Funny Story

[RhondaLea 4]

I know some of you guys don't read the Bonfire, but Walt is on a roll, and this is hilarious:

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1965638#1965638

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[DexterBase 1]

Oh man, that is a good one. Katie laughed her ass off as I read it to her. Remind anyone of similar situations? I know it does for me.

[460 0]

Ahh... the memories. That was a great experience. And there are so many more.

Looks like a death sandwich without the bread - Steve Deadman Morrell, BASE 174

[460 0]

One note about the funny story, was referencing my BASE mentor Steve Morrell. I miss Steve, RIP... Check out the close calls list. It's truly impressive.

http://home.triad.rr.com/bmorrell/steve/

The picture is of my BASE mentor Steve doing his first cliff jump... From Black Canyon no less. Perhaps the most intimidating cliff site I know of.

Major Stephen A. Morrell (USAF) was a pioneer in many area's of skydiving, including CRW and BASE jumping. These photos of an early base jump he made in Black Canyon, Colorado were found after his death. On the back of the first, Steve had written the following quote:
"What kind of man would live a life without daring?
Is life so sweet that we should criticize men that seek adventure?
Is there a better way to die?"
Charles Lindberg August 26th, 1938


Close call list:
Steve's close call list.
Steve compiled this list a few years before his death, so it is short several close calls, including one just a week before the freak accident that finally claimed him beneath a perfectly fine, open chute...
Forgive the all caps, he was an aol'er to the end....

HERE'S THE ONES I CAN REMEMBER, THOUGH I'M SURE I'M
LEAVING A LOT OUT :

1983 to 1994 -- 21 DECLARED EMERGENCIES IN MILITARY JETS
(NEVER HAVE HAD TO DECLARE AN EMERGENCY IN A NORTHWEST BIRD)
THESE INCLUDED 4 ENGINE FAILURES, ONE OF WHICH WAS OVER 1000
MILES FROM THE NEAREST PIECE OF LAND WAY OUT OVER THE POND
AND COMBINED WITH A SERIOUS FUEL LEAK IN ONE OF MY EXTENDED
RANGE TANKS, IT ALSO INCLUDES 4 ENGINE FIRES ONE OF WHICH
I WAS UNABLE TO EXTINGUISH BY FIRING BOTH FIRE BOTTLES OFF.
ONE OF THE OTHER FIRES WAS RIGHT AFTER TAKING OFF IN A BAD
SANDSTORM WITH 35 KNOT WINDS AND VISIBILITY AT 1/2 MILE (MADE
FOR A SPORTY EMERGENCY RETURN AFTER I SHUT IT DOWN AND FIRED
THE BOTTLE). MOST OF THE OTHER EMERGENCIES INCLUDED
HYDRAULIC FAILURES, ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS, AND FLIGHT CONTROL
MALFUNCTIONS (ONE OF THEM WAS A MULTIPLE - WHICH ISN'T
GOOD.) THE MOST EXCITING ONE WAS DURING THE WAR WHEN I
LANDED A BIRD HEAVILY LOADED WITH AMMO WITH NO BRAKES OR
SPOILERS (JUST REVERSERS) BECAUSE WE HAD LOST 2 of 3
HYDRAULIC SYSTEMS, HAD A MAJOR ELECTRICAL FIRE (AND ALL THE
PROBLEMS THAT GO WITH THAT)I THICK SMOKE AND MISTING
HYDRAULIC FLUID (WHICH IS HIGHLY FLAMMABLE - PLEASE NOTE
ELECTRICAL FIRE MENTIONED ABOVE) AND AN UNSAFE GEAR
INDICATION ON THE LEFT MAIN). GOT A NICE MEDAL FOR THAT
ONE.


1975 to 1994
MADE OVER 1600 FREEFALL PARACHUTE JUMPS FROM AIRPLANES,
GLIDERS AND HOT AIR BALLOONS, THIS INCLUDED NUMEROUS LOW
PULLS (MOST INTENTIONAL) OPENING BELOW A GRAND AT TERMINAL.
ONE OF WHICH WAS A LOW PULL GETTING CANOPY AT 200 FT RIGHT
OVER THE HANGAR AT 175 FT PER SECOND, GREAT RUSHR I GOT IT
ON VIDEO IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE IT. ITS HOT, IF
NOT A LITTLE STUPID. I ALSO HAVE AN INTENTIONAL JUMP FROM
AN AIRCRAFT A 240 FT (ALSO ON VIDEO). ON AIRPLANE JUMPS
I'VE USED MY RESERVE CHUTE 19 TIMES, BAG LOCKSR STREAMERS,
LINEOVERS, BLOWN CANOPIES, PILOT CHUTES IN TOW, YOU NAME IT
AND I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH IT AT SOME TIME OR ANOTHER. I
SURVIVED A MEDIUM SPEED (ABOUT 40 - 5OMPH) IMPACT WITH THE
GROUND IN 1979 WITH ONLY A BROKEN BACK, I ALSO HAD A
PARTICULARLY NASTY TREE LANDING IN 1977 THAT I CAME OUT OF
WITH ONLY SCRATCHES, ON ANOTHER JUMP IN 1982 I LANDED OVER
A MILE OUT IN THE ATLANTIC (IN FEB !) WITH NO FLOTATION
GEAR, NO BOAT WAITING OR LOOKING, AND PROMPTLY GOT TANGLED
IN MY GEAR TRYING TO SAVE IT. A 17 YEAR OLD SURFER FINALLY
RESCUED ME AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT, A LITTLE SIDENOTE
HERER I TRAINED HIM TO JUMP OUT OF GRATITUDE AND PAID FOR
HIS FIRST SEVERAL JUMPS. SHORTLY AFTERWARD HE MOVED TO
OHIO AND MET A GIRL AT A PARACHUTE CENTER THERE, MARRIED
HERT AND NOW THEY HAVE A KID, THAT I FEEL WAS MY DOING IN A
ROUNDABOUT WAY. I MEAN, IF I HADN'T ALMOST DROWNED THEN HE
COULDN'T HAVE SAVED ME, WOULDN'T HAVE LEARNED TO JUMP AND
WOULD NEVER HAVE MET HIS WIFE AND HAD THE KID, COOL HUH?

FATE WORKS TN STRANGE WAYS. THERE ARE NUMEROUS LITTLE THINGS
THAT HAPPENED OVER THE YEARS JUMPING THAT COULD HAVE GOT ME
BUT DIDN'T. PEOPLE DEPLOYING THEIR CHUTES UNDER ME,
PARTICULARLY UGLY OR DIFFICULT MALFUNCTIONS AT THE WORST
POSSIBLE TIME, AND SOME THAT ARE KINDA COMPLEX TO EXPLAIN
HERE.

1982 to 1994
B.A.S.E. OR FIXED OBJECT JUMPING FROM LOW ALTITUDE Buildings, Antennas,
Spans (BRIDGES), AND Earth (CLIFFS).
I'VE MADE ABOUT 80 SOMETHING BASE JUMPS ALL OF WHICH WERE
HAIRY BECAUSE OF THE LOW ALTITUDES INVOLVED (USUALLY JUMPING
FROM UNDER 700 FT AND MANY IN THE 200 - 300 ft RANGE) IN
AIRPLANE JUMPING I'VE ONLY LOST A FEW FRIENDS AND WATCHED
FOUR PEOPLE TAKE IT ALL THE WAY IN. BASE JUMPING IS A LOT
MORE RISKY AND I'VE LOST EIGHT FRIENDS IN THE SPORT WATCHING
SEVERAL OF THEM GO IN UP CLOSE. I DON'T KNOW OF ANY OTHER
BASE JUMPER THAT HAS SUCCESSFULLY USED HIS RESERVE MORE THAN
ONCE ON A BASE JUMP BUT I'VE DONE IT NOW THREE TIMES NOW AND
ALMOST DIED ON EACH (PROBABLY A 50/50 COMBINATION OF LUCK
AND SKILL). THE ODD THING IS THAT FOR MOST OF MY BASE JUMPS
I HAVEN'T EVEN WORN A RESERVE SINCE THERE IS SO LITTLE TIME
TO USE IT IS USUALLY MOOT, GUESS I CHOSE THE RIGHT ONES TO
WEAR IT ON. THE FIRST TIME I USED A RESERVE ON A BASE JUMP
(1985) AFTER A PILOT CHUTE IN TOW IT OPENED AT 100 FT AND I
LANDED IN A RIVER AND GOT WRAPPED AND PINNED UP AGAINST A
ROCK WITH JUST MY HEAD OUT OF THE WATER AND WAS RESCUED
BEFORE I WAS PULLED UNDER, THE SECOND TIME (SAME BRIDGE BUT
IN 1986) I HAD A SIMILAR ACCIDENT AT NIGHT AND ENDED UP WITH
A MAIN AND RESERVE BOTH OUT, OPENING AT 50 OR SO FEET. THE
ALMOST INSTANT SPLASHDOWN TOOK ME RIGHT INTO THE RAPIDS
SMACKING MY HEAD INTO A ROCK SO HARD IT SPLIT MY HELMET AND
PUSHED ONE OF MY TEETH THROUGH THE SKIN JUST BELOW THE LIP
AND THEN PINNED ME UNDER WATER SEVERAL TIMEST THE LAST TIME
FOR ALMOST TWO MINUTES (WHICH SEEMS LIKE A LOT LONGER WHEN
YOU CAN'T BREATHE) THE NEXT TIME I HAD TO USE A RESERVE ON
A BASE JUMP WAS AFTER DOING A LONG DELAY OFF THE TOP OF HALF
DOME IN YOSEMITE. A SPINNING MALFUNCTION AT LOW ALTITUDE
CLOSE TO THE FACE AND I MADE THE DECISION TO GO FOR THE
RESERVE RATHER THAN BE MAIMED ON IMPACT INTO THE ROCKY
TALUS. I CHOPPED MY MAIN AND DEPLOYED THE RESERVE AT THE
SAME TIME AND GOT RESERVE OPENING AND IMPACT ON A ROCK LEDGE
LESS THAN A SECOND APART. I CRACKED ONE OF MY LEFT RIBS
AND SPRAINED MY FOOT AS I IMPACTED THE LEDGE WHICH WAS ABOUT
15 FT WIDE. AFTER AN 8 HOUR HIKE TO THE TOP IT TOOK ME 9
MORE HOURS TO GET BACK DOWN TRYING TO EVADE THE COPS, AS IT
TURNED OUT I GOT ARRESTED ANYWAY FOR "UNAUTHORIZED AERIAL
DELIVERY OF A PERSON WITHOUT A PERMIT" AND "CREATING AND
MAINTAINING A HAZARDOUS CONDITION". EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS
LATER I BEAT IT IN COURT. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF OUR LEGAL
SYSTEM - YOU CAN BE GUILTY AS SIN BUT IF YOU THROW ENOUGH
MONEY AT THE PROBLEM YOU WILL ALWAYS END UP NOT GUILTY (IF
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME JUST ASK OJ SIMPSON), ON ANOTHER BASE
JUMP I WAS JUMPING A 2000 FT TV TOWER WITH JOHN OWENS AND MY
CHUTE OPENED BACKWARDS INTO THE STRUCTURE AND I WAS BARELY
ABLE TO MISS THE TOWER BY STALL TURNING TO THE LEFT. LUCKY
FOR ME I HAD OPENED AT A GAP IN THE GUIDE WIRES OR I
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT, A QUARTER OF A SECOND
SOONER OR LATER ON MY FREEFALL DELAY AND I WOULDN'T HAVE
BEEN SO LUCKY, ON MY INFAMOUS CLIFF JUMP IN SAUDI ARABIA IN
1988 (A NICE WALL I'D DONE SEVERAL MONTHS EARLIER
SUCCESSFULLY) MY CHUTE OPENED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE WALL
ALMOST 180 DEGREES OFF HEADING. THE IMPACT BROKE TWO BONES
IN EACH FOOT. LUCKILY I WAS WEARING KNEEPLATES, ELBOW
PLATES, AND A HELMET. MY KNEES AND HEAD TOOK HARD HITS ALSO
BUT THEY DIDN'T BREAK THANKS TO WEARING PROTECTION. 80% OF
HEAD ON CLIFF STRIKES ARE FATAL SO I WAS PRETTY LUCKY
(PREPARED I'D PREFER TO SAY). THIS HAPPENED WAY OUT IN THE
DESERT AND IT TOOK MY FRIEND SEVEN HOURS TO CARRY ME OUT OF
THE DESERT AND TWO AND A HALF MORE TO GET ME TO A SAUDI
HOSPITAL. AH YES, FOND MEMORIES OF THAT DAY. THE GOOD
THING WAS THAT I WAS ONE WEEK FROM SHIPPING BACK STATESIDE
TO CHARLESTON AIR FORCE BASE AND THE AIR FORCE HAD ALREADY
GIVEN ME MY TICKETS. I WAS GOING TO LONDON ON THE 20th TO
JUMP SOME BUILDINGS THERE AND CONTINUING TO THE STATES ON
PAN AM FLIGHT 103 ON THE 21st, OF COURSE I MISSED IT SINCE
I WAS AIR EVACed TO A MILITARY HOSPITAL IN GERMANY TO HAVE
MY FEET REBUILT WITH STAINLESS STEEL PINS AND SCREWS. AN
ODD FOOTNOTE TO THIS, IF I HAD BEEN ON THE FLIGHT I ALWAYS
TAKE MY PARACHUTE AS CARRY ON BAGGAGE. I FIGURE THEY HAD
OVER A MINUTE FROM THE EXPLOSION TO IMPACT. I CAN PUT A
CHUTE ON TN 20 SECONDS, EVEN IN THE DARK. YOU NEVER KNOW I
COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONLY SURVIVOR, WOULDN'T THAT HAVE
CAUSED SOME SUSPICION - THE ONLY SURVIVOR IS RETURNING FROM
THE MIDDLE EAST AND JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE A CHUTE WITH HIM


1983 DAVE FOX (HE FLIES FOR DELTA NOW) AND I CAME REAL
CLOSE TO HAVING A MIDAIR AS STUDENT PILOTS DOING FORMATION
ACROBATICS IN MISSISSIPPI.


1985 VERY NASTY THUNDERSTORM ENCOUNTER IN THE PACIFIC

1988 EVEN WORSE THUNDERSTORM ENCOUNTER IN WESTERN SAUDI
ARABIA. MY COPILOT AND I BOTH ENDED UP WITH BRUISES
FROM BEING THROWN AGAINST OUR SHOULDER HARNESSES.


1991 SURVIVED TWO SCUD ATTACKS WHILE UNLOADING CARGO AND
FUELING UP,

1992 BARELY MISSED HITTING MOUNTAIN WHILE BEING
VECTORED BY RUSSIAN CONTROLLERS IN TAJEKISTAN (SP?)

1994 JUMP TEAM ACCIDENT - SHATTERED LEFT LEG AND ANKLE

1994 HEAD ON WITH THE 18 WHEELER - TWO BROKE RIBS


MISC TRIVIA-- TOTAL BONES BROKEN - 10
-- PIECES OF HARDWARE HOLDING ME TOGETHER - 12
-- BAD SPRAINS TO MY RIGHT FOOT - 4
-- BAD SPRAINS TO MY LEFT FOOT - 3
-- TOTAL NUMBER OF SPEEDING TICKETS - 42
-- NUMBER OF STITCHES - LOST COUNT

WELL I THIS TOOK LONGER THAN I THOUGHT (BAD SIGN, HUH?)
GIVE ME A CALL. IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU AGAIN,

PARTY TIL IMPACT,
STEVE

PS - NO TIME FOR A SPELL CHECKF SO PLEASE DON'T MARK IT
UP WITH RED INK OR NOTHING

Looks like a death sandwich without the bread - Steve Deadman Morrell, BASE 174