BounceProof BASE Course

[RayLosli 11]

>Let me say again I am sorry for taking that first approach in safe training.
It was Wrong and very misinformed by my teachers.
From now on things are going to change around here.
I now have a Partner. That is right, Folks
This is totally on the level no B.S.
I, Ray Losli & BASE 587 are giving a first jump course.
Ray and Spence No Bounce, School of BASE
>This is not a joke<
We discussed this and we both agree that we can pull this off.
We have well over 1150 base jumps between us.
Never mind the years of Skydiving we have. That does not count for squat.

---once again this is serious, we are not joking---

Ray and Spence no Bounce, school of BASE
No Canopy exsperience required
We will take Man, Woman or Child.
You need to sign our 16 page wavier.
Sign over all Video Rights to us.
Have your own BASE specific Rig.
>Have the feeling that you can do this, thats all you need.
And a small Fee. to cover expenses.

Just Trust Us and you instincts.

home phone... 1-503-640-9686 U.S.A.
home e-mail.... yoda99@bigplanet.com

You Can Do This

thanks... Ray and BASE 587
Be Safe

[RayLosli 11]

Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE Course

We have our 1st Student Mail us this morning.
To inquire about....
Ray And Spenser Bounce Proof, BASE Course
Mr. N. Nitro told me that he already had 10 BASE jumps.
I Explained to him that he sounded a little over Qualified
with Canopy exsperience.
I could sense the Disappointment in him typing.

--But Dammit We Aim To Please !---
He is now checking his busy schedual to make arrangements,
and will be getting back to us shortly.

Thanks... Ray Losli
Be Safe

[RayLosli 11]

We had another inquiry to.....
Ray and Spence Bounce proof, BASE course

This was from a Mr. Hookitt
He told us that he had 230 BASE jumps
I told him that he was definatly over Qualified
And most likely Tainted with, Evil Skydive Canopy control habits.

I and the Staff reviewed his application thoroughly.
I will be hard to teach an Old Dog new tricks, but
our Main Goal is....
Customer Satisfaction.

BASE 587 being raised in liberal Canada, and
a little soft in the disciplinary department soon
gave in to my line of thinking.

We will, Rap Mr. Hookitt on the Knuckles of his pull hand
With a Heavy Stick, every time we see him Revert back to
Old, Bad, Skydive Canopy control flight habits.
It will be a challenge but should do the trick.

thank you....Ray Losli
Be Safe

[RayLosli 11]

Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE course

>Dear... Mr. Johnny Utah
We are sorry to inform you that we cannot accept your application.
We feel that even though you are highly skilled,and well rounded BASE jumper,
and I have learned a couple of usefull BASE skills from you over the years.
It would be impossible for our staff to help you.
Let alone teach you anything.
Your 4000 + Skydives would prove to large of an obstacle for us.
Your Skydive Canopy skills would go against all that we are trying to accomplish.
Once again thank you.

thanks you...Ray Losli
Be Safe

[TomAiello 26]

Ok, this just had me rolling. I think it deserves it's own thread.

Dear Bounce Proof:

I would like to apply for your course. I have previously been rejected for the "Harden up, Tiger" BASE course, also taught in the pacific northwest. My application for that course was rejected as it was felt that it would be impossible for me to ever harden up sufficiently. Please take this into consideration in my application for the Bounce Proof BASE course.

I have three or four skydives, but none since July of last year. I'm also a little vague on that packing stuff, and tend to just use my canopies without packing them.

Please consider me for your course. I promise to make you proud.

-- Tom Aiello

Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com
SnakeRiverBASE.com

[skydiverek 63]

What is the point of this whole thread and what is going on???

[Dd0g 0]

Am I overqualified if I fly into a building and break my ribs? Or is that a good sign that I need to find an instructor? Just wonderin'. . .

D-d0g

+~+~+~+~
But this, surely, was the glory that no spirits, canine or human, had ever clearly seen, the light that never was on land or sea, and yet is glimpsed by the quickened mind everywhere.

[skreamer 1]

  Quote

This was from a Mr. Hookitt
He told us that he had 230 BASE jumps
I told him that he was definatly over Qualified
And most likely Tainted with, Evil Skydive Canopy control habits.

Dear Mr. Losli

Unfortunately I've been accepting advice from the Mr. Hookitt above for some time now (unfortunately he had the bad habit of replying to ALL my questions). I now accept that he had no business telling me diddly squat. Even those times he referred me to more experienced riggers he obviously had no idea what he was talking about.

Is it too late for me to be saved?

Please advise.

Will

PS I'm sorry about buying the accuracy rig and actually skydiving with it - my bad.

[RayLosli 11]

What is the point of this whole thread and what is going on???

Ray And Spence Bounce proof, BASE course.

Dear Mr.... Skydiverek
It is OK that you do not understand.
I, being the Spawn of my white trash public school system.
Myself did not understand until recently that using
Sarcastic, Satire combined with the power of Communication provided by
a on-line BASE talk forum is a useful tool in getting
my point of view across.

Mr. Skydiverek. Here at the Ray and Spence, Bounce Proof F.J.C
we do have a minimal standard of intelligence we are looking for in our students.
With the most sincerity.
We have researched some of your past posts on BaseZone and we like
your short,strait forward type of Q and A
That goes a long way hear at our Bounce proof F.J.C
Your past post's do not dribble on paragraph after paragraph
Page after page, like droning writings of a bad novel, written in the shadows
behind closed doors of a gay bathhouse.

BASE 587 and I would really like you to Please consider putting your application in to
Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE F.J.C.

thank you... Ray Losli & Spence, BASE 587
Be Safe

[RayLosli 11]

Ray And Spence Bounce Proof, BASE course

Dear Mr. Aiello
We would like to apologize for our delay in getting to your application.
You can understand our predickement here, you being a high profile applicant
We have unexpectedly been flooded with applications, and will be processing your Application very shortly.
Would you please send our home office e-mail your total number of skydives.
That will help in speeding up the process.

Thank you for your patience...
Ray and Spence
Be Safe

[RayLosli 11]

it too late for me to be saved?

Please advise.

Will

Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, Base Course

Dear Mr. ...Screamer
That is between you and your Maker.
I have jumped with Mr. Hookitt and God save you if those
Bad Canopy habits have rubbed off on you.

Ray and Spence
Be safe

[RayLosli 11]

I would like to apply for your course. I have previously been rejected for the "Harden up, Tiger" BASE course, also taught in the pacific northwest. My application for that course was rejected as it was felt that it would be impossible for me to ever harden up sufficiently. Please take this into consideration in my application for the Bounce Proof BASE course.

I have three or four skydives, but none since July of last year. I'm also a little vague on that packing stuff, and tend to just use my canopies without packing them.

Please consider me for your course. I promise to make you proud.
..........................................................................

Ray and Spence Bounce proof, BASE Course.

Dear Mr... Aiello
Living as a BASE social recluse, separatist and never having logged on to any BASE talk forum at that time.
I was not aware that you had been refused acceptance for the Harden up BASE course.
Having seen a couple of student go through his course though. I can see Dwain's point.
I only had a few hundred BASE jumps at the time and was barely staying alive myself with Dwain's Influence.
We did see Eye to Eye on certain ideas, and that was not easy, being that I had to stoop somewhat, in height
to talk to him face to face.
...But Fear Not !!!
That is not what our Bounce Proof F.J.C is about.
Three or Four Skydives is pushing it but is acceptable.
No Skydives in the past year is an impressive claim.
Your canopy skills I have seen in the past make that statement non-refutable.

BASE 587, told me he did not sleep a wink today, before his shift at the Hospital tonight.
The fear of your possible rejection from, Bounce Proof F.J.C... He was almost in tears.
He would certainly kill me if I told you this but, He absolutely worships you as a
BASE, God and never ending wealth of BASE information, also your witty banter on your post's
puts a never ending smile on his face.

This was not an easy job laid before us when your application came in.
You being a high profile BASE Jumper and in a position of Power.
I suggested a Three jump, Student probation period to make sure that we were not
getting over our heads on this one. Spence would hear of no such thing.

Mr. Aiello you meet the requirements for Acceptance at ....
Ray and Spence Bounce Proof BASE Course.
Congratulations.....

Ray and Spence
Be Safe

[base570 1]

[reply
Ray and Spence no Bounce, school of BASE
No Canopy exsperience required
We will take Man, Woman or Child.
You need to sign our 16 page wavier.
Sign over all Video Rights to us.
Have your own BASE specific Rig.

[RayLosli 11]

You stated that you'll take man, woman or child for your course, while I think this is a good policy you are alienating a much larger clientel. I have a pet monkey that was really looking forward to attending your course until he read that satement, now he's just huddled in a corner flinging crap I emplore you to reconsider your strict requirements for acceptance and make my monkey happy
Do you offer group discounts? As I would also like to be considered for your course if your no-monkey rules are changed.

