Male sex drive?

[husky 0]

Since this seems to be the sex knowledge capitol of the Internet, thought I'd pose this question to ya'll.

Is it normal for a guy, happily married for 3 years to have absolutely no interest in sex with his wife for the past year? It doesn't matter what I tries, he doesn't even look any more (he's not looking at anyone else either, so definitely isn't a cheating or eyeing other women kind of issue).

I'm reasonably attractive, could probably lose a few more pounds, but weigh 80 less than when we met, so isn't like I've deteriorated with time at all, actually look a lot better. Yes, gravity is starting to do things (I'm in my 30s). I am occasionally hit on by other guys, so it definitely isn't that I'm a gnome.

I've always battled with self-image problems, and between losing weight and his obvious attraction to me for so many years I thought that I'd finally conquered it. But this is absolutely killing me and making me doubt the strength of our marriage.

Suggestions? Is this normal?

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Do you shave?

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[skymama 37]

I would have him get a check-up with his doctor first. If he is suffering from impotence or depression, it could cause him not to be interested in sex.

Also, how are other aspects of your marriage? Are there unresolved issues going on between you? That could make someone not want to have sex too.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Thanatos340 1]

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married for 3 years

Sounds a little reversed but definately not uncommon. (You usually hear Men complaining about this)

Solution.. Discuss it. Point Blank. Make sure you are Crystal Clear on what you need. Men do not pick up on Subtle hints very well generally.

If they are not willing to discuss it and/or try to do something about it, There are alot more problems in your ralationship than just sex.

[jasonRose 0]

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Do you shave?

Yummy hardwood floors are the best get rid of the shag carpet..

Some day I will have the best staff in the world!!!

[lisamariewillbe 1]

or as sudsy would say, if you dont, you could braid it then yank

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[SudsyFist 0]

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or as sudsy would say, if you dont, you could braid it then yank

Don't forget you have to use something for leverage.


My advice to the afflicted: "Dude, I highly suggest a steady regimen of whacking it. Close your eyes, think a wonderful thought, whack it, and Pavlov the hell outta your sheets. With enough reinforcement, you could be Ron Jeremy."

EDIT: Yeah.

[Rebecca 0]

Suds, Husky is a woman. She could still "whack it", but I doubt she'd turn into Ron with her eyes closed. Unless you know, that's her thing.


Husky, I feel for ya', but this is what you get for asking a serious question in Bonfire.

If you want serious answers, try the Women's Forum.

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[lisamariewillbe 1]

oh and I thought I was being a troll on this thread, vroom, you have out done yourself

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[husky 0]

I don't shave, but do trim (he actually prefers that I don't shave completely). I also engage in regular personal hygeine (shower in am after the gym and PM after work).

No unresolved issues. We have a blast together in all other ways and are both very happy. There is total trust between us and we have discussed it. He says he still finds me beautiful and he doesn't know why he's like this, but he also refuses to address this in any way.

The only sex complaint he ever had was early on that I rarely initiated. He was right, and I did change that. Now feel very backstabbed that I overcame my insecurities for him and he's turning me down every time. We're talking 1-2 times a month of actual sex. The man even turns down blowjobs now.

Impotence is not an issue, we are both very flirty with each other and never a problem getting a 'rise' out of him, he just has no interest in persuing anything later when we have the time alone.

We are each other's best friends and have been very good together from the moment we met, this is just giving me that sliver of doubt and I don't want this to cause issues between us in other areas of our marriage.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

hes gay......... sounds to good to be true, then it is

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[husky 0]

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Husky, I feel for ya', but this is what you get for asking a serious question in Bonfire.

If you want serious answers, try the Women's Forum.

I knew I'd get as many laughs as answers here, which is why I preferred this forum. Definitely not a woman only issue anyway.

[Rebecca 0]

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Husky, I feel for ya', but this is what you get for asking a serious question in Bonfire.

If you want serious answers, try the Women's Forum.

I knew I'd get as many laughs as answers here, which is why I preferred this forum. Definitely not a woman only issue anyway.

True dat. Glad you knew what to expect!!

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[husky 0]

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hes gay......... sounds to good to be true, then it is

That thought did cross my mind, but given his past and assorted conversations since we met, I'm fairly sure that isn't it.

Though I did have a college classmate decide he was gay after dating me. A trend here???

[SudsyFist 0]

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Suds, Husky is a woman. She could still "whack it", but I doubt she'd turn into Ron with her eyes closed. Unless you know, that's her thing.

Duly noted. Apologies for my lack of attention to detail. Edited. Agreed.

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Husky, I feel for ya', but this is what you get for asking a serious question in Bonfire.

I was being absolutely dead-on serious, btw. You'd be SURPRISED how tough an obstacle a little positive reinforcement can overcome, if executed well.

[ChrisL 2]

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Since this seems to be the sex knowledge capitol of the Internet, thought I'd pose this question to ya'll.

Is it normal for a guy, happily married for 3 years to have absolutely no interest in sex with his wife for the past year?

It happens. It doesnt necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with either of you. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you.

The biggest mistake I see people making in relationships is in tying sex and love together.

One is an emotional state, the other is a hormone driven physical imperitive. One can compliment the other very nicely, but they are completely unrelated to each other.
Lack of interest in sex doen NOT mean that the marriage is in trouble or that he doesnt love you anymore.

If you can want sex without any emotional involvement, why is it so hard to accept that you can have love without sexual interest?

For all men, this drive decreases with age, some faster than others, and it can be perfectly normal.
A lot of other factors can play into it as well. General health, level of physical activity, stress, a million things.

It doesnt necessarily have anything to do with you at all.

Relax.

__

My mighty steed

[TALONSKY 0]

Wow, your situation is rather reversed from the norm. I would suggest taking him to an adult store and maybe exploring some erotica of some kind to help revive his lack of interest. You really need to have a sit down talk with him on what is the under lying cause and the fact in can not continue. Side note, do you know if he is getting off by himself and if he is have him stop it to focus on you.
Kirk

[lisamariewillbe 1]

also tell him you want it 3 imes a week min, if he isnt willing to try, then ask him to help pick out people for an exempt list.

Sex is very important in a relationship. Its sad when my SO is in Iraq and every day we are together we have sex more in that day then you get in a month

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[OrangeJumper 0]

The man even turns down blowjobs now.

My God in heaven

This is for anyone that knows me, if I ever turn down a blow job, please escort me to the closest medical facility.

Edit: spelling

The Original Cabana Boy!

[SudsyFist 0]

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The biggest mistake I see people making in relationships is in tying sex and love together.

This man knows exactly what the fuck he's talking about. Can I get an AMEN???

[lisamariewillbe 1]

bullshit.... I call BULLSHIT on sudsy.....

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[SudsyFist 0]

Do I hear something?

[ChrisL 2]

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also tell him you want it 3 imes a week min, if he isnt willing to try, then ask him to help pick out people for an exempt list.

Sorry, but if my wife made demands like this, that would cause problems in the marriage.

Sex and love are completely seperate issues.

I love my wife dearly. We've been together for 10 years and I will spend the rest of my life with her. I'm a faithful and totally monogamous husband.
I just dont want sex as much as I did 20 years ago and thats just a fact.
I'm 40 years old, extremely physical in that I work out 7 days a week with weights, martial arts training, cardio, you name it. I'm in exellent health and I just dont want to get laid 3 or 4 times a week. I dont have the energy or the drive for it like I did when I was 20 years old.

If we go a while without sex my wife starts to feel like I dont love her.

Its unbelievably annoying because my sex drive has nothing to do with whether or not I love her.

Why do women think they are related????

They are not

Sex can be far more rewarding if you are in love with the person you are having sex with, but they are still seperate.
Physical intimacy can stimulate emotional imtimacy, but they are still seperate things.

__

My mighty steed

[livendive 8]

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also tell him you want it 3 imes a week min, if he isnt willing to try, then ask him to help pick out people for an exempt list.

Sorry, but if my wife made demands like this, that would cause problems in the marriage.

Agreed. I'm sure all guys are different, but the easiest way to make me not want to have sex is to try demanding/nagging me into it. "It's Wednesday, so you're going to have sex with me tonight, right?" is a pretty ineffective method of seduction.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[BillyVance 35]

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also tell him you want it 3 imes a week min, if he isnt willing to try, then ask him to help pick out people for an exempt list.

Sorry, but if my wife made demands like this, that would cause problems in the marriage.

Agreed. I'm sure all guys are different, but the easiest way to make me not want to have sex is to try demanding/nagging me into it. "It's Wednesday, so you're going to have sex with me tonight, right?" is a pretty ineffective method of seduction.

Blues,
Dave

Ditto... the easiest way to seduce me is by surprising me with some sexy alluring lingerie or even a hot looking mini-dress or something when I get home... I'm a sucker for that... I have had my problems just like you mentioned, Husky.... my wife sometimes complain that we don't do it more often. I really love her, but for some reason don't see sex as the all-important thing in the marriage (though it is)...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban