat bellied, perky boobied amazineg assed hoty! Yeah I know that your teleprompter is sex to phoenix and well....you have no clue where Bombay is or why it's called Mumbai, but this I know.....you would look great covered in baby oil laying on my space blanket, Yes I know we are on live tv and ask me if i care...no baby i don't and neither will America because this is a long distance booty call and I be calling your booty!" Shah's on the line...Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #23 November 23, 2011 Dude, draaawww, budddddyyy.... I can't view youtube at work so well you have to tell me what I'm like going to look at and what not. So yeah.....radical! Friend of mine who is big into NASCAR said if he did it he would sell off parts of his shirt for sponsorships and talk about them nonstop! Reporter "And how do you feel about zero gravity? Friend "Well I don't know much about gravity but I do know Coke Zero tastes great and with Zero calories you too can float around like me!" I'm telling you the space program needs characters! None of this boring make you want to stick a pen in your ear kind of dorks who get off on their Ti calculators! I'm talking people you're average American can relate to! Or hell something that bumps up the ratings on NASA TV.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