Thanks,
an interested applicant
570

PS-he does have his own rig.
........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE Course

Dear BASE# 570 And Primate
I called Spence at work and we have come to a fast decision on this.
Spence was pretty firm on this point and I agree with the Canadian Immigrant on this one.
Your Primate must be able to sign the 16 page Waiver
and you take full responsibility for PCA him on 2 jumps.
The Primate must have solid Body Positioning and Awareness on both exits.
We will clear him for Free Fall.
The Primate having his own Rig was the clincher on the deal because
neither of us have a harness small enough to fit him.

As for Group Rates Spence and I were both were wondering about this one.
Are you saying that you can get more than one Primate.
If you are willing to provide BASE specific Rigs for all of them
We will gladly give you 40% off Discount
We are almost certain that we can make up the profit loss on the discount
Selling the Monkey Big-Way Video.

If these conditions are satisfactory to you.
Your Monkey is in.... Congratulations.

Thanks.....Ray Losli and Spence
Be Safe

[QuickDraw 0]

Is it true that lunch is the only thing i'll learn to pack on your course ? a free t-shirt always gets my attention too.

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[RayLosli 11]

Is it true that lunch is the only thing i'll learn to pack on your course ?
A free t-shirt always gets my attention too.

-- Hope you don't die. --
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................


Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE Course

Dear Mr... Quickdraw
To our surprise, Spence and I have that even though the Primates we took on as students
have never made a Skydive and can not land very well. They have learned to Pack
in-between training jumps. You can hire a Monkey-Packer or pack your own Rig.
You will pack your own lunch and keep an eye on it. Those Primates are crafty and
can smell out food no matter how well you hide it.

Bounce Proof FJC, is sorry to announce that there will be no free T-Shirts as rumored.
One of the Primates has flung his crap all over them. Spence is the most upset about
this because he paid for them out of his own pocket.

> Be Advised... Mr. Quickdraw that if you intend to e-mail in a formal application.
---There are Only a Couple of Slots Still Available---

Thank you for your inquiry...
Ray and Spence
Be Safe

[PhreeZone 20]

Dear Mr. Ray Losli,

I'm very interested in BASE jumping. I've been reading BASE websites since I did a tandem skydive this last month. I was going to just go buy an used parachute and a backpack thingy off a website and go jump one of the many builings in my town, but I think that it might be better to go through a class before jumping off one of the 10 story buildings in my area. By taking your class do I get free parachutes or can I just buy one of the rigs and packing primates at the end of my class?

I've read things about contacting locals before you jump something in a new area. Does your class provide a directory of all the locals and their phone numbers in all the areas I might someday travel?

I am disappointed to hear there will be no free shirt, will the class fee be reduced now that this is no longer being offered?

Also can I hire someone to take pictures of me on my first BASE jump like I did my first Skydive?

Your friend in freefall...

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[rfarris 2]

Come on Mr. Moderator, this thread has "Talk Back" written all over it!

[RayLosli 11]

I'm very interested in BASE jumping. I've been reading BASE websites since I did a tandem skydive this last month.
I was going to just go buy an used parachute and a backpack thingy off a website and go jump one of the many builings
in my town, but I think that it might be better to go through a class before jumping off one of the 10 story buildings
in my area. By taking your class do I get free parachutes or can I just buy one of the rigs and packing primates
at the end of my class?

I've read things about contacting locals before you jump something in a new area. Does your class provide a directory
of all the locals and their phone numbers in all the areas I might someday travel?

I am disappointed to hear there will be no free shirt, will the class fee be reduced now that this is no longer being offered?

Also can I hire someone to take pictures of me on my first BASE jump like I did my first Skydive?

Your friend in freefall...

If you can't kill yourself doing it, its not a sport... its a game.
....................................................................................................................


Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE Course

Dear Mr.... PhreeZone
We at Bounce Proof, FJC & Staff have some - Good News and some Bad News
First though let us review your application you have submitted.
You say that you have only had one Tandem Jump, Hopefully you did not touch the Toggles.
or even open your eyes to learn any Canopy Control. Also you most likely were told to raise your
legs up on landing and the Tandem Master Surfed you in. So nothing learned there.
We will not hold that Skydive against you.
Looking around the Internet for a used Rig and searching around for 10 story buildings to jump
proves to us that You are eager to learn and have possible leadership potential.
>You Do Not Need A Rig- but I will get to that in a moment.
Mr. PhreeZone Nothing is just handed to you hear at Bounce Proof FJC. You Must graduate
Before we just give you local jumpers phone numbers and directions to there best objects.

The Good News is Mr. PhreeZone, even though all -Slots- were filled just before you applied You
are going to get a Free Rig from BASE # 570's Primate. .It will be a little tight fitting and dirty but
he will no longer be needing it. You will also get his Student Slot.

The Bad News is we here at Bounce Proof FJC are so, so very sorry to inform everyone that
Mr. BASE 570's Monkey Smoked it into the Dirt today !!! To... PHaaaaaaaaaaaaT... a Delay.
Yes That's Right. It's Your Lucky Day.
Spence came in from Ground Crew about an hour ago with the bad news. The monkey was wearing
his Camera Helmet. So No Video for YOU. Sorry.

More bad news is that we can not offer you a reduced rate because of soiled T-Shirts.
We have a Huge unforeseen problem. The lack of canopy control from Some of our students
and particularly from one Dead Monkey. Has given us some Medical and Veterinary bills.

Congratulations Mr. PhreeZone you have been accepted to.........
Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE Course.
A Big Thanks from the staff and I

Ray and Spence
Be Safe

[RayLosli 11]

Ray and Spence Bounce Proof,BASE Course

Bounce Proof FJC is sorry to announce that student slot are now full for the season or
Until we have a new opening .

We would like to thank everyone who applied for there participation.

Thanks...
Ray and Spence
BE Safe

[3ringheathen 0]

  Quote

If these conditions are satisfactory to you.
Your Monkey is in.... Congratulations.

Just make sure that monkey has no skydives!
History has shown that monkeys that skydive develop this annoying habit of climbing up the lines and collapsing the parachute.

You'll have PETA all over your ass like white on rice.
Not just any rice, but the processed, nutritionless white rice that can be cooked in one minute. I can't quite remember the name of the stuff, but you know what I mean, right? Uncle Bens?
-Josh

If you have time to panic, you have time to do something more productive. -Me*
*Ron has accused me of plagiarizing this quote. He attributes it to Douglas Adams.

[skypuppy 1]

How do you plan on keeping the monkey from trying to climb back up the lines and spiralling or collapsing his parachute into the lines? What if he starts to throw crap at you from the exit point?

edited to add: Just heard about the monkey... Too bad, but did we really need another primate just hanging around and throwing shit at us anyways?

If some old guy can do it then obviously it can't be very extreme. Otherwise he'd already be dead.
Bruce McConkey 'I thought we were gonna die, and I couldn't think of anyone

[nicknitro71 0]

I might be a bit over qualified given my canopy experience so I will come and BASE with my 105.

Memento Audere Semper

903

[RayLosli 11]

Ray and Spence Bounce Proof, BASE Course

Dear...Skypuppy and nicknitro71

While climbing Our local 870 ft. Antenna tonight with my good friend D.J. I had plenty
of time to think about My Dead Primate. No one at Bounce proof FJC, ever really
cared that BASE 570 didn't take responsibility for giving his Monkey any Skydives, to
teach Canopy control. We even encouraged it, because frankly it sounded kind of cool
and we were just tired of caring and didn't give a crap anymore.

We at Bounce Proof FJC. have really been concerned with the Large controversy over
Skydive vs. no Skydive in BASE canopy control, and our new found abandonment for
no canopy control for new BASE students.

While our new Primate student jumper's fatal accident was not due to poor canopy control.
He defiantly did have a few more landing problems than the other students. He suffered from
several ankle injuries, scrapes and bruises,broken tail bone and more from bad landings.
He also tore up a lot of gear (i.e., Torn Pilot Chutes, Ripped Canopies, Etc. )
To tell you the truth we were getting kind of sick of that Monkeys puffed up pompous attitude.
He was constantly throwing in our faces, all the cool and dangerous jumps he was doing.
Over exaggerating the danger and risk of every jump to look cool, and to tell you the truth
he was wearing out his welcome around here anyway.

I and the Bounce Proof staff had a long talk today and we just can not agree on how many
Skydives a new BASE student should have. Some students did OK while others did poorly.
We have decided that there is nothing we can do about it, so screw it.

Even though this Primate was a pain in the Ass. Ray and Spence Bounce Proof BASE Course, put
together a small Memorial for friends and Monkey family.

Bounce Proof Monkey

thank you....Ray and Spence

Be Safe

[nicknitro71 0]

Yeah but probably he was able to climb that antenna much faster than you can ever do

Memento Audere Semper

903