A Question of Ethics: A Death in the Family

[TomAiello 26]

I wrote this some time ago and posted it to BLiNC. After reading some recent discussion here, I've decided to re-post it in this forum.

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A Question of Ethics: Death in the Family

It seems like every time one of us goes in, the community faces criticism and anger from the world at large.

Worse, though, is the criticism leveled at us by the family and friends of our fallen companion. At exactly the same time that we are mourning the death of our jumping partner and friend, we have to deal with the accusations and rage of our partner's friends and family.

How could we avoid this "second strike"?

I believe that responsibility dictates that each of us explain ourselves, our sport and our motivations to our families. We owe this to the sport, and to our jumping mates.

This is obviously an extremely difficult proposition. Facing your family with your decision to engage in a life-threatening activity cannot be easy. But the rewards of having this discussion with them are huge, both for yourself and for the sport of BASE jumping.

First, an honest, open discussion with your loved ones will make them feel more included in your decisions. They will generally be more impressed with the maturity and thought that has gone into your decision to jump. This can help avoid the arguments, tantrums, and guilt trips that might otherwise be thrown at you by family and friends who don't understand.

Second, a frank explanation could convert some of your family and friends into allies of the BASE community at large. Motivating our family and friends to understand and appreciate BASE may not lead to legal changes, but it is certainly a step in the right direction.

And third, an explanation, by you, that you understand and accept the risks involved, will help prevent your family from attacking other members of the BASE community in the event of your injury or death.

I believe that it is the responsibility of every BASE jumper to explain BASE to their family, to make sure that their family understands the risks inherent in the sport, and to tell their family that they have chosen to take those risks of their own free will.

-- Tom Aiello

Tom@SnakeRiverBASE.com
SnakeRiverBASE.com

[CrazyThomas 0]

First I tried this:
Death sucks, but shit happens.

Non-response. Non-understanding.

How about this one then.......
It's as safe as a person chooses it to be. If I take less risks, and jump "conservatively", I should be OKAY.

Non-response. Non-understanding.

It is me, and I just have to do it.

Non-response. Non-understanding.

In the end, it really doesn't matter. I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end.....it really doesn't matter.

Try explaining Russian Roulette to family members, and explaining simply "I get a huge BUZZ".

Non-response. Non-understanding.


This is the toughest shit to talk about with loved ones, especially WHUFFOS.
BUT, say it before the coroner does.

Thomas

[Faber 0]

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First I tried this:
Death sucks, but shit happens.

wrongway to say it,smartass word anit the time to bring family in that case

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How about this one then.......
It's as safe as a person chooses it to be. If I take less risks, and jump "conservatively", I should be OKAY.

drop the okay,dont promice somthing you cant hold

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It is me, and I just have to do it.

normaly in the end of the conversation,only use it if you got the acept,or it would be like you triumfing about your victory

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In the end, it really doesn't matter. I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end.....it really doesn't matter.

im sure you started the wrong way,and yes it matter alot

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Try explaining Russian Roulette to family members, and explaining simply "I get a huge BUZZ".

dont try to convince your family that you just are waitnig to die,no members would acept such

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This is the toughest shit to talk about with loved ones

Your so rigth,but its needed..

Happy to see you dont only talk about dead.Sounds like your feeling better

Stay safe
Stefan Faber

[andy2 0]

Thanks Tom, that was very well put. I'm glad there are people as level headed as you involved in this sport.

---------------------------------------------
let my inspiration flow,
in token rhyme suggesting rhythm...

[hookitt 1]

Toms post reminds me of how lucky I am when it comes to my Family understanding these type of antics.

It's strange how my own Mom understands the craziness factor but yet greets it with the understanding of how technical such an endeavor can be.

She knew I went bungee jumping way back in the day. I sent up a video of the jumps and included my first Skydive, which I had just done that weekend, and surprised her with it. At first she was shocked and then was amazed at the talent of the Jumpmasters who hung on to me. Guess who did a couple tandems 2 years later? Who cool is that? My own Mom understands all this.

My brother was convinced he should stop skydiving. My own Mom said ... "You could be killed walking down the street ... don't you dare quit unless you are truly doing it for yourself"

She has a picture of me jumping of a cliff on my skis, Jumping off a cliff with my Parachute, used to watch me hammer in on my skateboard and also trying to copy Evel Kneivel on my bicycle, and just thought it was the coolest thing.... I could go on and on.

I had the discussion about BASE with my family and it went rather well. It's absolutely apparent they are afraid of it but Embrace my choice to do it and stand by my decision. For that I am relieved. I've never hid my antics from them. In fact My Mom wants me to call her one day from an object and jump while talking on the phone... (headset of course). I've chosen not too for a few reasons. But you get the idea.

Skydiving is a very social activity that creates bonds like no others. BASE has its own stigma and bonds acquired. In both activities I feel very lucky. Having a family understand, and back my decision makes this decision feel right.

I wouldn’t and couldn't possibly recommend that any one ever get involved in the sport. But if you do, the words Tom has written above are very strong.

Be safe out there.

My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto

[dsbbreck 0]

I'm not a base jumper, but this relates to skydiving too.

I saw a friend go in and when I called my mother for support she told me to give up skydiving. She didn't understand.

When I had an accident and broke my back, she told me to give up skydiving. She didn't understand.

So I put it into terms she could understand.

If I had been hurt in a car accident, would you tell me to stop driving?

I also related it to something she loves to do. Singing. If your doctor told you not to sing, would you. Her answer....No.

Now she supports what I do and although I doubt she'll completely understand, she knows it's what makes me happy, and if I should die doing it, she'll understand it was better than cancer or a car accident.

By the way, she's considering doing a tandem with me now that I'm an instructor.

David

"Socrates wasn't killed because he had the answer.......he was killed because he asked the question."