ZigZagMarquis 9 #1 October 13, 2013 http://www.nbcnews.com/health/london-firefighters-dont-put-your-penis-toaster-8C11375653 London firefighters: Don't put your penis in a toaster Bill Briggs, NBC News Facebook Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:16 AM ET London firefighters have launched a public shaming campaign to stem the rise of locals summoning urgent help to remove foreign objects stuck on — or inside — their bodies, but the kinky topic is so taboo in America some top U.S. emergency workers won’t discuss the behavior. Except in Los Angeles. Do you really want to call the fire department if you get a body part stuck in the wrong place? L.A. Fire Department medical director Dr. Marc Eckstein acknowledges that 911 operators do receive a small number of sexually bizarre rescue pleas and do dispatch ambulances, including instances in which they must assist men with heavy steel rings lodged around their private parts. In some of those scattered cases, Eckstein said, the firefighters, paramedics or emergency medical technicians use bolt cutters or, when necessary, the blazing torch of a plasma cutter to burn the rings off of the men’s penises. "They have to be careful because the plasma cutters cause a lot of heat and sparks," Eckstein said, adding he could not provide statistics on the number of such calls. He did emphasize, however, that the L.A. Fire Department receives high a number of other types of "inappropriate" 911 calls from local residents that tie up ambulances, fire trucks and personnel — resources that could otherwise be used for people in actual medical trouble. When contacted for comment, officials at other emergency agencies struggled to answer if — as in London — they have marked an uptick in the rate of 911 calls or ER visits from Americans with foreign objects wedged into their rectums or folks with sensitive body parts jammed into kitchen appliances or other embarrassing orifices. "I don’t have any statistics to that kind of claim or inquiry in New York City," said Frank Dwyer, a spokesman for the New York Fire Department. A spokeswoman for the National Association of EMS Physicians simply responded to the query with: “I’m just not sure where to go with this.” But in London, fire officials aren't holding their tongues about how they must perform tasks like freeing a man's penis from a vacuum cleaner. The London Fire Brigade has launched a public campaign dubbed "Fifty Shades of Red," theorizing that an increase in such randy rescue calls in that city is perhaps propelled by the popularity of the erotic romance novel "Fifty Shades of Grey." The campaign simply urges people in London — especially guys — to exercise more common sense before inserting their manhood into gadgets made for cooking or cleaning. The brigade reports that it responded to 416 stuck-body-part calls in 2010-11, another 441 in 2011-12 and 453 in 2012-13. Among those emergency requests for assistance, 79 people were wearing handcuffs they could not remove. To help fuel the agency's gentle request to just stop doing these things, the brigade has added a dose of public shaming, often taking to Twitter to share some of these ambulance requests from people who have become oddly entangled. Like this couple: "A woman rang to get help for her husband, who was locked in a titanium chastity belt. Keep those keys handy!" #fiftyshadesofred #nonemergency And like this man: Top tip from us today: don’t put your penis in a toaster. Read our most unusual incidents here: http://bit.ly/12wXndi #FiftyShadesofRed CBS late night talk show host David Letterman heard about the issue and decided Wednesday to dedicate a top 10 list to "Thoughts Going Through The Mind Of The Guy Who Had Sex With A Toaster." "Boy, I mean I can think of maybe a dozen things around the house I'd pick before the toaster, just off the top of my head," Letterman said. "But that's just me. I mean, everybody has different tastes." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrDom 0 #2 October 13, 2013 Good advice ...You are not the contents of your wallet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #3 October 13, 2013 One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #4 October 13, 2013 JohnMitchell One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #5 October 13, 2013 turtlespeed ***One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? Pervert."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #6 October 13, 2013 ryoder ******One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? Pervert.I was asking for a friend.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingRhenquest 1 #7 October 13, 2013 Well how am I supposed to toast my penis, then?!I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #8 October 13, 2013 FlyingRhenquestWell how am I supposed to toast my penis, then?! You could use one of these. Bring more if you have friends cumming with you.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZigZagMarquis 9 #9 October 13, 2013 turtlespeed ***One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flygirl1220 0 #10 October 13, 2013 How many remember Tyler from this skit? http://screen.yahoo.com/amy-poehler-snl-skits/appalachian-emergency-room-no-time-000000803 I may have had him as a patient once Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZigZagMarquis 9 #11 October 13, 2013 turtlespeed ***One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? How you know that Turtle has been humping your toaster. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyingRhenquest 1 #12 October 13, 2013 turtlespeed***Well how am I supposed to toast my penis, then?! You could use one of these. Bring more if you have friends cumming with you. Where has THAT been all my life?! O.oI'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #13 October 13, 2013 turtlespeed Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? Not plugged in?? Then what's the point? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #14 October 14, 2013 Several years ago, there was a weatherman on a local t.v. station here in West Texas, who had gone to the emergency ward to get a gerbil removed from his butt. Seems, the little critter broke out of the balloon and was tearin'-up the maze. The last I heard, the weather guy moved to Austin and got a t.v. job where weirdness is more accepted. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #15 October 14, 2013 JohnMitchell *** Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? Not plugged in?? Then what's the point?Keeps the smell down.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #16 October 14, 2013 My boyfriend went to visit his friend when he was working in London... At the time, the guy was flat-sharing with a bunch of girls... They all thought my bf was so sweet until a couple of weeks later they saw the pictures of some of their drunken antics and one of the exclaimed in horror: "oh my god, did he put his willy in our toaster???" "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GooniesKid 0 #17 October 14, 2013 ryoder ******One of the posters on here is an ER doc. He's got some great stories for around the bonfire. Wait . . . is it OK when its not plugged in? Pervert.I prefer warm apple pie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 334 #18 October 14, 2013 Seems like a Salamander Broiler would be more appropriate. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #19 October 14, 2013 masterrigSeveral years ago, there was a weatherman on a local t.v. station here in West Texas, who had gone to the emergency ward to get a gerbil removed from his butt. Seems, the little critter broke out of the balloon and was tearin'-up the maze. The last I heard, the weather guy moved to Austin and got a t.v. job where weirdness is more accepted. Chuck Seems that same thing has happened to weathermen all over the country. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #20 October 14, 2013 david3***Several years ago, there was a weatherman on a local t.v. station here in West Texas, who had gone to the emergency ward to get a gerbil removed from his butt. Seems, the little critter broke out of the balloon and was tearin'-up the maze. The last I heard, the weather guy moved to Austin and got a t.v. job where weirdness is more accepted. Sure makes you wonder! Chuck Chuck Seems that same thing has happened to weathermen all over the country. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #21 October 15, 2013 Nataly : "oh my god, did he put his willy in our toaster???" "More jam for your toast?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #22 October 15, 2013 For the record, I did not insert it into the toaster intentionally. I just happened to be vacuuming the ceiling, while sitting naked (it was at night!) on my partner's shoulders (she couldn't find a ladder in the middle of the night), while we were preparing a late-night bagel, when she thought that she saw a gerbil on the floor (not in anyone's rectum). I was accidentally getting strangled by the vacuum cord around my neck, which caused an unpleasant erection. Then the gerbil (it was really only a dust bunny from the vacuum) scared her, so the whole thing collapsed, and I fell painfully onto the counter where the already heated toaster just happened to be positioned, and I observed that the bagel landed on the floor, cream-cheese side down, when the searing pain from the toaster's innards suddenly hit me. This caused my partner to attempt to wrench the toaster off my willie, but that jammed it up good (though, not with actual jam. Or cream cheese.) And so this was a legitimate accident, and not a waste of emergency services.Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #23 October 16, 2013 One of my favorite scenes from Family Guy: "Hello, 911?" "It's Quagmire again." "Yeah. It's stuck in the window this time."I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
