When your ex gets engaged/married/has kids...

[BillyVance 35]

normiss

I think you missed the women's forum....




Meh, I could care less what any ex does.
My life rocks.
Fuck them.
Everyone else does.

Yep, except for my first GF (from high school) whom I still keep in touch with as a dear friend, the rest of them have been purged from my brain.

I do not give a fuck what they are doing or how their lives are. One of them did find me years later on facebook, and we were on the same group for a short time until I quit it. I just didn't care.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Krip 2]

JohnMitchell

***

Losing one set of parents is bad enough, but losing two is what it is.

It's good that you two are around to help her in her last days. I hope I'm that lucky.

John

You have 4 great kids and no telling how many grandkids that will take care of you and V during your golden years. Just like you did for them when they were growing up.

When some parents tell the boss and I we were so smart not to have kids. I want to slap them upside the head tell them they decided to have the kids (or sex) and stop the whining.

But I'm a nice guy and that wouldn't be PC. So

I look then in the eye with a straight face and tell that their kids will take care of them in their golden years. I don't understand why, but more parents than I care to admit roll their eyes and say sure.

One a happy note the boss will qualify for SS in ten yrs so the gov't will take care of us during our golden yrs .


R.

One Jump Wonder

[Nataly 38]

3mpire

I am that guy -- dated a girl for six plus years, broke up, picked up with a different girl and within two years we have a kid and are getting married. so from that perspective, I would say my best advice to you is to move on.

you're not doing yourself any favors by looking to the past. your ex is living in the present looking to the future, you should do the same. otherwise you might miss something that is right in front of you that is even better than before and not even know it.

but if you believe you'll never do better, you won't. avoid that trap and you'll be fine.

Ahhhh... Where to even begin???

Statistically it seems very probable that there are *plenty* of very suitable mates for me out there. There. I thought I'd clear that out of the way in case anyone thought I was "worried" I would never find one again...

Next, I don't believe that the only good thing is to look to the future... Good/bad things have happened in the past... The past affects the present/future, and to ignore that is to waste a lot of great opportunities to learn from your successes/failures.

I could miss something right in front of me that is even better?? Seriously?? I don't think you get just one chance at anything in life. You are constantly making decisions and you constantly have opportunities and even though some go by, others are yet to come. Sometimes a missed opportunity leads to a different opportunity and sometimes you get the opportunity and realise it's *not* what you imagined... I agree that dwelling on the past is not healthy, but I don't believe that one missed opportunity today will lead to MISERY for THE REST OF MY LIFE... EVERY choice you make separates you from some potentially suitable partners - and also statistically brings you closer to OTHER potentially suitable partners...

I'm not *worried* or even "looking" for someone "better". If it happens, great. If not, fine. I just happen to believe that it's statistically more probable that I won't feel that way again (if only because experience makes us feels emotions slightly less strongly with time). And that's neither a good or a bad thing - it just is. Christ, I think about how upsetting bullies used to be when I was a kid... If I got bullied now, it would simply not have the same DEVASTATING impact. And that's the way I feel about this... I don't think even if I found someone much better suited to me I would feel quite so deliriously in love as I did about a decade ago. Then again, maybe I would. Hard to say.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[davjohns 1]

I can honestly say that I wish every woman I have ever known the very best. My ex-wife was a travesty. But she had issues. I hope she is deliriously happy with her new husband. I hope he can somehow fulfill whatever needs that were going unfulfilled, he understands her completely, they have great sex, they have all the money they need, and every other good thing either of them might want.

I did the best I could in all of my relationships. I give them credit for doing what they could within their personal limitations. It didn't work out.

I'm not spending one second on the past unless it is to remember things that make me smile or taught me a valuable lesson.

Nataly - The unavoidable statistics for your future are very limited. 1) You will die. 2. You will get older. 3. Taxes. LOL But the future is not written. The future does not know your past, so how can it know what should happen statistically?

If you flip a coin 100 time and it comes up heads every time; do you know what the statistical probability is that it will come up heads again? It's still 50%. The coin has no idea how many times it has come up heads.

The future has no idea what has happened in your past. The two are connected only by you. And neither can see past you to view the other.

My two cents. Your mileage may vary.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[ryoder 1,590]

BillyVance

Yep, except for my first GF (from high school) whom I still keep in touch with as a dear friend, the rest of them have been purged from my brain.

I do not give a fuck what they are doing or how their lives are. One of them did find me years later on facebook, and we were on the same group for a short time until I quit it. I just didn't care.

I've heard that the universal complaint from Billy's ex-GF's was that he just wasn't a good listener.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[3mpire 0]

Quote

I'm not *worried* or even "looking" for someone "better". If it happens, great. If not, fine. I just happen to believe that it's statistically more probable that I won't feel that way again (if only because experience makes us feels emotions slightly less strongly with time). And that's neither a good or a bad thing - it just is. Christ, I think about how upsetting bullies used to be when I was a kid... If I got bullied now, it would simply not have the same DEVASTATING impact. And that's the way I feel about this... I don't think even if I found someone much better suited to me I would feel quite so deliriously in love as I did about a decade ago. Then again, maybe I would. Hard to say.

You won't feel exactly the same way because as you said your life experience has made you a different person. I would say having gone through a pregnancy, birth, and year of fatherhood that I am only now scratching the surface of what love truly is. I've learned that our capacity for love is not a static scale, and you are always a heartbeat away from unmeasurable highs and lows you previously could never comprehend.

This is not to discount the sincerity or authenticity of your feelings of delirious love, but I would be reticent to hold that as the high water mark. Such things are by their nature fleeting. So no, you will never feel that way again. You will just feel something different that by comparison will be exponentially more powerful.

Side note on the bully thing. When you see your one year old get cold cocked by an asshole two year old take the most intense feeling you had about a bully and multiply it by a large number. The universe of emotions is pretty big, but sometimes we only think about what we have explored to date

[dropdeded 0]

airdvr

The opposite of love isn't hate....it's indifference. You most likely still have feelings for your ex. Not unusual.

I heard the voice of your avatar pic when I read that...

------------------------------------------
The Dude Abides.
-

[lawrocket 3]

[Reply]I can honestly say that I wish every woman I have ever known the very best. My ex-wife was a travesty. But she had issues. I hope she is deliriously happy with her new husband. I hope he can somehow fulfill whatever needs that were going unfulfilled, he understands her completely, they have great sex, they have all the money they need, and every other good thing either of them might want.

I did the best I could in all of my relationships. I give them credit for doing what they could within their personal limitations. It didn't work out.

I'm not spending one second on the past unless it is to remember things that make me smile or taught me a valuable lesson.

[Nataly 38]

davjohns

The future has no idea what has happened in your past. The two are connected only by you. And neither can see past you to view the other.

The fact is that people's past inevitably affects their decisions/actions/reactions. That's all I'm saying. On that basis, your future is inextricably connected to your past.

Is a drug-addict more likely to fall back into addiction than someone who has never been an addict - hell yes. Because when presented with the opportunity to take drugs, the addict's brain knows what being high feels like whereas the other person can more easily dismiss it without a second thought. So presented with the same thing (ie: drugs), their past will affect the decision they make - it's not simply a yes/no 50/50 random result that will come out like flipping a coin...

As for "never having that feeling again"... I don't think that is so pessimistic of me. You know, even long-standing couples lose that "passion" over time (as the relationship grows, changes, matures, deepens, et cetera). And christ, it's not necessarily such a bad thing - if I fell deliriously in love every time I met a great guy, I would be an emotional wreck every time it didn't work out (and lots of relationships *don't* work out - even some good ones!).

I'm not revisiting the past and thinking "what if"... Nor am I thinking "doom and gloom" about my future... It is what it is. Something in my past that I don't think I will ever feel total indifference about (I'm not a robot!).

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

3mpire

You won't feel exactly the same way because as you said your life experience has made you a different person. I would say having gone through a pregnancy, birth, and year of fatherhood that I am only now scratching the surface of what love truly is. I've learned that our capacity for love is not a static scale, and you are always a heartbeat away from unmeasurable highs and lows you previously could never comprehend.

This is not to discount the sincerity or authenticity of your feelings of delirious love, but I would be reticent to hold that as the high water mark. Such things are by their nature fleeting. So no, you will never feel that way again. You will just feel something different that by comparison will be exponentially more powerful.

Side note on the bully thing. When you see your one year old get cold cocked by an asshole two year old take the most intense feeling you had about a bully and multiply it by a large number. The universe of emotions is pretty big, but sometimes we only think about what we have explored to date

Yup.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[BillyVance 35]

ryoder

***
Yep, except for my first GF (from high school) whom I still keep in touch with as a dear friend, the rest of them have been purged from my brain.

I do not give a fuck what they are doing or how their lives are. One of them did find me years later on facebook, and we were on the same group for a short time until I quit it. I just didn't care.

I've heard that the universal complaint from Billy's ex-GF's was that he just wasn't a good listener.

Fucker!

All the girls I dated have been either deaf or hard of hearing. Being with each of them has been a learning experience. I've been married to my wife for nearly 13 years, plus 2 years before saying "I do", and I'm still learning.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[normiss 895]

So we took a bunch of deaf fuckers on tandems last weekend.

My favorite - the one with the shirt that said "Not listening"

[davjohns 1]

***The fact is that people's past inevitably affects their decisions/actions/reactions. That's all I'm saying. On that basis, your future is inextricably connected to your past. ***

Yes. The past and the future are both connected to the person...but not each other. Your past effects your future just as much as you allow it to. I think the classic advice (idealistic as it may be) is, "Love like you've never been hurt". If that is possible, then you must be able to keep your past from controlling your future. Obviously, some people find this more difficult than others. But then, many people think jumping out of a plane would be nearly impossible for them...

One has to wonder if there is a correlation to be made.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[Nataly 38]

Zep

I would be funny if the one you currently whisper sweet nothings too
has an account here that you don't know about.

One of my ex's did that and nearly ripped me a new on over my rimming reply I made years ago.

I just saw this now for some reason!!

Nah. I don't post anything here that he would be surprised to read about (or hasn't actually read over my shoulder!!!). I think when you start sneaking around it's not only a lack of trust but also a lack of respect toward your partner. If it bit you in the arse because you wrote something on here you wouldn't have (or hadn't) said to her face, I'm not surprised she went ape-shit!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[BillyVance 35]

normiss

So we took a bunch of deaf fuckers on tandems last weekend.

My favorite - the one with the shirt that said "Not listening"

I've seen that before. He'd fit right in with us.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban