Male sex drive?

[tigra 0]

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I don't shave, but do trim (he actually prefers that I don't shave completely). I also engage in regular personal hygeine (shower in am after the gym and PM after work).

No unresolved issues. We have a blast together in all other ways and are both very happy. There is total trust between us and we have discussed it. He says he still finds me beautiful and he doesn't know why he's like this, but he also refuses to address this in any way.

The only sex complaint he ever had was early on that I rarely initiated. He was right, and I did change that. Now feel very backstabbed that I overcame my insecurities for him and he's turning me down every time. We're talking 1-2 times a month of actual sex. The man even turns down blowjobs now.

Impotence is not an issue, we are both very flirty with each other and never a problem getting a 'rise' out of him, he just has no interest in persuing anything later when we have the time alone.

We are each other's best friends and have been very good together from the moment we met, this is just giving me that sliver of doubt and I don't want this to cause issues between us in other areas of our marriage.

Well, in your original post you said a year, now its once or twice a month and that you still have a great relationship. Married 3 years and together for how long before that? I guess I'll join the minority and say I DON'T think its all that abnormal and also if you start pushing the issue and making demands, you will only make things worse. Physical intimacy is important in a relationship, but so is friendship and companionship. The sex slows down eventually for all couples, but if the friendship and companionship stay as strong or get stronger, you're ahead of the game.

If you're at a stage in your life where your sexual needs are greater than his, you may need to find some alternative ways to deal with that. BOB?

[lisamariewillbe 1]

I still disagree.... SEX is very important to a relationship, if one partner is NOT happy with the amount or the type it can roll over into issues with other aspects of life.

If you love someone why deny them the physical aspect of what they need in the relationship? If anyone in a relationship is complaining that they are not fulfilled then it isnt a good relationship. You dont have to have SEX to fufill....

You dont need to fuck or have sex to make love. However humans all have varying degree physical needs and Im sorry if Im not having my needs in a relationship filled and if I have expressed those to my SO, I would expect that he would respect that and we would come to some form of agreement. Regardless if it is more sex, less sex, kinkier sex etc etc ....just as I would respect his needs and his expression of them

Its mutual respect and its also compromise. Some people are physical creatures and some are not. If the relationship is worth it both parties will figure out how to fulfill the others needs.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[tumbler 0]

Husky.. I am wondering if he asked you to drop the weight? he married you when you were 80 pounds heavier than you are now... That tells me he did not mind, and perhaps prefers a big gal. Now you have gone and changed, I am sure for all the right reasons, but maybe what you have turned your body into is not what he likes...

[husky 0]

I absolutely agree about love/sex. As I said before, we are truly each other's best friend. I have never for a moment doubted that he loves me. Sex is not and never has been the focal point of our marriage.

I also know that it isn't me. It just really makes my confidence in myself falter a bit... that's my problem though, not his.

I don't want this to grow into something bigger and start affecting all the really good parts of our marriage.

Yep, there are definitely solo alternatives that I have certainly taken advantage of.

Yes, I've taken him to the local toy store. We have a nice collection, he just isn't interested in using them any more. Yes, I blew a nice chunk of change on an outfit I knew he would like. That works, but I get turned down so much I'm leary of putting it on, that would sting too much, don't want to set myself up for that.

There is no way in hell I'd give him a minimum. Either he wants sex or he doesn't. That can't be forced. Even if it could be, I respect him infinitely too much for that.

I also have no desire to have an exemption list. The whole concept of another person touching me is repulsive to me. I have no problem admiring a good looking guy, but there's just no interest in anything other than eye candy.

I am concerned from a health standpoint, but he's a guy so won't bring it up with a doctor. And again, it's his choice to do something about that or not. I don't think it is a depression thing, he doesn't seem depressed, but I also can't crawl into his head to be certain on that either.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

From this perticular thread it looks as if us women have been fooled into thinking we have less sex.... how many men on here have complained cause there SO is to horney????

Id never beg for sex, unless that was part of the game that time.

Id also never accept being refused enough to where I allowed it to affect my self image.

His refusal to you has nothing to do with you, it has to do with him. I think he is gay. Ask him if he is.

I saw a Dr. Phil on this so it has to be true

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[Thanatos340 1]

Feed Him Osyters!! Lots and Lots of Oysters!! (Make Him Strong Like Bull!!)

Start Spiking his Drinks with Cialis. He will get tired of walking around Hard all Day and have to do something with it!!

Oh.. And Tease him every once in a while. If it is always there anytime he wants it.. Maybe it would be better if it were a little less available.

[ChrisL 2]

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Id also never accept being refused enough to where I allowed it to affect my self image.

If you are a confident, self assured person, being refused sex would never affect your self image regardless of how often it happened.

If it did, then the problem is yours, not his.

If you need sex 3 or 4 (or more) times a week to feel good about yourself
I'd say you have a larger issue to deal with than whether or not your SO still loves you.

__

My mighty steed

[SudsyFist 0]

Master!!!

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[lisamariewillbe 1]

I said people should compromise on each others needs.... regardless of what the needs are

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[husky 0]

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Husky.. I am wondering if he asked you to drop the weight? he married you when you were 80 pounds heavier than you are now... That tells me he did not mind, and perhaps prefers a big gal. Now you have gone and changed, I am sure for all the right reasons, but maybe what you have turned your body into is not what he likes...

He would never ask me to change myself in any way, we both have a lot of respect for each other that way. So no. And he never even remotely indicated that I was anything other than attractive to him then.

I lost the weight for me... for self image reasons, and because I was actually very happy for the first time in a long time so had the desire to take care of myself, and for health reasons (family history wise, not me personally)

I did ask him that, and he says he doesn't care either way and that he liked my body both ways. I'm still not exactly thin (5'3" and 138lbs).

[husky 0]

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If you are a confident, self assured person, being refused sex would never affect your self image regardless of how often it happened.

If it did, then the problem is yours, not his.

I agree completely. And I do know that my self image issues have absolutely nothing to do with him. His lack of interest definitely spurs my own lack of self worth, but not because he thinks I'm worthless... it's in my own head. I'm doing my best not to let it affect our marriage.

[downwardspiral 0]

I'm surprised noone has asked this already. Do you have children together? Can you have children? Does he want more children or children period?


Although I agree with Chris and everything he is saying, good sex is highly important to me in a relationship. That doesn't mean I believe sex and love are one and the same however I have needs and if they aren't satisfied I know I'll be miserable. Thus, if someone is in love with me I expect that their love would drive them to be a generous lover regardless of their personal desires. That said, in the same respect, it works both ways so a happy middle ground should be achieved so that one partner is not constantly giving and never receiving.

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Sorry, but if my wife made demands like this, that would cause problems in the marriage.

To expect your wife to give in to your desires without considering hers, to me, is selfish and if I was your wife that would be a problem.

.....but what do I know

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[husky 0]

Nope, no kids. He's probably going to be having a vasectomy in the near future so I can go off birth control. We both want to adopt the older kids that are in foster care rather than have biological children. Something we have both wanted to do since before we met each other, so neither of us has compromised on anything there.

In our case, there is no happy middle ground. He will give absolutely nothing at all. I'm to the point of just giving up on it, and that isn't fair to me. I'm trying so hard not to let all this affect other areas of our marriage, it's been going on for a year though.

[RhondaLea 4]

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I'm 40 years old, extremely physical in that I work out 7 days a week with weights, martial arts training, cardio, you name it. I'm in exellent health and I just dont want to get laid 3 or 4 times a week. I dont have the energy or the drive for it like I did when I was 20 years old.

If we go a while without sex my wife starts to feel like I dont love her.

So what you're saying is that you have the energy to work out seven days a week to keep yourself happy, but you don't have the energy to have sex 3 or 4 times a week to keep your wife happy.

I also saw that you think that being refused sex by ones partner should not affect ones self-esteem. Here's a clue: if your life partner doesn't want you, it's going to affect your self-esteem because the big question will be "Why not? What's wrong with me?"

As for me, refusing sex is a clear indicator that a relationship is over. If I don't want to be touched in a sexual way, it's the big warning sign that whatever is wrong with the relationship can't be fixed.

For some people, love and sex aren't tied together, but to say that's true for the majority flies in the face of every bit of research that's ever been done on the subject of sexuality.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[lisamariewillbe 1]

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He will give absolutely nothing at all. I'm to the point of just giving up on it, and that isn't fair to me. I'm trying so hard not to let all this affect other areas of our marriage, it's been going on for a year though.

Thats right, its incredibly unfair, if a SO in a relationship is completley shut off from physical affection and sex it can create other problems. I dont care how perfect everything else is. If there is no compromise then it will be hard. You giving up is not compromise.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[tigra 0]

There's a difference between physical affection and sex.

[SudsyFist 0]

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For some people, love and sex aren't tied together, but to say that's true for the majority flies in the face of every bit of research that's ever been done on the subject of sexuality.

Ideally, however, I wholeheartedly believe that one's own sexuality should be able to flourish and stand on its own, sans the choking weed root creep of love and other emotions. Let each bask in their own light: strong, self-preserving, and separate from each other.

Then when combined, you'll have synergy, instead of codependency.

[Thanatos340 1]

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Ideally, however, I wholeheartedly believe that one's own sexuality should be able to flourish and stand on its own, sans the choking weed root creep of love and other emotions. Let each bask in their own light: strong, self-preserving, and separate from each other.

Then when combined, you'll have synergy, instead of codependency.

Sudsy,
You use your mouth better than a $20 whore!!

[SudsyFist 0]

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You use your mouth better than a $20 whore!!

Flexibility has its privileges.

[RhondaLea 4]

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There's a difference between physical affection and sex.

And some of us want both, in large quantities.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[RhondaLea 4]

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For some people, love and sex aren't tied together, but to say that's true for the majority flies in the face of every bit of research that's ever been done on the subject of sexuality.

Ideally, however, I wholeheartedly believe that one's own sexuality should be able to flourish and stand on its own, sans the choking weed root creep of love and other emotions. Let each bask in their own light: strong, self-preserving, and separate from each other.

You and Betty Dodson.

Y'know, there's nothing wrong with it and a whole lot right with it, but in the immortal words of Robert A. Heinlein, "it's lonely."

Sex was meant to be shared. Often.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[Thanatos340 1]

You Mean High Maintenance Right?

[SudsyFist 0]

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You and Betty Dodson.

Heh. Methinks you misunderstood me.

[ChrisL 2]

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So what you're saying is that you have the energy to work out seven days a week to keep yourself happy, but you don't have the energy to have sex 3 or 4 times a week to keep your wife happy.

Working out is a chore. I force myself to do it for the benefit it gives me.

Making love to my wife should not be a chore. I should do it when I feel
the deisre for it. Forcing the issue when I dont feel like it makes it into a chore and will eventually make the problem even worse.

I refuse to allow it to become a chore.

Lets see, today I have to take out the trash, clean the toilet, and have sex with my wife, after that I can relax and enjoy myself.

No thanks.

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I also saw that you think that being refused sex by ones partner should not affect ones self-esteem. Here's a clue: if your life partner doesn't want you, it's going to affect your self-esteem because the big question will be "Why not? What's wrong with me?"

There is a BIG difference between wanting to be with my lifes partner and wanting to have sex. As I stated many times already, they are unrelated.
If your man doesnt feel like having sex and your reaction is to think "Why not? What's wrong with me?"
then you are confusing issues. One is about love, the other is about your own low self esteem.
Its arrogant to automatically assume that it has anything to do with you at all. Not everything is about you. (This is a rhetorical "you" by the way)

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As for me, refusing sex is a clear indicator that a relationship is over. If I don't want to be touched in a sexual way, it's the big warning sign that whatever is wrong with the relationship can't be fixed.

For some people, love and sex aren't tied together, but to say that's true for the majority flies in the face of every bit of research that's ever been done on the subject of sexuality.

I think I stated quite clearly that physical intimacy can enhance and stimulate emotional imtimacy, but they are not directly linked.
One is a hormone driven physical compulsion, the other is an emotional state.

No studies that I am aware of have ever shown otherwise.

__

My mighty steed

[RhondaLea 4]

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You Mean High Maintenance Right?

Only when it comes to sex and physical affection.

I substitute those for dinners out, tchotchkes, vacations, and other such tangible goods, instead of the other way around.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb