A new era of (virtual) relationships??

[RiggerLee 61]

Returning to your original question.

First off I must point out that I don't have direct experience with any of this never having been a part of the dating thing but standing on the out side of all of this I've had the opportunity to do a lot of people watching.

I'm not sure that this is really a bad thing. Our lives can be really small. I mean that in the since of the number of people we know. In the grand scheme of things, how many people do you really know or interact with? The people that you work with? As the most extreme example, think about a drop zone. The old joke, you don't lose your girl friend, you lose your turn. It's like you're trapped inside this microcosm with just a couple hundred people in your whole universe. If you set around long enough watching "As the Prop Turns" you see all the same characters pairing up, breaking up, trading partners, and starting all over again. And they are all trapper there together. There is no escape.

I remember one indecent. I was on the floor talking to one of the other packers, She had been around the dropzone for years, and she was freaking out. There were no less then eight of her former lovers there packing on the floor with her at the same time, and I think a ninth was up on a load. It was a boogie or event or some thing and every one showed up on the same day. Half of these guys didn't even live in the same state any more.

It's not really healthy. I don't know what the word would be, insestues, In breading... It's like why dating close colleagues at work is a bad idea. You're just too close. If you have a nasty breakup it's hard to have to show up, smile, and work with that person every day.

So I think the fundamental idea of internet dating is potentially a good idea. Expanding the boundaries of your world is not a bad thing. But it's up to you how you use it. You are responsible for how you treat people, whether it's in person or on line. Your behavior is all on you and is a product of your fundamental character. If as a society the nature of that character has changed over the years I think it says more about our society then it does about the medium.

Lee

Lee
lee@velocitysportswear.com
www.velocitysportswear.com

[nigel99 589]

It's interesting. After a few crazies I decided that internet dating is not for me. Tinder is not dating I've found women on tinder to be generally dishonest. Because I travel I will occasionally go on Tinder and will put the truth (for example I am in the USA for a week). I found quite a few matches who had 'serious relationship only, not here for hookups'. Well I've had a few 'serious relationships' that lasted a couple of days as a result - lol. Don't get me wrong, one trip relationship/hookup was amazing. We hung out a lot, I got a tour guide with similar interests, she got to spend the week staying in nice hotels. At the end we said good bye and that was it.

But I've made a conscious decision to spend time DOING things that I enjoy and one day I hope I'll find a woman that I click with and end up in a relationship with, but I'm not going to chase a relationship.

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[Nataly 38]

I agree that the internet puts you into contact with people outside of your immediate circle of work colleagues/friends/family... That is for sure part of the appeal at first... Because I am busy and do a lot of activities but I don't meet a lot of new people...

And sometimes I am happy with a guilt and responsibility-free hook up, and it's great for that too...

But oh my gosh you need to filter out A LOT of very unsuitable people... Some because you are simply not compatible... But more often because they are just plain scary...

It's a minefield...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[RiggerLee 61]

I never understood why women were so skittish till I met a couple at the drop zone. They had a history of bad/abusive relationships. Attracted them like magnets. Oddly it was mutual. They seemed to be drawn to the one person in the room that would fuck them up worse then any other and these guys could smell them from a distance like a shark smells blood.

My point is that I never would have conceived of how many assholes are out there or how bad relationships could become. Until I watched this I never knew how predatory some guys can be. It was to the point that it freaked me out. Lessening to these guys actually frightened me a couple of times. What do you do when you meet some one who's a potential rapist?

But if these people taken from a random group represent a certain percentage of the population that should be a fixed number. The concentration should be higher in any hunting ground. A singles bar could in theory be a dangerous place. Is the internet any different? It's essentially a bigger singles bar. And if it's dangerous because it's anonymous then that actually makes it some what safer as well. You can't get ruffyed through a terminal. You have the ability to spend time getting to know them. A lot more time then you would have before making a decision in a bar. A serial killer might be able to hold a straight face for an hour till the bar closes. But you could spend weeks feeling him out on line. A lot more opportunity to get a read on him with your radar. And when you do meet it can be in public and it's not like you have to be alone. It just seems to me that in theory the internet, if used properly, could be safer for women then hanging out in bars and walking across a dark parking lot to their car.

The original question was more about cultural changes, politeness, curtisy on the internet. I think it relates more to changes in the value system of our overall society. At first I thought it might be in relation to population density. Big city, if your rude to some one you'll never have to see them again. The internet being the biggest city. But that's a cop out. Their are societies that have gone the other way. Japan as an example, has always had high population density and was an extremely polite culture. I think that's broken down a bit recently. It may be that they have hit their threshold but I think it's more about contamination to their society. I think these changes are more related to a sort of degeneration in the moral societal structure. If you look at changes in our entertainment you kind of see a reflection of what is tolerated. Once apon a time Leave it to Beaver was pushing the envelope. Now they are not even faking the sex in main stream movies. They brag about it. And they digitally merge under age actors heads onto porn stars fucking on screen. Computer generated kiddy porn on the big screen in main stay movies. Had to look it up on Wikipedia to see how they got away with it. When I saw that on net flix I was shocked, No way can that be legal.

I think behavior on the internet is just a reflection of this It's a reflection of our society. It might be one of those trick mirrors that magnify the image but every thing you see is really there.

Lee

Lee
lee@velocitysportswear.com
www.velocitysportswear.com

[Nataly 38]

Just one small point... On the internet, you have the ability to cast your net much wider... You can converse with *several* people at the same time - something that would be difficult in a bar (for example). It therefore allow predators to catch more prey.

Another minor (but related) point: you don't get a good feel for a person online at all. Not until you take steps to meet them for real. And even then, it can be hard to get an "accurate" reading - especially as some of these guys (and presumably girls) go on a lot of dates and can become very skilled at bluffing their way through conversations...

All this artifice has made dating/relationships trickier than it used to be, IMO.

I heard (or maybe read) somewhere that the number one fear that men have from using Tinder is that the woman they meet will turn out to be uglier/fatter than her pictures... And the number one fear of women?? Meeting a serial killer... Kinda tells you something, doesn't it??!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ryoder 1,590]

Nataly

I heard (or maybe read) somewhere that the number one fear that men have from using Tinder is that the woman they meet will turn out to be uglier/fatter than her pictures... And the number one fear of women?? Meeting a serial killer... Kinda tells you something, doesn't it??!

Yes, since serial killers are a hell of a lot more scarce than fat women, the men are far more likely to have their fears come true.

Back when I used POF, I learned that the rule for womens photos was that they had been taken ~40 pounds ago.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Nataly 38]

ryoder

***
I heard (or maybe read) somewhere that the number one fear that men have from using Tinder is that the woman they meet will turn out to be uglier/fatter than her pictures... And the number one fear of women?? Meeting a serial killer... Kinda tells you something, doesn't it??!

Yes, since serial killers are a hell of a lot more scarce than fat women, the men are far more likely to have their fears come true.

Back when I used POF, I learned that the rule for womens photos was that they had been taken ~40 pounds ago.



Well, it may be a more probable outcome, but the point is the risks are not the same...

ETA - I look *exactly* like my pictures In fact, I tend to add one or two choice ones where I look pretty horrible!!! Lolol! I've had more than one person say I look better in person! (Weeds out the guys looking for a Barbie doll... I *can* dress up and look pretty, but I am mostly a tomboy )

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss