Male sex drive?

[SudsyFist 0]

Quote

At the very least, I should be able to manage fellatio (unless I have a head cold).

*swoon*

[husky 0]

Quote

if he doesnt want to have sex with you then I would figure out why, if he isnt willing to compromise then he does not care about you as much as you think he does. In my opinion, from what we all know on here.

I have a tough time disagreeing with this too, no matter how much I want to. However, I also don't want sex to be a chore or a compromise. We both deserve better than that.

I have no problem with you voicing your opinion. The odds of him being gay are extremely remote, but your guess via Internet is just as valid as anyone else's Internet guess without knowing us.

[husky 0]

Quote

If I'm in a relationship that's happy and healthy, I'll "put out" even when I don't feel like it...because I know that about five minutes into it, I'm going to feel like it.

Consider all the things that partners do for each other, whether they "feel like it" or not, and tell me why sex should be any different.

Someone I love should suffer because I don't "feel like" having sex? I don't think so. If I'm sick or otherwise incapacitated, it's one thing. But if it's just that I'm not in the mood, I'll go ahead and get into the mood. At the very least, I should be able to manage fellatio (unless I have a head cold).

I agree completely. Especially with the knowing that if I'm not exactly horny to start with, I will be within a very short period of time, so have no problem giving in, and I've never regretted it.

He does not feel the same way. Even if I try to start something, he'll just flat out say he's not interested instead of giving me a minute to get him interested. I'm shot down before being given a chance. Lately, I haven't even bothered to try.

[thegreekone 0]

I'm not aware of any "tone".

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Quote

I have a tough time disagreeing with this too, no matter how much I want to. However, I also don't want sex to be a chore or a compromise. We both deserve better than that

sex almost always has to be in some way shape or form a compromise. Reasons being

1. Drives dont match up always
2. Even if they do match, whose to say his 3 times a day all at once matches my morning noon and night
3. Kinks vary just as the depth of the kink will as well.

When two people share one life it is a complete compromise. From sex to which way the toilet paper goes on the dispenser (paper from below)

If you ask him if he is gay and he says no he isnt gay Ill stop bringing it up. Right now, he seems like the perfect friend.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[seekfun 0]

Husky,

Any chance your hubby is developing self esteem or image issues? We men can get self conscious, too.

Have you ever tried any counseling? For the longest time, I thought counseling was only for people with serious instablities, mental health issues, etc. But, when my marriage was ending, my wife and I went through some counseling and if nothing else, it fostered some tremedously productive communication. We still ended up parting ways, but we communicated better because of the counseling process.

Good luck!!!!

"...there is a there out there..." - Tom Robbins

[lisamariewillbe 1]

ohhh wear ear plugs that way if he says he isnt interested you cant hear him.....

to be honest if I was forced to stop a BJ as often as you seem to be Id stop them and tell him he needed to find me someone who liked recieveing them.

Funny how on one thread men berate women because we dont want sex enough , and now on this one we are made to feel like we want it to much.

And masturbation is not a cure for not getting laid, *cough* many people masturbate more when they are getting sex *cough* then when they are not getting any

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[ChrisL 2]

Quote

Okay I agree, kinda.... as long as it isnt a physical reason of being sick, why would you refuse your partner physical joy? Ive certainly had sex when I wasnt 100% there, it wasnt a chore per say but I still think that when two people love each other they provide the other person with their needs, and if it happens to be sex 3 times a day, guess where he will be? [\reply]

I hope the 3 times day thing is an exaggeration and you dont really think someone should have to spend that much time and energy to make someone else happy.
My belief is that we are each repsonsible for our own happiness.
I CANT make another person happy even if I devote my entrie life to it,
nor can someone else MAKE me happy.

Quote

okay so your wife has on occasion refused sex due to varies reasons, and it hasnt affected you. Lets compare that to a person who for years is refused sex regardless if it is by oral or penetration , but refused so often that they feel they need to go to a bunch of strangers for advice on what to do?

I wish there was an easy answer to this her problem. If there is NO sex at all, ever, then maybe there is some thing more going on.
Still, all long term relationships have cycles. Sometimes theres more, sometimes thes less, sometimes its non-existant for a while.

Who is to say that this isnt just an exceptionally long off cycle?

Quote

If it was a physical issue and he refused to at least try alternitives Id be pissed to. Relationships are give and take.

True. Still I just dont hold with the notion that sex should be bartered in a relationship. Its not a responsibility or a duty. Its something people should share when they are both in the mood for it.
If there is a great disparity between one persons desire and the others, the the person that isnt getting what they need from the relationship should reevaluate why they are in it and maybe seek someone else more evenly matched as opposed to demanding that their partner step up to the plate and start giving them more orgasms

__

My mighty steed

• Quote

[tigra 0]

Sorry, its just that you've already repeated it several times and I think it sort of makes you look like an (insert word of choice) when you keep repeating the same thing over and over again, especially since she's already addressed it and disagreed AND you don't know them! Besides, I'll bet if that were the case, on some level she'd know it.

[ChrisL 2]

Quote

I'm not aware of any "tone".

With all due respect, that was exactly my point..

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Quote

I hope the 3 times day thing is an exaggeration and you dont really think someone should have to spend that much time and energy to make someone else happy. ***

Maybe not every day.

My belief is that we are each repsonsible for our own happiness.
I CANT make another person happy even if I devote my entrie life to it,
nor can someone else MAKE me happy.

Ummmm yes granted I am the best I have ever had, but if I am left to my own accord to provide solely for my sexual happiness then I wouldnt have a reason to be in a commited relationship. He could just be my best friend and I could continue to buy batteries. And yes there are MANY things someone can do to make me happy that I myself cant do..... If you want I can send you a book on sex, most positions and most types require at least one person.

Quote

Who is to say that this isnt just an exceptionally long off cycle?

I agree, but whose to say how long the relationship can sustain before the person being negleted either leaves or cheats? Hence why mental or physicall help is needed. Its a reason for thearpy. Its a reason to end a marriage, so why not find a way to help compromise? If he isnt willing to compromise, then what?

Quote

True. Still I just dont hold with the notion that sex should be bartered in a relationship. Its not a responsibility or a duty

uhhh being in a relationship means each has duties to each other, one being to provide physical stimulation and in some cases lots of sex, or at least a little sex. She isnt even getting alittle.

Quote

Its something people should share when they are both in the mood for it.

so if both are not in the mood for it at the same time then they never have sex? Whats the cut off ? For me it would depends on circumstances to what else is going on in our life, but I can promise I couldnt go a full year.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[ChrisL 2]

Quote

Funny how on one thread men berate women because we dont want sex enough , and now on this one we are made to feel like we want it to much.

Now dont go and try to make us all look like hypocrites I'm sure you know as well as anyone else that its highly unlikely that the same men are aguing both sides of the issue.

I for one have never participated in any thread that complaied about women not providing enough sex

__

My mighty steed

[Shotgun 1]

Quote

Lack of interest in sex doen NOT mean that the marriage is in trouble or that he doesnt love you anymore.

Exactly... and I think that differences in sexual desire is a good reason for (responsible) open relationships.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

DING DING DING we have a winner

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[downwardspiral 0]

Chris, I'm glad I'm not your wife. I started out agreeing with you and your observations concerning the subject however your reluctance to agree that compromise is important in an intimate relationship (at least when concerning sex) has swayed me. Seems to me you think sex is a chore already. Pity.


Ladies, know that there ARE men out there that very much want to do whatever it takes to make you satisfied in every way, especially concerning sex.

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[ChrisL 2]

Quote

so if both are not in the mood for it at the same time then they never have sex? Whats the cut off ? For me it would depends on circumstances to what else is going on in our life, but I can promise I couldnt go a full year.

I bet we can agree on one thing! I bet we are bot hglad we arent married to each other.
I dont think I could measure up to your needs. 3 times a week I can do.
3 times a day....well...

I'm not as young as I used to be

__

My mighty steed

[thegreekone 0]

True. Still I just dont hold with the notion that sex should be bartered in a relationship. Its not a responsibility or a duty. Its something people should share when they are both in the mood for it.
If there is a great disparity between one persons desire and the others, the the person that isnt getting what they need from the relationship should reevaluate why they are in it and maybe seek someone else more evenly matched as opposed to demanding that their partner step up to the plate and start giving them more orgasms

[RhondaLea 4]

Quote

Its not a responsibility or a duty.

Legally speaking, you're wrong.

It's one of the duties set forth in the marriage contract, and sexual desertion is still grounds for divorce, even in some states that have no-fault.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[SudsyFist 0]

Quote

and I think that differences in sexual desire is a good reason for (responsible) open relationships.

Hiya!

[livendive 8]

Quote

Ive certainly had sex when I wasnt 100% there, it wasnt a chore per say but I still think that when two people love each other they provide the other person with their needs, and if it happens to be sex 3 times a day, guess where he will be?

You're a girl. No erection required.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[thegreekone 0]

Quote

Quote

and I think that differences in sexual desire is a good reason for (responsible) open relationships.

Hiya!

Back off, Studs. The line starts BEHIND me.

Hey Shotgun, how YOU doin?

[SudsyFist 0]

Quote

Back off, Studs. The line starts BEHIND me.

Nothing to worry about; we go wayyyy back, and I've made the unfortunate and irreversible trek into friend/loser territory.

[thegreekone 0]

Nothing to worry about; we go wayyyy back, and I've made the unfortunate and irreversible trek into friend/loser territory.

[ChrisL 2]

Quote

If I'm in a relationship that's happy and healthy, I'll "put out" even when I don't feel like it...

That may be OK for you, but that doesnt mean its OK for everyone, or even that it should be OK for everyone.

Quote

Someone I love should suffer because I don't "feel like" having sex?

Suffer?
When I was 17 and as horny as they get and my girlfriend was making me wait for the "right time" and I had an epic case of blueballs after
going 90% of the way there for 2 hours and then stopping,that was suffering.
Even then I recognised her right to deny me and waited for that "right time" to arrive. I'm sure it was the best 12 seconds of her life
I didnt relate her refusal to her love for me.

__

My mighty steed

[Shotgun 1]

Quote

Quote

Quote

and I think that differences in sexual desire is a good reason for (responsible) open relationships.

Hiya!

Back off, Studs. The line starts BEHIND me.

Don't worry, I'll keep a list of all of you who want to service Rich when my libido is low.