your honest opinion

[promise5 17]

ok, not sure if this is the place but what the heck. I really would like some honest opinions. What is your opinion of a girl that stays with a guy that has cheated on her?? I don't want to say more, I just want your opinion on just the basic bare info. Sometimes honesty is easier from strangers that don't know either person.

No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

[oldwomanc6 60]

Well, a few things:

You will get a different set of answers, here, than you will in the Women's forum.

There is not enough info for anyone here to give a reasonable opinion, let alone honest.

When all is said and done, only your whoever was cheated on's opinion is the one that counts.

Queue the smarty-pants answers!

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[Coreece 190]

listen to my sig line...

Specifically at 2:51...true love never fails and will prevail, forever.

Nobody could never escape love that deep and will always come back.

Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

[Coreece 190]

Quote

I really would like some honest opinions.

Furthermore, this isn't high school anymore...people need to stop relying on others opinions. This is about you...stay true to your heart.

To many people make make rash decisions based on what others say or don't say - how others act or don't act. This isn't about them...it's about you...stay true to your heart.

This world is dying along with their opinions and hypocritical judgements...don't die along with them.

Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

[promise5 17]

No no rash decisions based on what others say I just want some honest opinions. Sometimes you think you can stay true to your heart, but the pain gets to overwhelming and the lack of trust is to great that you find out you can't stay any longer.

No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

[Coreece 190]

Time Destroys Everything...

When the pain subsides, you'll have another chance to prove your love twas true.

(sorry to get all deep n' shit, but I just had to be legit for a minute...)

Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

[promise5 17]

Its amazing but your quote about not letting go of the wrong hand, really touched me. I feel he did, he let go of the wrong hand. He let go of mine, for a time and cheated. I wish he hadn't and I think he realizes it but still he did. I think I might copy that quote and keep it posted where I can see it.

No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

[BigMikeH77 0]

I think that once there is that great of a relational transgression, the trust is irreparably destroyed unfortunately. I wish it weren't so, but from my opinion and experience, that is just the case.

So what do I think of someone whom stays in a relationship with a cheater? Regardless of man or woman, I think it speaks volumes of their self esteem.

I know that sounds harsh... I've been on both sides more tinmes thani care to remember, and once the trust is gone its gone.

[promise5 17]

Thanks for your honesty

No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

[popsjumper 2]

Quote

So what do I think of someone whom stays in a relationship with a cheater? Regardless of man or woman, I think it speaks volumes of their self esteem.

Sometimes that is true, yes.
Sometimes it's not.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[popsjumper 2]

Ask yourself:

1. What is it really that bothers me so deeply about this?

2. What is it about this relationship that leads me to want to stay?

3. If I think I really want to stay, why am I so miserable?

4. If anything was lost, is it worth staying without it?

If you are honest with yourself, you will be listening to that inner voice that is talking to you. That inner voice is rarely wrong.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Nataly 38]

Of course each situation is different, but generally speaking I think cheating on someone is very disrespectful, and it's a huge betrayal of trust... Does he know he broke the relationship? If he does not appreciate/realise just how much he hurt you, it's a bigger problem than his infidelity.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Croc 0]

Leave

"Here's a good specimen of my own wisdom. Something is so, except when it isn't so."

Charles Fort, commenting on the many contradictions of astronomy

[wmw999 2,589]

Good post. Situations are too individual, and people are too individual. But the situation of cheating is big enough that big questions and discussion are warranted.

That means talking between the two of you. And if the other party isn't willing, then, well, that's part of your answer.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Andy9o8 2]

I'm in my 50's, so take that raw quantity of life experience for whatever it's worth to this discussion. But based on that, my take is:

If he cheated on you this time, he'll do it again. If you think otherwise, chances are greater than not that you're kidding yourself. (If you think the formal commitment of marriage will change that, you're also probably kidding yourself.) See, he's already crossed that line; it's something he's mentally willing to do, and each time is easier to rationalize, because he's already had his "first jump" (at least). He's already demonstrated what he's willing and able to do.

Plenty of fish in the sea, dear. Better a breakup now than a divorce later.

[Arvoitus 1]

Quote

I'm in my 50's, so take that raw quantity of life experience for whatever it's worth to this discussion. But based on that, my take is:

If he cheated on you this time, he'll do it again. If you think otherwise, chances are greater than not that you're kidding yourself. (If you think the formal commitment of marriage will change that, you're also probably kidding yourself.) See, he's already crossed that line; it's something he's mentally willing to do, and each time is easier to rationalize, because he's already had his "first jump" (at least). He's already demonstrated what he's willing and able to do.

Plenty of fish in the sea, dear. Better a breakup now than a divorce later.

Pretty much this.

If he has done it was once and you let it slip, he will do it again. So basically the question you need to ask yourself is 'Are you okay with him fucking around?'.

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[Coreece 190]

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So what do I think of someone whom stays in a relationship with a cheater? Regardless of man or woman, I think it speaks volumes of their self esteem.

Not necessarily...one could argue that it takes unparallelled confidence, selfless love and security with one's self to overcome such trials in a relationship...and such strength is indeed rare, so I can understand how many people feel less optimistic in these situations.

Some people are just enslaved to haughty ego's and lack the character/perseverance to overcome various trials in life...

I'm amazed at some of the problems couples have worked through and how they refused to be solely influenced by the negativity and overbearing ridicule of cynics.

Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

[JohnMitchell 16]

Quote

If he does not appreciate/realise just how much he hurt you, it's a bigger problem than his infidelity.

Nice insight there, N@.
To the OP, if it's a strong relationship and the woman's eyes are wide open, I say repair the relationship if that's what she wants. But it will need repairing.

[obelixtim 150]

Quote

ok, not sure if this is the place but what the heck. I really would like some honest opinions. What is your opinion of a girl that stays with a guy that has cheated on her?? I don't want to say more, I just want your opinion on just the basic bare info. Sometimes honesty is easier from strangers that don't know either person.

My rule is no second chances. Its tough, but at least save yourself a lot of time, energy and grief, and give him the axe.

His actions showed how much he really cared about you, and to try and carry on is simply flogging a dead horse.

He jumped the fence. At that point he was gone. The horse has bolted.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with living. Life with only one relationship is pretty rare these days, someone else will come along.

Enjoy your freedom......its precious.

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[wolfriverjoe 1,523]

The trust has been broken.

Maybe it can be repaired, maybe it can't.
But before you ask if it can be repaired, do both of you want to try to repair it?

Because it will take a lot of work. And unless both of you are willing to do the work, it won't happen.

And it may not be possible to rebuild the trust. That depends on a list of things beyond willingness, the top one on that list is the understanding of hurt that Nataly mentioned.

It's not an easy decision. Good luck to you.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[BigMikeH77 0]

At first I took that as a personal jab... But I thought about it and can see your point. Recovering a relationship after infedility CAN happen, but it doesn't happen often. I think cheating is a symptom of a much greater underlying problem that has been allowed to fester and grow. It's incredibly difficult for the betrayed person to ever completely remove the possibility from their thoughts... That's the trust part. If there's ever going to be that shred of doubt about "where he/she is", or "who's that text from", etc., then its just not worth.putting yourself or the other person through it. I just think its better to move on, as hard as that can be.

[IanHarrop 43]

Trust, once lost, is very hard to regain. It maybe cliche but it is also true.

So ask yourself, will you ever really trust him again? If not, without trust do you really have the relationship with a man that you truly want and deserve.

Never settle for "good enough" when it comes to your primary relationship.

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[Squeak 17]

Quote

Quote

So what do I think of someone whom stays in a relationship with a cheater? Regardless of man or woman, I think it speaks volumes of their self esteem.

Not necessarily...one could argue that it takes unparallelled confidence, selfless love and security with one's self to overcome such trials in a relationship...and such strength is indeed rare, so I can understand how many people feel less optimistic in these situations.

Some people are just enslaved to haughty ego's and lack the character/perseverance to overcome various trials in life...

I'm amazed at some of the problems couples have worked through and how they refused to be solely influenced by the negativity and overbearing ridicule of cynics.

best pot yet Bro
most of the answers thus far are overly simplistic.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Gravitymaster 0]

I don't normally give relationship advice but, I would sleep with his best friend and then tell him about it. Ask him how it feels and then tell him that's how you felt. Then tell him you are willing to give him one more chance. If he does this again, it's over for good.

[rwieder 0]

Ya know people make mistakes. I've made one myself, just once but I'm not proud of it and I regret it to this day. My wife forgave me, we went to Christian Counseling for a year. Now 32 years of marriage, 4 children, 5 grandchildren we've been inseperable and couldn't do without each other. I screwed up, bad and could have ruined my life, my wife wasn't having it. Thank God for a strong woman, and counseling. Good luck.

-Richard-
"You're Holding The Rope And I'm Taking The Fall"